Time....

I first heard this song when I was little, and dad was home, playing a Louis Armstrong album full whack. Only Dad had access to the record player, and as he was away in the Navy most of the time, this meant it didn't get used much. I don't know if the prohibition came from him, or if mum was just terrified of the repercussions should we scratch one of the records. But it was out of bounds. Hence, musical memories are wrapped up with my dad. 

Anyway. THIS one is a favourite. 
But.... this version isn't Louis Armstrong. 
Listen to it first, and see if you can guess who it is. 
If you've seen the movie The Jacket, you'll have come across it before. 
Answer at the foot of this post. 
Enjoy.......... 


Meanwhile..........


It has been five weeks since Scooter passed...

I have never been this long without holding him.
I still cry EVERY DAY.
Like I said before, the crying doesn't lessen, it goes deeper, into big sobs.

I am up most nights because I don't want to let it out too much during the day...

...I wrote a lot more here but deleted it. You don't need ot be reading about all that....

Up till now it's been like Scooter is away. At the vet's, maybe. Or perhaps he is living elsewhere. The missing part has been painful, but accompanied by a sense that it will end. Suddenly it has hit me that it won't end. That this is it, and I can't hold him any more, or give him chinny rubs, or cuddle and scrunch him out of a grump into a reluctant, but growing, purr.
My baby's gone.
His absence is like a shadow with no object to cast it. It's physical, but untouchable. 

I'm consulting a pet bereavement counseller. Should hear in the next week or so. I'll post again after that. 

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**PS... did you get it? It was Iggy Pop singing the song ;)**

OK so which of these three groups do you fall into now then?

(1)- yeah I knew that

(2)- OMG Iggy Pop???? Really???? Good grief! Well, well, well....

(3)- Who?

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Love, tea & cake,  
Helena 

Bit better today.... but bad news about another cat

*** I won't be able to update for a few days as the mains adapter for my computer has broken. I don't have much battery power left!! I've sent off for a new one but it'll take a few days....***

Hi all,
thanks for the messages...
the good vet isn't in today! AARGH!
Back tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I haven't given Scoot any steroid today. He has been up and meowing, eating well and enjoying his new bed. He has had a nice sit in the sun and now he's back in his bed, asleep on his brains! He seems back to his norm.

I don't intend to give any more steroid till tomorrow night, and then only a half tablet. I'll call the vet tomorrow too. I'm wondering if to try a half tablet, every other day. He had such a good reaction to the half tablet on Friday, and only went downhill when the dose was increased...

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Meanwhile, bad news from my dad :( 
he had to have his big black and white cat, Benny, put to sleep today, as a large blood clot left his back legs and tail paralysed. 
Poor Benny went into shock. The vet couldn't help him. Dad was in tears, it's not long since he had to say goodbye to his poodle. He has one cat left, Jimmy, who is looking for his playmate now. It's so said when they leave a playmate behind, isn't it?......

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

Dad's birthday card....

Here's the end result of the picture I showed yesterday.....

I folded an A4 piece of white glossy card to make this.
For the 'sea' I tore strips of blue patterned paper, tearing towards me to make white edges.
I layered these to make the waves.
The beach is a piece of paper from the same set and pattern, just different colour.

I made a frame with two pieces of card, covering one with some patterned paper.
I sandwiched the acetate 'window' in between them, and mounted it all onto the background using thick sticky pads:

The papers are made by The English Paper Company, their Siesta Collection. If you see it online in a sale, grab it! -Because it's an enormous packet of papers, every colour of the rainbow, lots of different patterns.

I drew some seagulls with a Sakura Souffle pen, which leaves a slightly 3D effect or embossed look. I drew them on the sky, sea, frame and the acetate.

I really like how this card turned out. I wasn't sure it was going to come together but it did, and I'm really pleased :)

Shivery stuff

My Dad was in the Royal Navy for over 20 years, spending much of that time as Head Chef on board ship. In the 1970s he was exposed to asbestos, as he had to remain on board when his ship was docked- whilst the old asbestos lagging was stripped out and replaced with something else. When he talks about it, he says that when he walked through the ship his boots looked like they'd been covered in snow.

The dangers of asbestos weren't much known then, but since the 1990s Dad has had regular chest scans. Several of the men he worked with have died from asbestosis. Last June, at a reunion, a friend of his said that he'd been diagnosed in April. In June he looked OK, but he died in October.

Last Autumn, Dad started to sound different over the phone. I couldn't put my finger on it, just a difference. Then, at the end of a phone call, he said, "Love you!", something he has never said.

We went to visit him before Christmas to exchange presents. Sure enough, he told me that this time the scan had showed asbestosis. Much more than that, he wouldnt' say. He didn't want to talk about it much.

Dad and me, last month.

Now, Dad has exaggerated about things before, so I'm a bit confused. If it is asbestosis then I need to be prepared as it could progress really quickly. If that sounds harsh of me, or self-centred, let me explain that Dad has alwayd been a every headache is a migraine, every migraine is a brain tumor type of person! Do you know anyone like that? He has always exagerated health problems. Maybe it is his way of being prepared for the worst. I don't know.

So I don't know how to take it. One half of me says I should prepare to say goodbye, and gather my strength up for when he needs it. The other half of me just says, don't worry, he's got years yet, you just wait and see.

Somehow my gut feeling though, is that he isn't exagerrating this time. The difference, this time, is that he seems scared.

All I can do is make sure that this year isn't one of those years when I hardly see him. I need to be in touch more. Keep an eye on him. I will definitely be there for him.

What I'm not sure I can do is prepare myself to lose him.

I was very close to him as a child. The times when he came home on leave were little breathing spaces for me; no one hit me when he was home. As soon as he left, they turned on me again. I felt like Cinderella; fine when Dad was home, beaten when he wasn't.

As a wee girl, I would see him off at the gate when he left to go back on ship, standing at the gate a good half an hour till he disappeared on the bend of the road in the distance. Nowadays, my siblings aren't in touch with him much at all. In my mind I imagine a funeral where again, I'm alone looking after him, the rest of the family nowhere to be seen, untouched by his departure.

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It's Dad's birthday this Sunday. He likes nautical pictures and I usually send him a card with boats on (!) but this year I'm making one with a lighthouse:

OoooOOooooO- looks like a spaceship from Star Trek is coming in to land.... it's just the reflection of the light fitting, don't worry, it's not the Romulans!

I bought some acetate and drew the lighthouse with the type of outliner you use in glass painting. I've coloured it with Sakura Stardust pens. I plan to back the lighthouse with white tissue, put it in a frame, then set it onto some blue paper with torn edges to describe waves. I hope I manage to make something nice for him. If not, Tesco is open 24 hours!!!!!!