Farewell, our sweet "gentle lad"...

 

SCOOTER

23rd March 1993 

- 17th September 2012

Here is how it happened.
I write it for my own record,
and also for those strong enough.
But don't feel you have to read it.
It isn't horrible, just sad.

He went to join his sister about 3.40pm.
It was time. Only just. 
The night before, he had trotted in, and climbed up onto the windowsill behind  the sofa in just two clear leaps.
He slept there all night and I stayed with him.
He hugged my hands, and enjoyed 'chinny rubs'.
He stayed there till the afternoon, napping in sunshine.
Whilst there I still offered food, but it repelled him. I left water next to him but he didn't touch it. I put some water into his mouth with a little syringe; I knew dehydration would make him feel bad. I gave him enough to wet his mouth, I think, but he didn't want more. A teaspoon or two. 

(N.B. I remembered the vet saying some time ago, that if a pet is going to be put to sleep, it is best if their tummy is empty for a little while before, or else there is a chance the injection will make them sick and the process becomes difficult for them and longer drawn out. I wanted to mention this in case any one thinks I should have forced him to eat.)

He climbed halfway down, meowed, so I helped him down the last bit, about 2.30pm.
His back legs almost gave way entirely, he couldn't walk far.
He settled in the shade on the floor.
We offered a bed, a blanket, and mum offered her gilet, but he just wanted to lie down and be let be. He didn't want cuddles now, they made him feel worse. He wanted quiet and stillness. We talked gently to him now and then but tried not to disturb him. Disturbing him caused him to try to move, and he found it difficult now.

The vet came. He spoke gently and kindly to him. 
He gathered him up and examined his tummy and back legs, all the while telling him what a good, brave boy he was.

His conclusion; there was no constipation, no blockage that he could detect, and he didn't think a tumour was in the way. Nothing to explain why he wouldn't, couldn't eat or poo. He said that he thought that, finally, things were giving up inside. He had so much to fight-
hyperthyroidism, FIV, hypoglycaemia (prob. caused by pancreatic tumour), and then the bacterial infection on his face that wouldn't clear. He seemed to have no pain as the vet examined him, as he squeezed and examined his tummy, hips, etc. No yelps, no signs of discomfort. There was weakness, and he probably felt sick, but no pain.

I asked the vet to give him a sedative first, as I was worried that he wouldn't be able to find a vein for THE injection, thinking that Scooter would be dehydrated. He agreed.

So, I held Scooby in my arms, his head on my shoulder, talked to him and stroked him, while the vet gave him a jab in the scruff of his neck. He jumped, as this one would have stung. (I forgot it would.) He wiggled so I lay him back down on the floor and stroked him and held his toes. I suddenly remebered Flat Mouse, and asked mum to get him. She found him just in time. I tucked Flat Mouse next to his toes, and talked to him, told him look, here he is, here's Flat Mouse. Now, you go bub-byes, it's ok. You'll be ok, and so will we. He sniffed Flat Mouse, just managed to lift a paw onto him, then fell asleep.

Mum and I stroked him and talked to him. After about five minutes, the vet gave him the other injection. Before it was completely in him, he was gone.

I turned to talk to the vet and when I turned back, mum had tucked a little blanket around him and had one hand on his back, and talked quietly to him.

Luvbug was home in half an hour. We left Scooter where he was for when he got home.

We all sat on the floor near to him and drank tea (or I had water) and we shared some funny memories through tears.

Luvbug and I have dug a place next to his sister, Figs, in the garden. We will put in the box containing the ashes of his other sister, Fluffy, and we will of course put in his mousies.

I have left the place overnight empty.
I have placed Scooter in a pillow-slip, then wrapped in his favourite blankie, then placed on a pillow, then slid him into his big cave-box in the conservatory. I have draped another blankie across the front of it and left a candle lit. 

It's my plan to bury him at first light, in the garden he loved so much, while the birds are singing..................

My darling, gentle, funny friend, I miss you, and will always remember your sweet ways, your loyalty and love. I'm sorry for all the medicines, and I'm sorry I couldn't help you any more. I'm sorry you were scared, and I know you didn't really want to go. But you didn't deserve to hurt, or not be able to do the things you wanted to do any more. I hope that you are somewhere now, I hope that you are free and well. I hope that if you can see me, that you understand I didn't want you to go. I meant no harm, Scooby. I just couldn't help you any more....................

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Helena

"Goodbye" beckons... *updated*

Scooter hasn't pooed since Wednesday, and hasn't eaten since Friday, except for a little chicken Saturday morning. He hasn't eaten any cat food, or anything at all other than raw chicken since Wednesday, either. He simply wouldn't touch anything else. Now, he won't eat that either.

We tried a Miralax mini enema yesterday. My neighbour, Sharon, used to be a veterinary nurse, and she did this for us! What a great neighbour!
Unfortunately, it has no effect.

This indicates that the blockage is higher up.

We have an oral laxative on order and this should arrive tomorrow.

But the worry now is that this might be caused by the pancreatic tumour- it may have spread to the intestine, or it may just have grown and now be leaning on the intestine, closing things off and making it harder, or impossible to pass any food past it.

We don't really know. And Nick, the vet, is on holiday (again!!!) till Tuesday.

I don't think Scooter can wait that long. We may have to call an emergency vet to come out today, or else ask someone else at Nick's practice to come out tomorrow- and help poor Scoob to go to Rainbow Bridge.

I can no longer get him to eat. And if there is a blockage further down, getting him to eat might just be making it more uncomfortable for him anyway.

