Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Wednesday, 22 September 2010


After Art Therapy yesterday I walked through the town, very aware that these are the last few days of summer..... it was 24 c. and due to be down to 9 c. by the weekend- eek!

I nipped into the art shop to pick up a couple of ProMarkers. I almost bought 5, for £10.

But then I spotted these!!!-WOW!
In case you can't see, each set was reduced to £6.50.

I couldn't decide between the two so I treated myself to both :)

That's 10 ProMarkers, 2 Letraset drawing pens, 2 Sakura Glaze pens, and 2 Letraset No-Bleed Paper Pads (usually about £4 each) all for £13.00.

Last night I fancied a doodle with my new haul and tried sketching Bob in his 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' outfit..... what do you think?Drawing in permanent pen is fun. It forces you to make use of your 'mistakes' and leaves a nice, rough, energetic feel. Well that's what I think, anyway! LOL!

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Post 333!

I've just spotted that this is post 333 on my blog! If three is a lucky number then maybe today will be lucky for me. So far I have twisted my knee! Good start! But the cat food I ordered has been delivered, so that's something. At least I don't have to go for a walk or a bike ride to get them something else, limping along as I go.

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Things have calmed somewhat since a week ago. Sorry for that little outburst. Thanks, as ever, for your support....

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Over the course of a couple of evenings I've put together the following cards. Sometimes I sit and do the pictures, other times I assemble them. Occasionally I do the whole thing start to finish in one go. I've been pootling through them in front of the telly, with mum watching tv and Luvbug on his pewter..... cats off asleep somewhere: Fluffy in her new grocery box (she's lots better, by the way) and Scooter on his blanket in the window...... sounds idyllic? Well, it only lasts for an hour or so but yes, it's ok.....

These are little cards that I made for my box, as I didn't seem to have any notecards for myself, for when I write to people....
I made this next one the other night for Luvbug's brother-in-law, John, who has a birthday this weekend. It's much larger, at A5. I've put glaze on the dogs' noses to make them glossy :)
Lastly, here is my first Christmas card for the year (aaaaarghhh! Nooo!! I said the C word!!!!)This image is a stamp by Elzybells. Sadly, this is another stamp shop that is closing down. She is hoping to sell off all her stuff by the end of this month. Nip over and have a look, see if you can help her out! There are still some goodies there, and all greatly reduced in price. This stamp is red rubber and was only a few pounds. She also does inkpads, etc.

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I'm not a 'scrapbooker' and have never got into that 'branch' of crafting. But one thing I've started lately is 'memory books' for my mum, as very often she will enjoy a day out and then not remember it a few weeks later. I suppose this is sort of scrapbooking, as I've been writing next to the photo's and sticking in all sorts of decorations, just to make it nice for her. I'll get some pictures of some of the pages and show you next time ;) All you seasoned scrappers and book artists can give me some advice!

Thursday, 9 September 2010

2 more cards..... and nose diving.

Thanks for your comments, especially re. that birthday card. Here's the other one, the one for mum's neightbour, Sylvie. She was 91 on Saturday.

Here's one I made for my nephew, Alex. He'll be 10 on the 22nd but I'm safe posting it here as my family don't bother with my blogging!!

Meanwhile the strain is starting to show, I think. I had thought I was holding it together soooo well. Too well, maybe.

Mum has burst into tears twice in the last week, clinging on to me and crying. I find it amazingly difficult. It leaves me stunned, shocked. Mum never showed emotion. NEVER. And I don't mean just that she never hugged us or said she loved us, or congratulated us when we did things well. None of that happened. But I also mean she showed no emotion to movies, stories on the news, even the deaths of pets or the burial of my murdered cousin. NOTHING. ZERO. ZILTCH. And so now she is tiny, half the frame she was a few years ago, and she is clinging to my arm, which she has touched more in the last few months than in the rest of my entire life all rolled together, and she is WEEPING. Of COURSE I am being gentle. Of course I am looking after her. Of course I am being the kindest I can be. I just didn't realise what it was taking out of me.

