Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Tuesday, 23 October 2012


I first heard this song when I was little, and dad was home, playing a Louis Armstrong album full whack. Only Dad had access to the record player, and as he was away in the Navy most of the time, this meant it didn't get used much. I don't know if the prohibition came from him, or if mum was just terrified of the repercussions should we scratch one of the records. But it was out of bounds. Hence, musical memories are wrapped up with my dad. 

Anyway. THIS one is a favourite. 
But.... this version isn't Louis Armstrong. 
Listen to it first, and see if you can guess who it is. 
If you've seen the movie The Jacket, you'll have come across it before. 
Answer at the foot of this post. 


It has been five weeks since Scooter passed...

I have never been this long without holding him.
I still cry EVERY DAY.
Like I said before, the crying doesn't lessen, it goes deeper, into big sobs.

I am up most nights because I don't want to let it out too much during the day...

...I wrote a lot more here but deleted it. You don't need ot be reading about all that....

Up till now it's been like Scooter is away. At the vet's, maybe. Or perhaps he is living elsewhere. The missing part has been painful, but accompanied by a sense that it will end. Suddenly it has hit me that it won't end. That this is it, and I can't hold him any more, or give him chinny rubs, or cuddle and scrunch him out of a grump into a reluctant, but growing, purr.
My baby's gone.
His absence is like a shadow with no object to cast it. It's physical, but untouchable. 

I'm consulting a pet bereavement counseller. Should hear in the next week or so. I'll post again after that. 

**** *** **** *** **** ***

**PS... did you get it? It was Iggy Pop singing the song ;)**
OK so which of these three groups do you fall into now then?
(1)- yeah I knew that
(2)- OMG Iggy Pop???? Really???? Good grief! Well, well, well....
(3)- Who?

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  


Found art blog said...

Hope the counsellor helps. Big hugs

mrsnesbitt said...

Hugs hun xxxx

Blue said...

The Louis Armstrong version is the one I know / remember.
It's so nice you have fond musical memories re your father, mine are just re my mother.
I wish I could say something positive but I'm the last person possible to offer you life advise.

Diane xxx

Blue said...

PS - I hope the councelling helps.
I was to get in Oxford but my move interupted the process.

MorningAJ said...

Big Hugs

Julie said...

Funnily enough I was listening to the Louis Armstrong version the other day. I have heard of Iggy Pop - just! I think the bereavement counselling is a good idea and I do hope it helps you. xxx

ABBY said...

I am glad you will be talking with a grief counselor. It will just be a good thing and you are wise to do that. What you are feeling is normal and it is good that you are releasing it. Thinking of you and Scooter.

✿•*¨`*•. ♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥✿•*¨`*•.

Mitch and Molly said...

((((huge hugs))) to you, Helena. Your pain makes me hurt so much for you. I hope the counselor helps you out.


Lynda (Granny K) said...

We're still here Helena, sending hugs. The song is lovely, thank you. I like the 'somewhere over the rainbow' version too.

Beedeebabee said...

I fall into the 3rd category...Iggy who??? Hee hee!

I hope the grief counsellor helps, Helena. I think it's a good idea.

xo Paulette

Helena said...

Thanks all :)

It's only a one-off session, I couldn't find what I wanted locally so I went online, and found someone I can Skype with for an hour. I'd like to be alone during that, so it won't be for another week and a half at least, as next week is Half Term, so Kevin (Luvbug!!) is home from work. Or maybe I could encourage him to go for a bike ride!

Feronia said...

I was never allowed to touch the record player either - not even when I was a teenager!!

I really hope the counsellor can help.

Thinking of you Helena,
Em x

i beati said...

do you have another cat ?If not rescue one and make his life yours

Helena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Everycat said...

I recognised Iggy, I'm a fan ohis from days of yore.

Helena, thank you so much for your kind words to us on the loss of Oliver (Puffkin) it means so much to us that we have such kind friends.

We're sad & sorry to learn that Benji passed in similar circumstances, the similarity doesn't end there, Mungo was licking Oliver's head as we slid Oliver onto the sling to get him into the carrier. Every evening, Mungo sits on the garden steps waiting for Oliver, just as Oliver sat there every evening waiting for his departed soul mate Tabbus. Forever the cycle goes around and around...

We wish you all the best with the counselling session, a good counsellor can really help a lot.

Right now, the thought of another cat in your life that isn't Scooter must seem like a treacherous knife in your heart. I know that feeling, but every time I have lost my dear friends, eventually there's a little furry soul that steps across my path, one who needs help, so I help. It is never a replacement, just another little life that needs some help.

You are a kind person, very connected to the importance of helping. You have a lot on your plate, caring for your Mum and Luvbug, and of course, yourself. Now is the time to care for you...

Take very good care of you Helena

We send luff & rumbly purrs

Gerry, Mungo & The Ape xx