I DID get a little down him with a small syringe. It amounted to just a teaspoon- a little pupmkin, and a little Vitalite. It was very stressful for him, he hated it.

I had to get it down him though, as I had given him his Antirobe anti-biotic via a pill-popper (he was prescribed this on Friday for his sinus infection) - this type of capsule can linger in the gullet and cause problems and pain so you must follow it with food or liquid to make it go down.

This morning he looks like a different cat. He looks worn out. His face looks different.

The galling thing it this- he hasn't had a seizure for two weeks now- we've got on top of that- and these last couple of days- even today as well- he has climbed back up onto the windowsill, no problem. 

We are all in tears. 

We are expecting to say goodbye pretty soon.

No food, no poos..... and sinus problems. When I washed his face for him today, what came away was bloodstained. It might just be irritation of the sinus lining. EIther way, it is one more thing for him to put up with. I think it is coming up to time to call time..... he has been so brave....now we have to be.....

update

It's 10pm. Scooter hasn't eaten, drunk, or pooed, (and until 5 minutes ago he hadn't peed, either).

He slept most of the day on the windowsill in the sun. He looked happy and peaceful.
He climbed down OK, then just sort of flaked out in a corner.
We called the vet, and asked if someone would come and put him to sleep.
All the vet clinics round here hand over to the same emergency vet service at weekends- "Vets Now". At first they said they would charge £500 to come out, then they said they couldn't anyway, as they only had one vet there, and she was watching an animal come out of anaesthetic. What sort of emergency service is it that only has one vet and can't come out?

So we cancelled. Then later in the evening, I heard a change in Scooter's breathing. When I checked his box, he was having a seizure. I held him till he was ok.

Again, we called the vet. There had been a shift change, so we had to explain it all again. There was still no one to come out. Reluctantly, we agreed to take Scooter in. I thought I would wrap him in his blankie, rather than use the cat carrier. While Luvbug was getting the car ready and Mum was getting her shoes on, I carried Scooter out to his garden fo one last look. He wriggled down, walked back towards the house, stopped and meoweddddd...
Once indoors, he hid under a chair.

I cancelled again. I said, he's not ready.

Since then, he has cuddled my hands while in his box, had just one lap of water, been out for a pee, walked to the door and taken up his 'mousing' position.

My plan is to stay up tonight with him. I'll give him some honey, maybe, to get him through, and I'll give him his pain meds, but that's all. Then I'll call the usual clinic tomorrow and get someone to come out.

I think tomorrow is the big day :(  I just knew he wasn't ready today.

Having written all that, he has just come along, jumped up on the windowsll in two bounds, no trouble. How is he able to, without having eaten or drunk for so long? It's all confusing....

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Helena

Scooter the Wonder Cat

I filmed Scooter in the garden last Tuesday, and I hope you have a few minutes to watch.  You'll see how big he is, how glossy his coat is!!! 

You'll also see the swelling I've been talking about, around his eye and nose. 

The anti-biotic jab hasn't done as much for this as we'd hoped.
It IS definitely doing something- Scoob sneezes and snorts, a real manly yucky snort. Bleagh. Poor Scoob. I THINK what's happening is that the anti-B is breaking up and attacking the infection. I hope so.

Two other developments-

1. I've started to put honey into his drinking water. I think it's helping because HE HASN'T HAD A SEIZURE FOR A WHOLE WEEK! This is the longest since July, I think. The honey water means that his blood sugar stays up just that little bit in between munchies. If it drops too low, he looses the impulse to eat. Then it's downhill all the way to a hypo, unless I force honey or something into him, which he hates me doing. But he does drink, even if he won't eat. So I suddenly thought, ok, put the honey in his water! I was suprised he drank it, to be honest. But he doesn't mind it at all. I told the vet and he said it was ok, as it isn't like we have to worry about any teeth! (He has a couple of fangs, though, I'm sure Scoot would like me to point out.)
2. I discovered from the vet that what I had been told was the maximum dose for his painkiller isn't that at all- it's only half what he can have! It felt like a punch to my stomach, I was so shocked, as it means I could have given him more relief when his hip has given him trouble. AAARGHH. Never mind. The only good way to look at it is to say, well, we thought there was no more we could do, but now we know there is. We can up his painkiller. And as it's an anti-inflammatory, it should help that swelling round his eye, too.

So....... there have been tears this week, again, but also smiles as we have had more hot weather, and so we've been able to see Scooter enjoying sunbathing again, and snoozing on his cushions on or under his bench. The higher dose of painkiller is making a difference, I think.

Now to the video.......


THANK YOU all again for your loving comments and messages. I am very touched that you have taken Scooter to your hearts :)

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

Good ol' Scoob!

I've decided to write about good things. There are still good things, even on the heartache days. You'd be suprised! I want to focus on these. I'll still post updates, but I'll share some of the nice moments, too.

Scooter had another long-term anti-B injection on Friday. So far, so good.
There are risks, I know. But the infection around his nose/sinus/blocked tear duct did well when he had one last time. The oral anti biotics aren't doing much to it. It doesn't help that I can't get them down him regularly, that is, daily and at the same time.

The bacterial infection might be helping to lower the blood sugar. Or it might just be that it makes eating harder. Either way, he'd be feeling better if we could reduce it.

He was so lovely with the v-t. It was Nick, the v-t we prefer, who came out to the house. Scoob was in his cave. But when Nick spoke to him he moved to the front of it to see him. What I like about this v-t is that he'll talk to Scooter, not just to us. He has cats of his own.

