More sand...

There is smoke coming out of my washing machine.
You know, that washing machine that was new last summer?

I heard the cycle end so I went to empty the machine and hang out my sheets before going to the shops. It smelt funny even before I opened the door, then when I did, smoke came out and started wafting upwards! It definitely wasn't steam- the sheets weren't hot. And then there was that odd smell. The smoke was wispy, but slightly blue.

Luckily it's not raining (quite!) so I've put the sheets outside- hope that blows the smokey smell off them!

Meanwhile, if you google 'smoke coming out of my washing machine', as I have just been doing, you'll be horrified at how many hits there are!! The general concensus seems to be the belt and/or the 'tub bearings'. I daren't take the back off and investigate though, just in case we have a warranty that that would cancel.

AAARGH!

Now the hunt for the receipt is on........

And NOW I have SAND in my pants.

Had the appointment with the ENT doc last week.
Went for (1) the labrynthitis that my GP said was causing my dizziness these past 7 weeks, and-
(2) why has my hearing on my right side been reduced for years- GP thought it might just be sinuses, even though I can breathe fine. I can't pinch my nose, blow and make my ears "pop". They just won't clear. And on the right side it really affects my hearing.

So!

Imagine my shock when, after 90 minutes in the clinic (plus 75 mins in waiting rooms) I discover that I actually have a disease called Otosclerosis, which causes progressive hearing loss.

Otosclerosis- you know those three tiny bones in the ear, and one of them is called the stapes or "stirrup"? They vibrate and this sends soundwaves through to your inner ear-???
Well in this condition they harden till they just stick fast and don't move, hence the deafness.

AND!!! As though this wasn't enough!
- this describes the first stage,
The SECOND stage is when the disease goes into the INNER ear, in which case it actually interferes with the nerves, and how the sound messages are sent along to the brain.

The test for this is with a tuning fork- he made the fork vibrate then held it in front of me and asked WHERE I heard it- to my surprise it sounded like it came from over on the right of me. He carried on putting it in different positions and asking me where I heard it. It was so weird, but I heard it from other directions most of the time, not from where it actually was. (No wonder I can never tell where helicopters are!!!)
The worst one was when he actually touched my head behind my left ear with the fork, and I heard it over on the front right.
So! I was positive on this test, meaning the disease has already got to my inner ear.

Then I had a hearing test-
VERY pleased that my left ear comes up as within normal range. But VERY shocked my results of my right ear- I knew that it was mostly low sounds I can't hear too well as I have noticed this with music; no bass in the right ear, always tinny. But in the test some low noises I couldn't hear on the right till they were at 40 decibels.

The tester also did another test for the spatial hearing. She produced a chart that showed a particular pattern that the ENT doc said confirmed otosclerosis in the second stage. I've since googled it till the cows come home and have at times found examples of this chart with just the same pattern on it. On a positive note I am really pleased to have found a doc that knows his stuff!

SO now I have an appointment in May for a hearing aid fitting! And then another appointment with the ENT doc re the dizziness-

Oh yes! The dizziness! It wasn't labrynthitis at all! SO just as well I got the referral to the ENT as the GP was wrong on that. Wish I hadn't taken all the stuff he gave me for it then, hurrumpff hurrumpff....

The dizziness was something called BENIGN PAROXYSMAL POSITIONAL VERTIGO. This is what it is-

you know that bit in the ear that coils round like a snail's shell? (Cochlea?) Well! A tiny bit of calcified matter had broken off and was floating about in the liquid in this bit. So! The ENT did a procedure called The Epley manoeuvre which means he lay me down till I went dizzy, holding my head in his hands. Then he turned my head right, back, up, down, left etc etc, steering the little bit of matter out of the coil. And it worked! The dizziness has gone! Amazing! Wonderful to see someone who knew what to do!

Mum has very little hearing in one ear and her dad was the same, and yes, otosclerosis is genetic. I've emailed my siblings to let them know....

