A week on...

 

 Scooter waiting for one of his soft blankies to dry...

Scooter had another seizure on Wednesday and a 'twitchy' episode yesterday. He is now having another. I've given him some NutriDrops, a mixture of glucose and vitamins. I hope it brings him out of it. He has retreated to back of his 'cave' (an enormous box laid on its side, with a quilt and pillow inside for him).

The only way to prevent the seizures is regular food. But he won't eat. Same as yesterday, and Wednesday. He looks interested in the food you bring, sniffs it, then turns away. He isn't depressed; purring and putting his paw in your hand, letting you make a fuss of him. He's alert, too. It's confusing and painful that I can't stop the seizures. On a good day, when he is eating, he is his old self still.....

THANK YOU for all your advice and kind messages. I know that some of you revisited painful memories in order to write what you did. Your kindness is helping. I think I know some things sometimes but just need reminding, or to hear someone else say it.

I have found myself wondering whether his reluctance to eat is Scooter's way of saying that he has had enough. Then again, reluctance to eat is also a sign of the hypoglycaemia! So it could be wrong to interpret it like that.

I have sat and talked to him, telling him it is OK to let go if he is too tired of it all, that his sister, Figs and Fluffy, and his Mama cat, will all be waiting to show him to his next adventure. I told him we'll miss him but be ok, and that he will still be able to see us if he likes. He put his paw on my hand and purred. 

Last night he was out, inspecting the woodmice that live under the decking. I think he may want to hold on till he gets one ;)
We are here for him round the clock. Especially as a new behaviour has begun- suddenly, he is calling out in his sleep. I go to him and reassure him, then he settles down again. But it's such a tiny, plaintiff meow it breaks my heart to hear. I don't think he's in pain. I wonder if he wakes up with temporary blindness, as he eyes look opaque for a few minutes- a possibility of this condition..... poor Scoob. Or maybe it's bad dreams.

The more the symptoms add up, and the more often he won't eat, the more often the seizures come..... I am keeping a note of these things, and we'll just have to try to fathom when he's had enough, or when his quality of life has declined too much.

My emotions are on a yo-yo; one minute I am resigned to saying goodbye, then he gets better and I am elated. Then down I go again, then up. Mum is worried, but doesn't say much. She was hoping we would take her to a dog show today, but we can't go out, so she is disappointed. She gets bored, I know, and I know that this has been a diffcult summer for Luvbug too. But I can't be going on days out all the time wondering how he is here alone, and whether he is having another seizure, or calling out...
I've caught Luvbug in tears. 
 
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make Scooter all young again! No matter the strain, I feel I owe him my best, buckets of love, and every last chance.

***UPDATE***

The NutriDrops don't seem to have had any effect. He has remained lying on his pillow and recoils from contact. We're leaving him to sleep, and just wondering whether he is going to go into a seizure, or worse, a coma. The v-t doesn't work weekends. If this continues through the night, I'm afraid Scooter's adventures might close tomorrow...

***UPDATE***

I've just managed to tempt him to some raw chicken. He may be going to suprise us again. 

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Love, tea & cake,  

Helena