Since then.....

We took our honeymoon in Jersey. For non-UK-ers, I mean one of The Channel Islands, between here and France, not the New Jersey that gets slagged off on US crime dramas :)

We stayed at a hotel called Longville Manor. Click the link and have a peek! It was glorious.

***

I don't have any photo's of the honeymoon to share, as we were burgled a month after we returned home. We lost everything of value, whether monetary or sentimental. All my jewellery was taken. None of it was costly, but to me, every piece told a story. 

Our camera and laptops were taken, and these had our honeymoon photo's on. It also means, of course, that I lost about 4 years of other photo's. It all only hit me when I realised that I had lost all those pictures of Scooter, and the last video I took of him- just a week before he passed over. In that video he was belly up on cushions on his bench, sunbathing. He was purring as I rubbed his tummy. You would never have believed he be gone a week later- he only started to go down hill 2 days later... I had never published the video anywhere like here, or YouTube, as I had always been too upset to process it on my computer. I had only just thought about it, and thought yes, I'll do that, I can handle that now.

I had saved everything to Amazon Cloud- but when I next got online, I discovered that my files there had disappeared. If you save things to a cloud, please remember to check it regularly!!

***

A few more pic's to cheer us up :)

I forgot to show this picture of our Ring Bearers, as carried up the aisle by Hazel, our Ring Bearers' Bearer. Bob has my ring on his arm, and Dilly has Kevin's on her snout.

 

 ***

  Doesn't she look every bit the princess! She said it was HER day, of course, and particularly enjoyed having a bigger tiara than me or Hazel.

***
 Here's Hazel, the Ring Bearers' Bearer. Hazel is my God-daughter.

***
 This is Jo, Hazel's mum. Jo and I have known each other since we were 8 :)

***
This book was one of our readings. 
I can't imagine who influenced us in this choice ;)

 ***
The children in Kevin's class drew pictures for us to display:

 Lots of people took a photo of this particular work of art. Maybe it's because Kevin bears a remarkable resemblance to Bradley Wiggins...

 Hope it all makes you smile :)

 **** *** **** *** **** ***

 Love, tea & cake,  
 Helena

Time does help, doesn't it?

It wasn't till late Monday that I started to feel a bit more relaxed, but I still haven't had a night's sleep. This is mainly because of guilt, and things going over and over, conversations going through my head. Then my head runs away with itself in imaginary conversations, doing the whole day how I'd have liked it to have been done. Before I know it two hours of these scenes have played across my mind.

Thank you for lovely support. It does make a huge difference.

*** *** ***

Years ago, 1999, I was bullied so much at my last paid job that I took two weeks' off work with depression. I never went back because facing going back just made it worse, and I had had 9 months of it. I knew going back would be harder. So I was signed off sick.

I made an official complaint about the bullying and they investigated it and said that it hadn't happened. I was given a copy of the report and was stunned by the 'witness statements'. Ihad not expected colleagues to stick up for me, but neither had I expected them to INVENT stories, things that hadn't happened, utter lies. I was so shocked. Naive, I suppose.

The only person who had planned to stick up for me had been retired early and so wasn't questioned.

I appealed and lost.

Why am I writing about this? Well, last weekend brought it all back.

What came back in vivid technicolour is the sense of loss of self- in other words I no longer knew if I was ok as a person- I asked myself, "Is this me, in these descriptions? Am I this terrible person? Am I one of those people who just can't see how awful they are?" It's a dizzying experience.

Well I have been back there.

Today less so. Time is smoothing down the edges of guilt's claws, and tempering my ancient, post-Catholic duty of 'self examination'.

*** *** ***

No answer to the email I sent after the events. But they went on holiday Tuesday, so I don't think they had time to read it, and even if they had checked their email before leaving, it was a very long one.

Luvbug and I sent them flowers, delivered Monday. We spent time to carefully word the card so that I was not grovelling and wallowing in saying sorry as I feel strongly that I was provoked. There was right and wrong on both sides I guess. But we said something like, please know I would not have wanted the evening to end that way. Then we wished them a happy new year and a safe and happy holiday (they went to Mexico).

A text came from my brother Monday afternoon saying thank you for the beautiful flowers; we'll straughten things out in the new year. A huge weight went off me then, I think because the ball is left in their court. There is no need for it to hang over us at Christmas.