On Tuesday I didn't make it to Art Therapy- 2 weeks in a row now, because I just didn't feel I could leave her. By the evening I think my body had started to rebel! A stye the size of a pea came up on my eye literally within a few minutes. I put my fingertip to my eyelid, expecting to feel a loose eyelash or something, and I felt the lump. By the time I'd got a mirror it had grown. We dashed to the pharmacy and got some anti-infection eye drops. By the time we got back I was feeling sick and dizzy, seeing stars.

We drove mum home early, about 8ish. I went straight to bed. Apart from Fluffy's loud mewling through the night and morning, I slept on and off till after midday Wednesday. Even after I was up I felt wobbly and the room was spinning.

I convinced mum to let me have a sleepy, lazy day on my own. We still rang each other a few times. Then Luvbug picked her up after work, about 5.30. I was still so tired. My eye is better though.

Today, I am tearful and shaky and I can't keep my mind on anything. I feel so low.

I had decided to join a new fitness class starting tonight at the school at the end of my road. But I didn't get home in time. And it just felt like, oh, why bother. There was I feeling positive, thinking I could meet new friends maybe, or get fit, lose a few pounds and -God forbid- have 90 minutes to myself a week.... but it just isn't to be, is it?

Luvbug lost his rag this morning over his computer. Man, you should have heard the swearing and cursing. It got me downstairs, and more to the point, it turned my stomach over and over. After the rows I grew up with at home, I just can't bear anyone shouting and getting angry. But bang bang, stomp stomp stomp, swearing and shouting at 40-odd decibels. Poor Scooter got a rude awakening and I found him creeping away from the living room.

Well that just left me shattered for the day, dazed and tumbled.

"Oh it was just the machine was playing up and I was late and blah blah blah...." and "You know I would never aim it at you..." so what???? So stir up a foul atmosphere, then smile and go to work and forget about it. SOME OF US CAN'T.

Sorry. Just want to quit, today.

Thursday, 2 September 2010

A card- at last!

Mum's new place is on an over 55's complex, but the average age seems a fair bit higher(!) in fact, we've told her she's a spring chicken at 68.

Her next door neighbour but one, Dorothy, is having her 90th birthday party in the communal lounge on the 13th. Mum asked if I could do a 'special' card for her. This is what I've managed. Not having made some for a while, is it ok, do you think??

It's a stamped image which I've coloured with Promarkers, then layered up on lots of scraps of paper, lace and ribbon, and a felt stitched flower, and blobs of 'liquid pearl' paint to add a bit of texture, and some gold peel-off stickers...

Mum likes it, but I'm aware it isn't as nice as tons of others I see around on other people's blogs!!! Hey ho!

Now I've discovered that her neighbour, Sylvie, will be 91 this Saturday, so it's back to the drawing board for another one again!!!!

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Fluffy is definitely improiving. Thank you for your messages, which certainly did calm me down a bit and stop me lying awake at night.

Fluffy, herself, didn't stop me lying awake at night of course, but at least I wasn't worrying my fingernails down over her. Yes, she still wants snacks and cuddles at regular intervals through the night. Any food I leave down as I go to bed won't work, as (1) she forgets where it is and (2) no, no, it has to be fressssssssshhhhhhh meowwww. Oh, and kindly hold OPEN the catflap for me, too, please.


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Feel guilty not being with mum this afternoon or morning, though we've chatted on the phone a couple of times. My tummy is hurting and so I wanted to stay in and feel sorry for it, catch up on laundry, blogging and vacuuming.... she has 'afternoon tea and quiz' at 2.30 so at least she has had something to look forward to and something to do. Though she did tell me how BORED she was. I sympathise, I do, and, as I say, I feel guilty. But I shall be going down there afterwards, and then bringing her here for dinner....

We had a good meeting yesterday with Pat from Age Concern. She filled in lots of forms for us for another benefit mum should be able to get. If so, it will cover the service charge on her place and make her more confident about having the heating on when it's cool...... I hope she gets it! Pat said that if she doesn't, they won't leave it there, they will demand a reason why and chase it up! It's so good to feel someone is fighting for her!

Let me know what you think of that card!!!!!!

ps........... I can't believe it's September!!!!