Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

A normal chore is a joyful change!

I finally did something normal, ordinary and routine: I mowed the front lawn!

It's its first cut of the year, so it was long, but the mower coped OK because the grass is quite thin- we have lots of moss. I don't see moss as a problem, and can't understand why some people apply moss killer etc. I'd like the whole lawn to be mossy! Imagine! Soft, green and spongy and thick, and never needing mowing. Oh! And the frogs like it too!

The smell of the cut grass was uplifting. Next door came out to get something from her car and said to me, "Ooo that smells lovely!"

I replaced two thyme plants, too. The old ones had gone to woodiness. These new ones have darker, less interesting leaves, but they'll have purple flowers.

There is a lot of weeding, but I'm leaving that for now.

And oh!!!!! Imagine my joy when I saw enormous buds on our wisteria for the very first time! It was planted in 2003, a year before we bought the house. We were told to wait about 7 years for flowers. Last year I had words with it. Look, I said, I'm sorry, but if you want to grow all over that bit of the wall you really do need to have more than a few straggly leaves to offer. I'm giving you one more year, you hear?

Well, they say you should talk to your plants. Not sure I've ever actually threatened one before...

Can't quite believe how pleased and excited I am. I think they will be like droplets of blue, like a Japanese brush painting. I can't wait! Is it a sign of middle age to be this happy over a wisteria?


Monday, 19 April 2010


*** *** ***

Mum finally moved up to Colchester on 10th April. She is staying with us for a little while till the bungalow is straight- lots of boxes to unpack and a leak in the kitchen to fix.

Thought things were going smoothly, then she had another attack last Thursday, during which she fell over.....

She is upset, quite low, asking if she will ever be OK again, saying how she was OK this time last year....

I am trying to keep her "up" and just "being there" for her, helping.... then after she's gone to bed, I let it out through crying and take my back-up pills. My head feels full of dark fog. It might well be my head that is causing that smoggy cloud that's stopping the planes flying right now. I suspect it seeps out of my ears while I'm asleep.....yep. It isn't that volcano at all.

Cats taking it in their stride. Though I still have the bruises and scratches from the trip getting them here. Fluffy is fine. Scooter has developed a new meow, like the yap of a small dog. He sits at the window and chortles and yaps. He makes a grumpy noise like "Merph...pt." This is all because I won't let him out! Then the pair have a mad burst of energy, like the other night, about 3am, chasing each other round and round the coffee table.

They keep me awake much of the night and then sleep the day away. I have been tempted to go and poke them awake and say, "AHA! SEE? Not nice to be woken up, is it?" but of course I don't. Tempted though. Ha!

I am sleeping downstairs with them, trying to calm them, reassure them and keep them from waking mum up upstairs!!!! During the day, while off work, Luvbug has sat with mum while I've taken a nap for an hour or two.

It's hard. And the effect is building up. I am running out of steam.

Whether her attack last week was to do with the epilepsy or was another TIA, I don't know. Personally I think it looked exactly like the small TIA she had at the end of November, but now that epilepsy is on her file, I think anything like this will be written down to epilepsy. This is what the doc did last week. Yet is it? How do we know? I feel I am the only one asking the question. I wish someone else would take over fighting for her. I wonder if this is the sort of thing an Advocate from Age Concern does... because I can feel myself starting to wane.

Monday, 5 April 2010

Happy Easter

Easter has always been my favourite season, but this year we have been so busy, and the weather has been so cold, it has sort of sneaked up on me and hasn't been the bright, calm, restful period I've come to associate with it!

Never mind. I enjoyed making some cards. It was nice and relaxing.

I'm afraid most of them will be late, so more Eastertide cards than Easter cards!
Here is a selection of what I managed....

(Any guesses for who this peachy feline one went to?!)


I sent this one to my brother- I thought my young nephews would like the googly-eyed sheep.

This is the stamp I used most, "Emma".....
I really enjoyed colouring her in...

Do you like my cheeky Felix mug?

Lots of punched out flowers on some of them...
There seems to be something of a snobbery about using peel-off outline stickers on cards, but I think they are quite handy sometimes, like with these branches and birds...
....or these flowers, which I've added little gems to...

Simpler cards are a nice change, too, though...
I went to town on Luvbug's though,
using some sparkly paper that I made last summer......and two little "Housemouse" stamps...cute!

Hope you enjoyed the browse!

Now I have to get back to the packing. There's no way we'll be done in time!