Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Monday, 19 April 2010

:)


*** *** ***

Mum finally moved up to Colchester on 10th April. She is staying with us for a little while till the bungalow is straight- lots of boxes to unpack and a leak in the kitchen to fix.

Thought things were going smoothly, then she had another attack last Thursday, during which she fell over.....

She is upset, quite low, asking if she will ever be OK again, saying how she was OK this time last year....

I am trying to keep her "up" and just "being there" for her, helping.... then after she's gone to bed, I let it out through crying and take my back-up pills. My head feels full of dark fog. It might well be my head that is causing that smoggy cloud that's stopping the planes flying right now. I suspect it seeps out of my ears while I'm asleep.....yep. It isn't that volcano at all.

Cats taking it in their stride. Though I still have the bruises and scratches from the trip getting them here. Fluffy is fine. Scooter has developed a new meow, like the yap of a small dog. He sits at the window and chortles and yaps. He makes a grumpy noise like "Merph...pt." This is all because I won't let him out! Then the pair have a mad burst of energy, like the other night, about 3am, chasing each other round and round the coffee table.

They keep me awake much of the night and then sleep the day away. I have been tempted to go and poke them awake and say, "AHA! SEE? Not nice to be woken up, is it?" but of course I don't. Tempted though. Ha!

I am sleeping downstairs with them, trying to calm them, reassure them and keep them from waking mum up upstairs!!!! During the day, while off work, Luvbug has sat with mum while I've taken a nap for an hour or two.

It's hard. And the effect is building up. I am running out of steam.

Whether her attack last week was to do with the epilepsy or was another TIA, I don't know. Personally I think it looked exactly like the small TIA she had at the end of November, but now that epilepsy is on her file, I think anything like this will be written down to epilepsy. This is what the doc did last week. Yet is it? How do we know? I feel I am the only one asking the question. I wish someone else would take over fighting for her. I wonder if this is the sort of thing an Advocate from Age Concern does... because I can feel myself starting to wane.

11 comments:

i beati said...

Keep the faith ....Focus on the beauty and the goodness and nothing else.I'm having to do something similar right now.My life has taken some turns and I just consider it a challenge.In your case you are exhausted.My friend had a tia a month ago and they found 2 small tumors that had calcified.Just keep diverting each other's attentions away form it and onto something else..Does she like her place a lot?The new one. I know the current situation but overall?

Chrissy said...

I would wake them cats up! You are a softy... :D
Glad the move is almost sorted. It will be good for your Mum to be in her own place and for you too. I suspect you are going to have to get some kind of panic button to put your mind at ease, do they still do that?
You are needing a rest...

Julie said...

Helena I totally admire you for all you have done for your Mum but you must get some help or you will be too ill yourself to look after her. I have just looked after my own Mum for 2 weeks and the stress was phenomenal, I am exhausted so I know some of how you are feeling. You should be sleeping in your bed at night, you need your rest. Are you setting up a care package for your Mum for when she moves into her bungalow? My friend has had all sorts of things fitted at her Mum's flat to sense if she has a fall so that help is called automatically. Take care of yourself. xx

Stardust said...

I truly admire you for what you've done this far, the move, packing , mom, cats, stuff around, you should be so proud knowing what you're capable of, but I think you're forgetting your own needs. And I surely hope that you'll allow a little for yourself at least.

Thinking of you and all at home. Hope that the kitties behave. Gentle hugs.

Angel and Kirby said...

I am not sure what the advocates do, but would check into it. Do you have any thing like Home Health? I know your Mom is not bed ridden like mine is but Home health comes in three times a week to help her shower! I know how trying and stressful this is for you. You need to take time and do something nice for yourself.

Angel and Kirby said...

I am not sure what the advocates do, but would check into it. Do you have any thing like Home Health? I know your Mom is not bed ridden like mine is but Home health comes in three times a week to help her shower! I know how trying and stressful this is for you. You need to take time and do something nice for yourself.

Angel and Kirby said...

I am not sure what the advocates do, but would check into it. Do you have any thing like Home Health? I know your Mom is not bed ridden like mine is but Home health comes in three times a week to help her shower! I know how trying and stressful this is for you. You need to take time and do something nice for yourself.

Feronia said...

You are doing such a wonderful job caring for your Mum, Helena. But you do need to take care of yourself too otherwise, as Julie said, you won't feel well enough to keep looking after her. A good place to start is getting as good a night's sleep as you can. Take care xx

Lynda (Granny K) said...

What a weight you are carrying right now. You must be so exhausted. Try and rest when you can. Hugs, Lynda

Calamity Jane said...

Hello petal, thank you so much for the lovely card. I've been a bit out of things lately - had a bit of a breakdown at work a few weeks ago and am currently licking my wounds and keeping a low profile. I'm glad you were able to get your Mum closer, what a relief that must be for both of you. Still thinking of you =^^=

Calamity Jane said...

Oh you're vetting us now, giggle. I need to do that on my blog - for some reason I've attracted far eastern interest. It could be a publisher wanting to make me a writing phenomenon for all I know but somehow I doubt it .. he he. xx