Anyway, after the jab, and after a short sulk in which if looks could kill I doubt I'd still be here, he had a nice long, deep sleep.

I've learnt to spot Good Sleeps and Bad Sleeps. Good Sleeps are if he is curled up at all, and especially if he is 'on his brains'. Bad Sleeps are if he is sprawled, nose down. This was a Good Sleep. He ate well when he woke, and had a good night....

Yesterday he caught one of those cheeky woodmice that have been popping out from under the decking!!  
I found the mouse's head under his bench. I showed it to him, and asked, "Where's the rest of this mouse?" Immediately, he knocked it out of my hand and leapt off the bench and started to play a sort of football with the head, but using his nose.

Then he ate it.

Bleagh......!

He curled up on his bench again. I went indoors to wash my hands, then went back out to sit with him. As I was talking to him, he pawed my hands, bringing them close to his nose- he was inspecting them for more mousie treats!

He has had a wobble in his right back leg again, but otherwise, he is eating, purring, rubbing my hands with his chin..... the drop in temperature means that he has had his hot water bottle again, and tonight he is lying with his bottom on it.

I continue to tell him about his friends around the world, all sending  purrs and strokes, scritches and scrunches, purrrayers and prayers. He purrs........

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Thank you all again for your kind comments, messages and emails. I am very grateful that you use your time to send such support and help. I'm very touched and can't thank you enough, nor stress enough what a great difference it makes........thankyou!

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

A seizure, a wobble, and some Mummy Cuddles

Oh dear. A seizure this evening. He has different types. With this type, I am able to pick him up, settle down and just gently hold him, shield his eyes from the light and talk softly. Poor baby couldn't stop his front legs twitching, so couldn't stop scratching me. I just let him. Snuggled in under my chin, paws twitching and scratching the top of my arm. That's ok. I told him he was safe. I thought about him being safe and happy. I knew he was coming round when he slowed and purred- purrs that grew longer and bigger- and then climbed down. He isn't a cuddle cat, you see. Only wants Mummy Cuddles when he isn't well. He has eaten since, and is at the door looking for night time woodmice. His back legs are still wobbly though. Can't get his meds down him. I have cried another bucket. I try to think healing thoughts, but I just don't have the mental energy any more. I can't do it. Can't focus on the good.

I think you can do two things when someone you love has an incurable illness. You can either start to grieve straight away, and so grieve early, and while they are still with you, and it becomes a long, drawn out grief unless you let yourself go numb, stop any feeling towards them.... when the loss comes, there is an element of relief, of closure, of abilty to move on. The trouble with this reaction is that you spend a little of your time with them grieving. You mourn while they're still here. Isn't that a waste?

The other way is to postpone the grief, carry on as normal, say that life is life till the end, and it isn't the end yet, so keep going as before. Smile, enjoy the time you have. Push away any numbness that threatens to close round your heart. Say that no, you will instead love with all your strength till the end. 
This way takes more strength, I think. And when the loss comes, the blow is harder.

And yes, I do feel qualified to describe these things. A dear friend was diagnosed with leukaemia in March, and a prognosis of 6-9 months. We continued as before, with lots of laughter and gossip. The prognosis was over-generous; she died at the end of May. I can't describe the shock.

I haven't had time or space to grieve for her. I've gone straight into caring for Scooter, straight into his seizures coming more frequently. 

What makes it all the more cruel is that my friend's husband is a vet, and she was a nurse, so whenever I had a worry about Scooter's health, we would talk about it. She would confer with her husband for me. So I've gone from losing her to straight into a situation that I would share with her.

I have been trying to love Scooter the same way as I loved her, positive to the end, focusing not on the end but the good in the present. But I am flagging. Running out of steam. I don't want to look back in the future and think, I didn't strokehim when I could, or talk to him enough, or blah blah blah whatever it is that I can't do right now..........

Now I am waffling........... I will go and get some tea, and check on him. I think he's gone back into his bed....

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

A week on...

 

 Scooter waiting for one of his soft blankies to dry...

Scooter had another seizure on Wednesday and a 'twitchy' episode yesterday. He is now having another. I've given him some NutriDrops, a mixture of glucose and vitamins. I hope it brings him out of it. He has retreated to back of his 'cave' (an enormous box laid on its side, with a quilt and pillow inside for him).

The only way to prevent the seizures is regular food. But he won't eat. Same as yesterday, and Wednesday. He looks interested in the food you bring, sniffs it, then turns away. He isn't depressed; purring and putting his paw in your hand, letting you make a fuss of him. He's alert, too. It's confusing and painful that I can't stop the seizures. On a good day, when he is eating, he is his old self still.....

THANK YOU for all your advice and kind messages. I know that some of you revisited painful memories in order to write what you did. Your kindness is helping. I think I know some things sometimes but just need reminding, or to hear someone else say it.

I have found myself wondering whether his reluctance to eat is Scooter's way of saying that he has had enough. Then again, reluctance to eat is also a sign of the hypoglycaemia! So it could be wrong to interpret it like that.

I have sat and talked to him, telling him it is OK to let go if he is too tired of it all, that his sister, Figs and Fluffy, and his Mama cat, will all be waiting to show him to his next adventure. I told him we'll miss him but be ok, and that he will still be able to see us if he likes. He put his paw on my hand and purred. 

Last night he was out, inspecting the woodmice that live under the decking. I think he may want to hold on till he gets one ;)
We are here for him round the clock. Especially as a new behaviour has begun- suddenly, he is calling out in his sleep. I go to him and reassure him, then he settles down again. But it's such a tiny, plaintiff meow it breaks my heart to hear. I don't think he's in pain. I wonder if he wakes up with temporary blindness, as he eyes look opaque for a few minutes- a possibility of this condition..... poor Scoob. Or maybe it's bad dreams.