You can have the gene and not develop the disease, and different things can spark it off. One thing that can is having a virus. This fits, as I can trace my hearing loss back to the late 1980s when i had a bad head cold that made my ears blocked and itchy. My GP back then didn't give me anti-biotics, so maybe that was because he thought it was part of the cold virus and not an ear infection. But since then my right ear has never felt 'open'.

The ENT said my ears were clean, nothing to block them and ear drums are normal. SO it isn't a pressure thing. He doesn't think my Eustachian tubes are working well though, so he's going to test them when I go back.

This last week I have been in shock and upset at the news, and trying to imagine losing my hearing. Mum has been sympathetic and supportive. We have had a laugh about it- with her it is on the left and with me it's on the right. SO I said, we better make sure you always sit on my left in future or we'll both be sitting there going "Ay? What? What you say?"

I just didn't need this news on top of other stuff, which have been stressful too. I have been on the floor with big belly-sobs, so low and upset. I feel like I am disintegrating inside lately. I wish I could go somewhere on my own for a bit and just rest and watch the world go by. I really need to get away on my own and clear my head. Which is odd, really, as I feel so lonely.

And NOW I have SAND in my pants.

Note to USA readers: by pants, I mean underpants, shorts or panties, ok? ;) (LOL)

***

A few years ago I was listening to a Saturday morning show on Radio 4, one headed up by the late John Peel. A theme had been forming over the previous weeks, on family sayings.

It had started out as different names for the remote control. For example, I call it the bodger, as did all my family. My partner calls it the yolk, which meant remote in his family. You get the idea. (What do you call yours?)

OK. This particular morning produced the weirdest saying of all: "And NOW I have sand in my pants."

The listener who had written in with this one explained that, as a youth, he had been dragged off to a Venture-Scout Outward-bound weekend. Everything went wrong, starting with having to go against his will in the first place.

When they went for a run, he tripped. When they climbed, he fell over. He forgot to pack his lunch. When they went canoeing, and had to tip over upsidedown, his glasses fell off. He followed them down and crawled about trying to find them. Crawling up the riverbank, spluttering while his friends all laughed, he said, with complete seriousness and utter venom, "And NOW I have SAND in my pants!"

And so, among his family and friends, from that day on, this was the phrase people used when they meant that they had met the very last straw. The final insult. The cherry on the cake of blah.

Good, isn't it?

Anyway. That news I got yesterday was the sand in my pants. I've had a bad week or so and the effect on my brain has been to shift into a lower gear. Those out there who've been there will know what I mean. If you don't, imagine when your computer goes wrong and will only open up in safe mode. This means only the very essential processes will function. (Oh, and they throw it into black and white, too. You never thought you'd long to see that microsoft blue did you? But in safe mode it's like when you've missed a period- Oh God, please, no, I promise to be good from now on, just make it come back, pleeeeeeease!)

Sheez I just remembered my partner's mum visits here. Ooops. Hullo!

Where was I. Oh yes. Here's another saying: I used to know someone who would call the week I'm having "a week to throw sh*t at". And she wouldn't have used the star.

But maybe things are changing. I checked my email and my little brother (little as in 10 inches taller but 9 years younger) has got a job. Horray! He had been looking for a few months and was getting sooooo depressed.

I think it may have been a desperate call from him last week that started all this actually. He sounded so low, I was seriously worried about him and begged him to see a doctor. He said, "What for? Pills? No! That's YOUR way of dealing with it. Not MINE." It knocked me back, it really did. Antidepressants have been a necessity round here for a long long time. I won't accept any stigma about it. If I had diabetes I'd have meds. If I had a heart condition I'd have meds. I have depression, I have meds. Big deal. Move along please, nothing to see here....

I went to bed earlier but my head was too busy. So I'm up sipping tea and eating crunchy nut bars and watching Law & Order with the subtitles on. I wonder who does those? Maybe I could get a job doing that. Maybe I wouldn't have to leave the house then, and I could lessen the danger of getting sand in my pants ;)