I can't help but feel relieved though, that they are away for a fortnight and so will be 1000's of miles away at Christmas so I don't have to worry about that other, big, sometimes fraught day!

*** *** ***

My old school friend, Jo, came up on Monday and we toured the shops. Luvbug gave me generous funds for a girlie lunch. She cheered me up no end.

*** *** ***

Monday night and Tuesday I have had to take my level-outer pills as I have felt myself going *UP* too far and too rapidly.

In bi-polar there can be the misperception that when you have an up it is all great and enjoyable! But really it means talking too fast, thinking too fast, doing 10 things at once, can't sit still, and then eventually headaches and eye pain and if you're not careful, hallucinations.

So much as I would like to coast along on the wave (as I do sometimes just because the extra energy means I can so much more done!) I have taken my trifluoperazine like a good girl. Mind you, it is now 1 a.m. and I am not in bed. Oops!

*** *** ***

Up early tomorrow; to mum's by 8 as she has a washing machine delivery. Can they give a better ETA? No, just some time between 6 and 10. (6????????? Does anyone really THINK of washing machines at 6???)

Can't believe Christmas is so close. Hadn't realised that school, and therefore Luvbug's work days, comes to an end this Friday. Stroof!!! Where has the last 1/4 of this year gone???? Strange how the passing of time is sometimes helpful, and other times so fast it is scary.

*** *** ***

Hope you're not all under winter colds and bugs out there. The weather has definitely gone wintry at last.... Bob The Bear has received an amazing sleigh in the post, which he'll blog about later. Now he looks out the window for snow every day :)

What a lovely surprise!

I feel terribly guilty- I should have thanked Di of Pixie's Crafty Workshop much sooner than this!!! My only excuse is computer problems-

Have you ever had this? I helped Dilly update her blog on Monday (had to- it was her birthday) but then when I came to this page my anti-virus/anti-malware/firewall popped up and told me that this was a dodgy website and that part of its contents were being blocked -???? I tried other blogger sites and it popped up on all of them. OK..... so I went to my Hotmail account; same thing happened. Weird!


I ran a scan and it said it found 21 infected files. WHAT???? So I then I did a reboot scan too, and it took hours. I left it to run overnight and then did some Windows updates. Seems all OK now. But I still don't know what all that was about.

ANYWAY!.....................

The other week, Bob T Bear (esq) spotted that Di was offering this hoard of blog candy!

He added his name to the hat and GOOD LORD! HE WON!!!! And when the box arrived, a few days ago, he gave it all to me, saying that he hoped it would get me crafting again. Awww what a great Bear! And what generous blog candy! THANK YOU, DI!!!!!!!

 The box arrived Monday morning and Bob waited with it to show me:

 He was delighted to see a card inside, addressed to him:

 

What a gorgeous card! Bob loved that there was a Bear on it!

Di sent lots of stamps:

she even sent off for another stamp, just for Dilly!-

Dilly slowed down the unwrapping a wee bit as she wanted to enjoy the pink tissue. She's mad on pink.

 And then- ribbons!!

And flowers!

Bob wondered if the glue would make a good toy:

He liked the charms, especially the Bear one:

They chose their favourite paper stacks:

Then Dilly settled down for a doze in the ribbons and tissue....

What a wonderful surprise! It really gave me a lift! I haven't put any of it away. I like opening it up and looking at it all. I hope it leads to my creative muses getting a kick up the pants. I haven't drawn or made anything in a long time!

THANKS, DI!!!! (And thank you, Bob, too!)

Bargain!

After Art Therapy yesterday I walked through the town, very aware that these are the last few days of summer..... it was 24 c. and due to be down to 9 c. by the weekend- eek!

I nipped into the art shop to pick up a couple of ProMarkers. I almost bought 5, for £10.

But then I spotted these!!!-WOW!
In case you can't see, each set was reduced to £6.50.

I couldn't decide between the two so I treated myself to both :)

That's 10 ProMarkers, 2 Letraset drawing pens, 2 Sakura Glaze pens, and 2 Letraset No-Bleed Paper Pads (usually about £4 each) all for £13.00.