The more the symptoms add up, and the more often he won't eat, the more often the seizures come..... I am keeping a note of these things, and we'll just have to try to fathom when he's had enough, or when his quality of life has declined too much.

My emotions are on a yo-yo; one minute I am resigned to saying goodbye, then he gets better and I am elated. Then down I go again, then up. Mum is worried, but doesn't say much. She was hoping we would take her to a dog show today, but we can't go out, so she is disappointed. She gets bored, I know, and I know that this has been a diffcult summer for Luvbug too. But I can't be going on days out all the time wondering how he is here alone, and whether he is having another seizure, or calling out...
I've caught Luvbug in tears. 
 
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make Scooter all young again! No matter the strain, I feel I owe him my best, buckets of love, and every last chance.

***UPDATE***

The NutriDrops don't seem to have had any effect. He has remained lying on his pillow and recoils from contact. We're leaving him to sleep, and just wondering whether he is going to go into a seizure, or worse, a coma. The v-t doesn't work weekends. If this continues through the night, I'm afraid Scooter's adventures might close tomorrow...

***UPDATE***

I've just managed to tempt him to some raw chicken. He may be going to suprise us again. 

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  

Helena

Bit better today.... but bad news about another cat

*** I won't be able to update for a few days as the mains adapter for my computer has broken. I don't have much battery power left!! I've sent off for a new one but it'll take a few days....***

Hi all,
thanks for the messages...
the good vet isn't in today! AARGH!
Back tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I haven't given Scoot any steroid today. He has been up and meowing, eating well and enjoying his new bed. He has had a nice sit in the sun and now he's back in his bed, asleep on his brains! He seems back to his norm.

I don't intend to give any more steroid till tomorrow night, and then only a half tablet. I'll call the vet tomorrow too. I'm wondering if to try a half tablet, every other day. He had such a good reaction to the half tablet on Friday, and only went downhill when the dose was increased...

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Meanwhile, bad news from my dad :( 
he had to have his big black and white cat, Benny, put to sleep today, as a large blood clot left his back legs and tail paralysed. 
Poor Benny went into shock. The vet couldn't help him. Dad was in tears, it's not long since he had to say goodbye to his poodle. He has one cat left, Jimmy, who is looking for his playmate now. It's so said when they leave a playmate behind, isn't it?......

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

Oh dear........

Just when we thought we'd clinched it.... another seizure today. Or seizure*S*.  

Face twitching and front paws jerking. WIDE, huge opaque eyes.
I covered his eyes with one hand (best to make it dark for them, and quiet- less stimulus) and talked to him gently, lying next to him. The seizures kept letting go, leaving him tired and resting his head down... then the seizure returned and started again. They came in waves.... at one point mum took over, trying to reassure him. She had felt at a lose end, and was in tears.

After 40 minutes or more, I covered half his box with a towel to make it darker inside. He's near the open door, so he shouldn't get too hot.....

Mum is now sitting on a floor cushion next to him, while he is dozing with one eye open.

I had to break away to cook dinner, and it's salmon, so I wanted to have some cooked and ready to tempt him when he comes too....

We are all stunned. Not much conversation going on here this afternoon. We are all shocked back into reality, after thinking that -hurray!- we had solved the seizures...

The v-t prescribed one 5mg tablet of prednisolone. I can give it in one go, or split into two doses.
On Friday night I gave him his first dose, a half tablet.
Well, within half an hour it took effect- he was up and about, alert. He trotted in from the catflap, almost a little run! Later, he climbed up to the windowsill again. WOW, we thought. This is working!

That night, I stayed up with him, but didn't need to coax him to eat as he was back on nightwatch- investigating all the places that mice had enticed him before- and in between investigations, he was eating from his biscuit bowl.

Yesterday I thought, well, it will be easier if he takes the tablet in one dose, won't it? And down it went.
OPPOSITE reaction. Totally lethargic. And a few times over the course of the day, he cried out as though in pain. I wonder if he had stomach ache from it.

He perked up last night, and i wondered if this was because there was then less in his system. OK, I thought, I won't give him any more till Monday morning, and it will be a half dose.

But today I thought better of it, and gave him a half dose this morning.
He had been out before, but since the dose stayed to his bed.
And now the seizures...............

It is SO painful to watch your little one in pain and scared, and to suspect that it was something YOU gave him that made it happen.

I'm not giving him any more steroids till Tuesday now, and then a half dose.
I should have listened to my gut..... after all, it was my own gut feelings that led us to the blood sugar problem. I should trust my own hunches.....

SH*T SH*T SH*T*

:(

The blood tests showed that Scooter's sugar levels have been low for a long period.
The v-t could only think of two things that would cause such low levels for a sustained period.
The first is liver cancer.
Although Scooter's liver reading was up, he didn't think there was a problem here.
Scoot doesn't have any of the other signs of liver cancer, and anyway, he doesn't think that even this would make the sugar *SO* low.

The second is that rare pancreatic tumour called an insulinoma. It can't be 100% confirmed without an ultrasound. But given Scooter's age - 19 1/2 next month - this wouldn't be possible. The v-t says he can't see it could be anything else.

If you google 'insulinoma in cats' you won't find much! I keep finding extracts from vet journals that read 'there are only 4 cases in the record'. One said five.

The opinion is always that the tumour progresses quickly.

