Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Sunday, 26 August 2012

A week on...

 
 Scooter waiting for one of his soft blankies to dry...

Scooter had another seizure on Wednesday and a 'twitchy' episode yesterday. He is now having another. I've given him some NutriDrops, a mixture of glucose and vitamins. I hope it brings him out of it. He has retreated to back of his 'cave' (an enormous box laid on its side, with a quilt and pillow inside for him).

The only way to prevent the seizures is regular food. But he won't eat. Same as yesterday, and Wednesday. He looks interested in the food you bring, sniffs it, then turns away. He isn't depressed; purring and putting his paw in your hand, letting you make a fuss of him. He's alert, too. It's confusing and painful that I can't stop the seizures. On a good day, when he is eating, he is his old self still.....

THANK YOU for all your advice and kind messages. I know that some of you revisited painful memories in order to write what you did. Your kindness is helping. I think I know some things sometimes but just need reminding, or to hear someone else say it.

I have found myself wondering whether his reluctance to eat is Scooter's way of saying that he has had enough. Then again, reluctance to eat is also a sign of the hypoglycaemia! So it could be wrong to interpret it like that.

I have sat and talked to him, telling him it is OK to let go if he is too tired of it all, that his sister, Figs and Fluffy, and his Mama cat, will all be waiting to show him to his next adventure. I told him we'll miss him but be ok, and that he will still be able to see us if he likes. He put his paw on my hand and purred. 

Last night he was out, inspecting the woodmice that live under the decking. I think he may want to hold on till he gets one ;)
We are here for him round the clock. Especially as a new behaviour has begun- suddenly, he is calling out in his sleep. I go to him and reassure him, then he settles down again. But it's such a tiny, plaintiff meow it breaks my heart to hear. I don't think he's in pain. I wonder if he wakes up with temporary blindness, as he eyes look opaque for a few minutes- a possibility of this condition..... poor Scoob. Or maybe it's bad dreams.

The more the symptoms add up, and the more often he won't eat, the more often the seizures come..... I am keeping a note of these things, and we'll just have to try to fathom when he's had enough, or when his quality of life has declined too much.

My emotions are on a yo-yo; one minute I am resigned to saying goodbye, then he gets better and I am elated. Then down I go again, then up. Mum is worried, but doesn't say much. She was hoping we would take her to a dog show today, but we can't go out, so she is disappointed. She gets bored, I know, and I know that this has been a diffcult summer for Luvbug too. But I can't be going on days out all the time wondering how he is here alone, and whether he is having another seizure, or calling out...
I've caught Luvbug in tears. 
 
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make Scooter all young again! No matter the strain, I feel I owe him my best, buckets of love, and every last chance.

***UPDATE***

The NutriDrops don't seem to have had any effect. He has remained lying on his pillow and recoils from contact. We're leaving him to sleep, and just wondering whether he is going to go into a seizure, or worse, a coma. The v-t doesn't work weekends. If this continues through the night, I'm afraid Scooter's adventures might close tomorrow...


***UPDATE***

I've just managed to tempt him to some raw chicken. He may be going to suprise us again. 




**** *** **** *** **** ***
Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

15 comments:

Beedeebabee said...

I'm so sorry, Helena. This post brought tears to my eyes just as many others have done. My heart truly breaks for you. I have no advice to offer today... I wish I could help, I really do. I think you've been the very best mom Scooter ever could have had. I'm so sorry he's not improving. This is just so sad. I'll continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie. Hang in there...and what ever decision you make, I'm sure will be the right one. xo Paulette

Julie said...

You've been very brave Helena and always done your very best for Scooter. I'm with Paulette, she's said it all. Sending you all lots of love xx

Angel and Kirby said...

My heart goes out to you at this time. I know the pain you are suffering for your boy. I would hold your hand or baby sit for you if I were close

Beedeebabee said...

I hope so, Helena. Sending lots of purr hugs to you and Scooter. xo

Old Kitty said...

Dearest mum Helena and beautiful Scooter.! Hang on in there - this is a long long long road but I truly believe there is the light at the end of the tunnel!

Take care
x

Eileen said...

Many hugs for you and yours, Helena, and all good thoughts to Scooter. You're doing well for your wee boy. Love, x

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

sweetest friends...please try not to overworry yourself at this time...it is so important to be prepared for what will be...but until then I found it was best to be love on Miss Peach and spend each moment making sure she is comfortable and to let her know we were always close...you are doing those things...we love you so much and hold you close!
Love Karla

Everycat said...

This is probably something you have tried or know about, but sometimes warming food up a little bit can just make it smell a bit stronger and can tempt a cat to eat. Did you have any success with using honey to up the blood sugar?

You write from the heart Helena, I know how hard it can be during these yo-yo days where one is ever vigilant for the smallest sign that something is going right or not. Try to keep hold of the bigger picture if you can. Scooter going out looking for meeces is big sign that he is still in the game. Scooter could not have a better Mum, you are doing all you can to make him comfortable, please don't be hard on yourself. Maybe Luvbug could take your Mum out for a day or half day?

Being with Scooter, is the kindest and most loving thing you can do for him. Being there for him is the right thing.

Sending you both love and rumbly purrs

Oliver, Gerry, Mungo & The Ape xx

Found art blog said...

I don't know what to say. You're already doing it all. Big hugs.

MorningAJ said...

I don't know what to say. Love and hugs to you both.

ABBY said...

Helena
I believe any of us in your shoes would question every decision and wonder if it was the right one. Scooter sounds like he is still with you in this fight. I am so sorry for you to see him like this and worry and wonder which is the right thing to do. Scooter is very brave as you are too. I am keeping you both in my prayers.

((hugs))

purrs
>^,,^<
✿•*¨`*•. ♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥✿•*¨`*•.

Rene said...

We just found your blog and are sorry you're going through this. We were going to suggest trying "other" foods to perhaps jump start his appetite. Sometimes cats stop eating and need a little help getting back in gear again. Chicken baby food is a favorite here for emergencies. Sending soft purrs.

Beedeebabee said...

Hi Helena...I was just thinking about you guys and wondering how you're doing. Hope all is going okay. xo

Helena said...

Thank you all for all your messages again........ I really do appreciate it, it really does help, really does make a difference...

Helena said...

A few answers.....

Yes, giving him honey is def. good at upping the blood sugar, but as he hates it I switched to nutri-drops. However, after today's seizure I might try just mixing some nutri-drops in with some honey..

Warming food.... yes! Luvbug adds warm water to the Hill's AD food, and we've snapped things in the microwave, too. I test them on my wrist to check they're not too hot- like with a baby's bottle:)

BABY FOOD- we tried this with my other cat, Fluffy, in 2010 during her last few months. We didn't have any success with it, hot or cold. Also, it's hard to find one with no onion in it....

We have had success with KING PRAWNS!!!!!