Last night I fancied a doodle with my new haul and tried sketching Bob in his 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' outfit..... what do you think?Drawing in permanent pen is fun. It forces you to make use of your 'mistakes' and leaves a nice, rough, energetic feel. Well that's what I think, anyway! LOL!

It's the little things....& little critters :)

It was Mother's Day here in the UK on Sunday. Or "Mothering Sunday", as I'm told it should be called. -My friend Jo's mother insists on this name, so poor Jo has to search out a card with this exact wording on it, and they are becoming rarer each year! I told her she'll soon have to start making them ;)

Ah well. You shouldn't think I missed out, just cos I don't have kiddywinks. No, no. Luvbug came to stay for the weekend here at mum's. Here's what greeted me when I got up on Sunday:
These wee critters, for those of you who've yet to come across them in Blogland (don't blame you, you're probably far too sane) are Bob T Bear (esq) and Dilly St George, the Croco-dragon from London Zoo. How they became our "offspring" is a long story. And not one that Bob T Bear (esq) particularly enjoys, in Dilly's case. He still says he wanted a scarf, not a sister.

The back of Dilly's envelope carried a strict instruction/warning:"If not be Dilly Mummy, leev lone!"

It had a beautiful elephant, made from a leaf, on the front:

Inside was a long message. Every "i" was dotted with a heart or a flower. Aww Dilly is such a girly-girl....

Here's Bob's:Bob wrote me a poem.
Er, or "pom":

Translation:

My Mummy
is a luvly
Mummy an an
an I fink
she mite be der
bestist Mummy in
der weruld but I
havant bin abol to
chek wiv ol der uver
bears yet.

(Bob would like to point out that "poems don't have to rhyme, you know".)

Awwww :^)
Luvbug spent a long, long time "helping" them with this.

The cards are beautiful, from a church Traidcraft Sale we'd visited the day before. We had driven mum up to Colchester to refresh her memory of the bungalow again. (As soon as she was there she was OK.) Then we drove into Dedham, a lovely wee village in Suffolk. It has an enormous church, so we went in for a wander. We found the traidcraft sale inside, and also a great exhibition of quilting and embroidered art. Alas, no camera!!

Anyway, on Sunday, I had already given mum her card and presents. When I showed her that Look! I got something on Mother's Day, too! she laughed and laughed.....

THANKS, LUVBUG!!!! -You always know how to make a difference, and always just at the right time!

A Walk in the Woods....

Apparently, not too many years ago, this whole area was woodland. Houses, roads and shops later, only part of the wood remains. The remainder is now called Highwoods Country Park. Much reduced, but at least this means that it's protected now!

Part of the wood has been coppiced regularly since Tudor times and continues to be managed this way. There is a small log-cabin type visitor centre, serving tea and coffee, and selling little pocket-money things like pens and pencils, and rubbery bugs for scaring sisters with.
There is a lake, a hill covered in grass (it gets covered with picnickers in the summer!), a meadow, and marked walks and cycle routed through the trees. We recently found another bit, a wilder bit, fewer paths. We hadn't known it was there!

It's only a short drive to get there, and we're resolved to go there more often this year. Last week we took a walk there late in the evening, to hear the birdsong as they go to roost. Well, I expected the birds, but what I didn't expect was the scent- as soon as we stepped out of the car, the smell of bluebells and an evening air heavy with May Blossom hit us! It was gorgeous. And apart from one man walking his dog, we were undisturbed the whole hour or so we were there...

The photo's are dark as it was getting late....
it was almost dark by the time we came home again!

The bluebells are on their last legs, but still lovely...

I love the way walkways disappear round the trees....
this next photo is out of focus but I still wanted to keep it :)What the??? Oh dear... well, you can't blame him, it's only what Bears do in the woods...

I think these pink ones are Red Campion but I could be wrong! They look lovely, especially mixed in with the bluebells...There were some places we didn't walk through, out of respect for the flowers, and all the wildlife that must be enjoying them :)We saw lots of these wee fellas, some with babies. They were all over the open spaces and bounced into the hedgerows as we came along. I managed to catch one on film. I think he was playing chicken, or pretending to be invisible:
Lastly, a view over Colchester from the woods:

SCRUMPTIOUS TIMES!