However, Scooter's seizures started last summer. 
So, logically, this means 1 of 3 things-

1) it's been an insulinoma all along, and now it is speeding up, and he doesn't have long
2) the literature is wrong, the tumour doesn't always progress quickly
3) it isn't an insulinoma

Anyway...... so we're agreed that the cause of the seizures is low blood sugar. We now know diet isn't going to be enough to improve this, so Scooter has been prescribed a dose of prednisolone to raise the blood sugar.

He also has new anti-biotics, smaller ones, that I'm hoping to be able to get into him more easily. These are for the lump on his face, which the v-t now expects to be an antibacterial infection, following the blockage of the tear duct by something-??- we don't know what.

So................. we treat the symptoms with the steroid, basically.
In insulinoma, this will help control it.
Eventually, the steroid won't work.
At that stage, we have to judge how good Scooter's quality of life is....

I am grateful for more time, but at the same time as this, I know that the decision I thought we were having to make a few weeks ago is only a matter of time. Then again, it always is, isn't it? Now we can make him feel better at least for a while. Give him a good final run-up.

Today I went into town and bought one of those huge big padded pillows, covered in long soft fleece. Oh! It had 'dog bed' on the label. Really? Where does the dog go???
I brought it straight to Scooter in the garden. He got on it right away and was soon snuggled in, purring. Well, I have to spoil him while I can ;)

Thank you all, again, for all your support, purrs and purrayers...... it has been a long few weeks. At least now we have some answers, even if not very nice ones. THANKS for being there.... your comments and emails, and my visits to your blogs (oh yes, I've been lurking, even if I couldn't comment!) have helped me keep going and helped me especially during the nights when I've sat here alone and just cried so hard I can't make a sound.

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

A Little Success Is A Big Thing...

......I fed Scooter at 1am, 4am, again at 6.30, and I put the alarm on for 8.30, but found that Luvbug was already up and feeding him! And.............. NO SEIZURE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I am thinking this is a case of-
not active at night, so-
doesn't nibble his food through the night, so-
blood sugar drops, and-
has a seizure in the morning.

My plan now is to keep to this night-time waking and feeding unless he starts being active at night again.

I rang the vet.
He won't come out to do a Convenia shot, even when I reminded him that the stress of the carrier/car/visit to the clinic brought on a big seizure last time we went, in April.
No, he won't come out.
So instead he is leaving out some more of the same anti-B he has been on the last few days. Luvbug has gone up now to collect it, along with more Hills A/D, as Scoot has eaten all our supplies!

As to discussing the question of blood sugar, the vet said he will call me back later.

Hmmm.

Oh well, a little break through is a big thing. 
I wonder why his blood sugar isn't stable, though?
I wonder if it has to do with his hyperthyroidism, for which he takes 10mg Vidalta daily.
He should have his levels checked, really.
When the other vet is back from hol's I'll ask if he'll come out.

Thanks again for your support and kindness............ p-lease keep purrs and purrayers coming!

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

Update....

Well I stayed up and fed Scooter at 4am.
He was stirring a little in his sleep, but when I put the saucer near his head he was wide awake, and gulping it down like a starved horse! He ate over half a tin of Hills A/D.
I stayed around, checking on him, watching him sleep, finally lying down to get some sleep myself on the sofa at 6.10am.


I put the alarm on for 8am, but slept through it.
Mum woke me with her 9am call, which she always makes to let me know she is up and ok and taken her tablets.
I fell asleep again..... finally checking Scooter at 9.30am.... he was at the start (I think) of a seizure.
His eyes were wide and glazed, opaque. His head was moving to and fro, to and fro.
I dished up the rest of the A/D and put it under his chin. He licked it up, but still doing the head movement, so he was going
left - middle, eat, - right - middle, eat, - left - middle, eat, - right - middle, eat, - left.. etc.
I kept wiping his chin of long traily bits of A/D and saliva.
Poor Scoob.
But feeding him was the right thing to do as he gradually came out of it. I lay next to him till he was alert again. Luvbug was with us by then and Scooter lifted his head to greet him.


SO- I do think that this may be an overnight drop in blood sugar. My mistake was leaving over 5 hours between his 4am snack and breakfast.


I always put down fresh dry food at night, last thing, and up till recently he has nibbled this through the night. But lately he hasn't. I couldn't understand why not, but this evening the obvious reason has occurred to me- he is simply less active at night lately. You can't eat in your sleep. So even though I put the food right next to him, even if he stirs in his sleep he won't eat it. I need to wake him with food. Sometimes his Mummy can be very slow to cotton on to things.


So I've put the volume up on my alarm and I'll feed him at 4am and 7am, then again at 9 and check him at 10, then sleep a few hours myself.We'll see if THIS works!!!


Thank you for your messages of support and prayers and purrrrayers. Also, for lots of helpful suggestions!-

Everycat- I know the timed feeding dishes you mean, but the trouble is I think he needs to be woken up and actually shown the food to eat it! He is obviously hungry, but even during the day, if the food isn't put under his chin he won't go and eat it! I've only seen once today investigating his dish on his own!

Laura and Taffeta Rose- bloodwork results, yes, good question. Can you believe they haven't taken blood?? I first presented Scooter to the vet in April about the lump on his face, and he was given anti-biotics, but no test. This another reason why I was suprised that the vet gave him the Convenia Jab - without knowing what bug we are up against.

Oui Oui & The Lee County Chowder- He does have a late meal before bedtime. He has the fresh kibble left down all night, and also, when he comes in from his last trip to the toilet patch in the garden (!) I give him a saucer of something. Lately he is licking his plates clean! He loves A/D! I am very pleased because he hasn't been drinking much at all, and A/D is very wet.

Tomorrow I need to call the vet again, really. He said to call when I've used up the anti-B's that I've got. I've got one day's left. I know he'll recommend another Convenia shot. I wonder if to agree, as I have had trouble getting the meds down him today. 

On the other hand, I wish they would do a blood test and see if they can pin-point an infection. He hasn't had a temperature whenever they've tested it, which to me is odd, as I thought you got a temperature if you had an infection. Weird! Maybe his FIV prevents him fighting it, and therefore stops the temperature going up.....


I don't know if this vet would be willing to take blood on a home visit, but I think maybe we need to either think in terms of palliative care, or in terms of finding out what this is. I think if we're still talking about anti-B's then it's worth while trying to find out which ones we should be using, yes? Blood tests will be stressful though...............


I'll see how the early food goes.... it's a seizure each morning for 6 days in a row now.... :(  
I'll speak to the vet tomorrow, but I am dreading it as he makes me feel like I am silly and know nothing, and being a nuisance, an overly worried pet owner making demands on his time.....

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Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

Scooter and Flat-Mouse, & another seizure....

Just when you thought he couldn't get any cuter........

 

This is Scooter with Flat-Mouse.
Flat-Mouse is so called because he came without filling, just a little catnip inside.
After having been left out in the rain overnight one time, and getting all muddy, and then having a whizz round the washing machine and an undignified hang by the tail on the washing line, Flat-Mouse is nice and soft but no longer catnippy.
Scoob loves him. I often stroke him with Flat-Mouse.


I took this picture yesterday. He's on his cushion by the door in the sun. I had left the mouse next to him. Next time I looked, he had scooped him up in his paws and was holding him like this.

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Another seizure today, that's 3 days in a row. Today's was a bit more worrying than the last two. AND- the lump on his face is back! It wasn't there over night, I know because I stayed up with him. But sometime when he was asleep this morning, between 6 and 9, it came back! NOW it is below his lower eyelid, on his cheek bone. The eye is all watery, but clear, no redness or discharge.

I rang the vet- the last two I've spoken to are on holiday now. So I ended up having to speak to the one I've been less confident in. He recommended I use up the 4 antibiotic pills I have in the house left over from April when I he gave me a large amount of them for whenever Scoot has sniffles. He said if they aren't working on the lump by the time I've used them up, he recommends another Convenia injection, which is exactly what I DON'T want Scooter to have. So I'm going to browse online and see if there is an alternative anti-B that comes in pills.

Convenia has so many associated side effects. And it stays in the body up to 65 days, even though it's only effective for about 12. He had this jab 2 weeks ago without my prior approval, and I don't want it doubled up. I said all this to the vet but he just said it'll be ok. But my gut feeling is to query this. WHY give an animal an anti-b injection if he is perfectly ok with taking pills??? I'd rather give him a dose a day. If he has a bad reaction to the jab, it's in his system and too late to do anything. If he reacts badly to a pill I can just stop giving it to him...............at his age, as well, I don't want all this stuff building up in his system. I have to think about his liver and kidneys...... aarggh!!!!!!!!!! 

I wish my friend, Donna, was still around. I would always run to her with stuff like this. She would talk to her husband, a vet, and then come back to me, or she would just stop me worrying with her tales of looking after strays, or with her humour.... I miss her. She died 31st May. I feel like I haven't had time to grieve yet. I keep thinking I can email her....

Love, tea & cake, Helena

Scooter in the sun today

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVING MESSAGES......I'll try to do some answers to them........
We are keeping close to Scooter and passing on all your love and scritches........

**UPDATE** 

Well Kate came back and said that they can order in one anti-fungal for cats, but the one that is best for neurological symptoms isn't actually licensed for cats- we'd have to order a human version and use that with their supervision re the dose. BUT! She said we can't use anything for the moment, as the long lasting anti-biotic jab he had last Monday clashes with anti-fungals in a bad way. She said that the jab, Convenia, last 2 weeks, but I have read on the drug sheet that it can take 65 days to clear the body :(


So we are now in a 'wait and see and spoil him rotten' situation.


Since the anti-b. jab the lump seems to have moved, changed a bit. It's now more around his eye. He just about lets me bathe and clean his nose and eye. But he is a boy so puts his paw up at me when he has had "nuff!".

He is breathing more clearly, and only ocassionally 'snorts'. But there is no raspiness or snoring now.


At the supermarket last night I noticed lots of fruit boxes with the Union Flag on them that were being stacked to be thrown out. I brought one home and put it in the garden. He is now in it, stretched out (it is just his lenghth) and asleep in the sun.


He was up hunting mice in the night, and sat on the stairs this morning waiting for Luvbug to come down- school has broken up now so of course Luvbug didn't come down for quite a while, but he remembers his routine.


I am still sleeping downstairs to be near him. I want him to know he won't ever be alone. Even when we have to nip out, mum cat sits ;)




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Love, tea & cake, Helena

Scooter news

Thank you all for all the kind messages for Scooter, which have helped us so much.
I've told him he has friends all over the world sending him purrs and under-chin scrunchies.

I am going to list what has happened since last week, because I know people will want to know how he is doing, and also, there is something new and again, I wonder if any cat people out there recognise any of this........

Well, the vet that came out last week has now gone on holiday for two weeks :( I didn't know he was going, or I'd have called him on Friday.... poo.

I spoke to Kate, one of his colleagues, today.

Luvbug and me have been looking at the possibility that Scooby's trouble might be a fungal infection, not a bacterial one.

We looked up something called CRYPTPCOCCOSIS.

Scooter has all but one of the 10 symptoms listed.

The most common source of the yeast that causes this is present in bird droppings, and of course, we have bird feeders all over the garden......


Even seizures can be caused by this :(


I wish we had known this sooner!


Anyway, there is an anti-fungal called FLUCONAZOLE that is good for this infection where seizures are present. Kate has gone off to see if they have any in stock. She is calling me back later.

• MEANWHILE- 
• his back legs seem stronger than they've been in weeks. He is walking properly, albeit slowly, not on his haunches and up on his front toes. 
• he is using the cat flap again!!
• he is using his patch in the garden, and even manages a little jump off the patch.
• until today, he has been eating well.

• Here's the not so good stuff...
• Since mid-yesterday, the hard lump on the bridge of his nose has softened and spread across his eyebrow (I guess that might rule out tumour, though....?)
• His left eye is being pushed closed and the lids, upper and lower, are swollen, though not red.
• He has a nose bleed- he was sneezing yesterday, and maybe he burst a little blood vessel- least I hope that's all it is.
• Overnight, he was snoring and raspy much of the time.
• He won't let me touch his nose, so he has dried blood sticking all round his nostril.
• He took his meds today, in some ham, but refuses any other food I bring him.

Please keep the good thoughts, healing vibes, prayers, purrrayers and cyber-scrunches coming.....


Today it is very warm and sunny. He has lots of blankies out in the garden and he is laying with his bottom end in the sun and his head in the shade. He is breathing ok. I will keep trying to get him to eat and drink now and then, but I'm also leaving him to sleep peacefully as I'm sure he needs it. I gave him a little extra of his pain meds this morning and I'm hoping he has a nice day in the sun. One day at a time...........


You would not believe how much we have cried :(

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Love, tea & cake,
Helena

Preparing for Goodbye***UPDATED***

***Please scroll to the end for update***

Although Scooter has beaten the odds in so many ways, living with Feline Aids and Hyperthyroidism for years, and still today his liver and kidneys work ok, and his coat is shiny.... yet he is losing the battle this time.


He had another seizure on Sunday, and a bad one yesterday morning. Yesterday's was different- for the first time his back legs thrashed out and he cried out. I had always hoped that he wasn't aware of things during a seizure, but his crying told me that he did, and he was afraid.


He had mini seizures, tics and twitching throughout most of the day, and episodes of strange behaviour.


I rang and spoke to a vet, not my normal one. He offered to come to the house. I was SO grateful. I have become so used to vets not doing this I wasn't even going to ask.


Scooter's seizure had begun at 5.30am but the vet couldn't get to us till the afternoon. By that time Scooter was sound asleep. 


Scoot was so good, he put his head out of the box to see who it was and when the vet gave him injections he was fine with it. He was far more interested in watching him, and trying to investigate what was in his bag.


The vet said that the other vet was probably right in thinking that the lump on Scooter's face (between the side of the nose and the eye) was a growth of some kind. BUT, he said, maybe it's an infection that's got blocked, unable to drain away? So he gave Scooter a three-day steroid jab to take down the swelling, and a long term anti biotic.


Today, the seizures have stopped. Not a twitch- so far.


BUT.........


his back legs are so, so weak. He can't climb onto his favourite cushion, or step into the litter tray, or manage the little step into the next room. He walks only slowly, thoughtfully, with haunches down.


I put newspapers on the floor and put the litter on that, but he still has his pride. Rather than use it he walked, painfully slowly, to his poo patch at the end of the garden, for a wee. When he got back he flacked out and slept for a little while. 
(If you're saying "Cruel woman! Why didn't you carry him?", don't! He hates being picked up and previously I've found it can even bring on a seizure to be carried.)


He cries  :(
He doesn't understand why his back legs aren't following his front ones. 
Then out of the blue he hauled himself up onto a chair! I think he was showing me that he could. But he couldn't get down, as the back steering didn't work, so I had to gently lift his rear end down.


He also hasn't had a poo- maybe muscle weakness 'below the waist' is the reason for this too. Poor thing may be bursting, but can't push?


His legs weren't like this yesterday.
Last evening he was slow, but managed to walk ok. He walked round the garden with me and Luvbug.


We've all been upset and not sure when to 'call time'.
I told myself this this morning-  is he better than he was 24 hours ago? I suppose so. He isn't fitting and thrashing, and he is eating and drinking ok.


I have seen video's of cats after a stroke and they are weak and wobbly in the back legs. I wonder if it comes back ok.


I think we need to see if it's a case of aftershock from the last few days, and see if his legs come back.


If he stays the same as he is now, or gets worse, then I think it might be kinder to let him go now. 


I hope I'm not saying that because I'm so tired. Maybe I just want it to be over? Surely not. I keep asking myself, when? When will I know when? I was thinking this and Scooter put both front paws on my hand.

This morning at 5am he and I were in the garden and I 'saw' his sister Figs, the big black and white cat with soft fur and chortly purrs. She died in 2005. Just for a couple of seconds she sat on the decking at looked at us. Either she has come to help him, or to collect him. Or else I am just far more sleep deprived than even I think I am.

Luvbug has been in tears. He has never had a cat before.

**** *** **** *** **** ***

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT, AND FOR SENDING YOUR-

• PRAYERS
• PURRRAYERS
• GOOD VIBES
• LOVING THOUGHTS

I THINK THEY HAVE HELPED.


He is sleeping curled up, whereas he had been sleeping flat out, straight, like a stiff board.
He is walking more confidently, though still VERY slowly and methodically- he isn't on his wrists and haunches *quite so much*.
He managed a poo!!!
He is eating and drinking fine.
He is purring and enjoying a scrunch round the neck.
He is able to get on his cushion.
He walked to his patch in the garden and back.

however-
he is still sticking to his box,
sleeping most of the time,
been out of his box just once today......... but then, he has been through so much this week....poor wee thing, it has drained him....


I am too scared to draw breath, as deep down I know this is borrowed time and when we wake up tomorrow he could be near The Bridge again, and I know he can have a seizure without warning any time, and I know that after all the bad ones he had this week, he will be getting 'ripples', aftershocks from them....
BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE RETURN, HOWEVER TEMPORARY, OF PURR-FILLED, LUCID TIME WITH HIM :) HE REALLY IS A MIRACLE CAT, AND THE BRAVEST OF ALL............

Please keep things crossed for him, I have a gut feeling this is a gift, not long term, and I daren't look ahead...............will keep this updated........

**** *** **** *** **** ***

Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

Crossing fingers...

Here I am again with another update on my furball.


He had a great day yesterday! He ate well, took his meds, and the snorting and cataarh seems to have almost gone completely- he has his normal purr back and even his normal sounding meow has returned.


We had to nip out in the afternoon to take Mum for a check up. I gave him a hot water bottle and left him dozing, but we all forgot that it would get dark by the time we were back, and forgot to leave a light on for him. Well, when we came in he sat up on his desk and meowed us a good telling off!


In the evening he jumped up to sit next to Luvbug lots of times, like he used to a while ago.


Last night I went to bed calm and happy for the first time in ages! I didn't feel it necessary to stay up with him or try to sleep on the sofa.


This morning, though, he suddenly looked very thin. He has always been a big fella. I remember one vet saying, as Scoot got out of his basket years ago, "Gosh, he's a big brute, isn't he?!" It is strange to see his tummy tuck well in behind his hips, to feel his spine and even a hint of rib when I stroke him. How can you lose weight so quickly?


He was haunched up for a while, and I guessed it was tummy ache- he has had runny poos since Sunday ::(   I have been checking them to make sure there is no blood in them, and today for the first time there was.


So, it's to the vet again at 3.20 today.....


The passing of blood like this is associated with liver damage. It would be cruelly ironic if the meds have started to work but at the expense of his liver.


On the other hand, after nearly a week of runny poos maybe he could have something like piles! Not sure what they'll do today, maybe a blood test? I even scooped a little of the poo into a plastic box for the vet. OMG there is poo in my fridge!!!!


Well since that, he has eaten again. He has had steamed white fish and water. He and I sat on a blanket in the sun for a while, too. He loves the sunshine so much. His black fur gets warm so quickly!


I'm trying to think pragmatically, and tell myself that he had a good day yesterday and a sunbathe today, and both these things are unexpected blessings, and I'm so glad he has had these.


He is back on his chair, sleeping off his fish, curled up with the occasional little snore ;)


Please keep things crossed for us all................ and thanks so much for all your lovely messages, which are so helpful..........

Updates

We've been so worried for Scooter as he hasn't been eating or drinking. Then yesterday he drank again, and took just a mouthful of food.


Today, he has had some special smelly mush from the vet (Hill's A/D)- about a quarter of the tin with his medicine hidden inside, and then Luvbug made him a fishy soup from tuna and warm water, which he lapped up. Scoot is now on 'his' chair, on top of a fluffy sheet and hot water bottle, sleeping it all off. He's quiet, no snorting, just the occasional snore :)


I took this just now-

I took these last night. He loves the fire but hasn't stretched out in front of it like this in a while;

 When he got too warm he came and lay near to me and let me just rest my hand on him:

Despite the weight he's lost, he's still a lovely big bear cub of a cat, isn't he?

So what did the vet say?


Basically we have two options-

1) send him to an animal hospital near Cambridge, about a 90 minute drive away.
There, they will be able to use MRI scans as well as xrays to see if he has anything untoward in the skull or neck, like a tumour or polyps. Whereas my own vet would be able to do xrays here in Colchester, he wouldn't be able to do any surgery like this; hence the long journey.


2)continue to treat the symptoms with anti-biotics, decongestant and painkillers, monitor things regularly and if it all gets too waring for Scooter, that is, if it seems to be wearing him out and making him depressed, we let him go...

If Scoot were 10 years younger I think I'd take him to the hospital and do whatever I could. But at 18 1/2, and having had 2 seizures that I know of, there is a risk he won't come out of the anaesthetic.


I could say goodbye, then hand him over for the trip to the hospital and hope that it isn't really goodbye. But then he gets to be stressed and scared, driven away with strangers, handled by strangers in strange rooms. If he doesn't come out of that alive, it's a horrible last few hours to have. Luvbug says Scooter looks for me if I'm out or even upstairs too long. And when I'm alone with him he looks for Luvbug and his Granny. So he might feel abandoned, scared and confused.


So, sadly, though I think it will be accepting an earlier end, we have opted for (2). I still get bouts of guity tears, thinking I'm not doing all I can though...


Now, every day is borrowed, and a blessing. We've all shed tears.
Just have to try not to think ahead. Just give him what he needs for now, this moment. Does his hot water bottle need refilling? Would he like a scrunch under the chin? Must try to think no further than this, and we'll get through the next week or two, more if we are very lucky.....


Thank all again for your messages here, emails and texts. It all helps me when I'm tying myself up in knots over things..........