Retail therapy, time for sprawling, and Fluffy isn't very well......

A little break of sorts...

Mum has a had a few good days QUICK! TOUCH WOOD! and in fact, on Thursday, I didn't see her till 5.30pm. We had a couple of phone calls, no more. She wasn't all panicky like she has been. They had an 'afternoon tea' in the lounge at the sheltered housing complex, so she had somewhere to go in the afternoon. She said only 4 of them turned up but they had a chat, a giggle or three, tea and biscuits...

Of course, not knowing IF the phone will ring meant I couldn't go off out and forget all. But it WAS a nice break, an afternoon footering about. I can't even remember what I did with the time(!); laundry, I think, and making a fuss of the cats, watching tv and sprawling :)


Thanks.....

Thank you all again for your support and concern, and also for all the people who are helping in their own way, like sending good vibes, prayers, good thoughts...


Retail Therapy!

This photo is pure retail therapy.... "Animal" have a shop in Colchester and had a sale this month. This bag was half price, at £8. I loved it, so.... ahem. And the book is one from my wish list on Amazon. I use the wish list facility to save me money -LOL- as it means I can go window shopping there and plonk things onto the list rather than into the shopping basket :)

I didn't like the book quite as much as I had anticipated, as it didn't have as many different styles featured in it as the 1,000 quantity had promised. LOTS of a certain "avant garde" style, least that is what I call it- you know, VERY grungey collage with photographic heads poised on weird stuff and scruffy paint effects. I'm not saying it isn't artistic, I'm just bored of it.

I have lent the book to my Art Therapist, as some of the pages are so weird I felt it would be an Art Therapist's dream to wallow in a few hundred of them for a while. LOL!


Any advice for Fluffy???

Fluffy had a sniffly nose a month ago. Well, half a nose, as it is just her right nostril. Her right eye was watery too. The vet gave her a week of anitbiotics, and it cleared up in just a few days.
However, it came back :(

Last Monday we took her back to the vet and she gave her another 2 weeks' worth of the same. Half way through the course almost, and it isn't working. She is getting snotty. I didn't even know cats GOT snotty. I CERTAINLY didn't know cats got bogeys. I have been acting nursey-mummy and coming to her rescue with a tissue or warm, damp face cloth. She is starting to sleep under the bed, right in the middle, nose firmly out of reach.

Any advice? If you are a cat owner, have you come across this?
The vet said that if it doesn't clear up it could be something like a grass seed lodged up there somewhere, or at worst, a growth of some kind :( .........either way, at 17, I don't think I would like her sedated for an Xray..... gulp! I just hope hope hope that it clears up..... waaah!

No progress, but at least my head has stopped spinning...

I'm now a little clearer about things.....

With thanks to your emails, messages of support, & a trawl through the NHS website. Here's the situation:

There are drugs that can help Altzeimer's, but not Vascular Dementia. Mum does not have Altzeimer's. Least, no one has mentioned it. Some doctors do prescribe the drugs for Vasc. Dem. but if they do, it's against NICE guidelines. This is why, if we went private with a clinical psychologist, we wouldn't get NHS help with the cost of any drugs that were prescribed.

BUT, it is very unusual for mum to get Vasc. Dem. at 68. This is usually far too young to get it with no other underlying conditions. It is possible to have Vasc. Dem and Altzeimer's together. So maybe this is a possibility?

As to the efficacy of the drugs I have received conflicting reports, at the one end of the scale saying that they work only for 6 - 8 months (which is also what the neurologist said, actually) to other reports from people who have relatives who've been on them for years, in one case, 8 years.

For our next step, I think I need to write to the neurologist for clarification of the diagnosis, and to stress that if she thinks the drugs could be of use then we really need to get them as soon as possible. Maybe her caseload is so great she cannot keep tabs on what's happening on individual cases, and maybe she doesn't realise that there is a 10 month waiting list for this next step that she's sent mum on? I'll cc. the GP too, and if I don't hear back in 15 days, I'll write to our MP.

Phew.

OK not an interesting or uplifting blog post. Sorry. But thanks all, for helping me sort my head out. If I can just get some of it down as a to-do-list, it helps me cope. It stops me feeling so absolutely helpless.

Mum had a low day today. It's harder when she is down. I just want to make her smile.....

Unbelievable!

Last month they added mum to a waiting list for a clinical psycologist, but wouldn't give an estimate for how long the list was. Well we've managed to find out- 10 months.

10 MONTHS!!!!!

The clinical psycologist's dept. hasn't been in touch in all, oh no(!); we found out via the legal dept. at the hosptial. My brother is a solicitor, and knows someone there. Otherwise we'd still be waiting.

We've already enquired whether they would see someone privately -they won't- ok so at least we know people aren't pushing in- but so now we're not sure WHAT to do. Grab a Yellow Pages and look one up??????

Mum needs to get those pills PDQ, but can't without a clinical psycologist's say so. The neurologist wouldn't give them. In fact, we are meant to see the p.doc, THEN go BACK to the neurologist to get them, which will be after another 6 week wait on top, as appointments always are. At this rate it could be NEXT JULY before mum even STARTS on these drugs- and everything we've heard of them says that they do nothing for memory and cognition that's already lost, but they can stop more being lost. What the hell will be left by then???

I am trying to run fast and the whole system is ground to a halt! What do I do????????

I am going to write to the neurologist... or should I? Chase the GP? What would she be able to do? Oh I have been with mum all day, trying to keep smiling and up up up, but all the time I've been spitting feathers on the inside.......

....those of you who've been telling me of their own experiences, any ideas????

Ghost stories and shadows

I am nervous about typing this in case it tempts fate, but mum has had a few good days.

Even on good days, there will be moments when I am reminded that all is not well. Just as I am relaxed around her, something will happen or be said that makes me sit up.

Today, she talked about my aunt, who had had a flat next to hers in the 1960's. It was part of an old terrace townhouse, Victorian, or earlier. They both tell a tale of how it was haunted, how they would hear footsteps in the empty flat above, and how, after they had scattered flour over the floor up there, they went back and found two sets of footprints leading out of a cupboard and into the opposite wall. Side by side, an adult's and a child's.

"Oh yes, " I said, joining in the telling, "and now it's a hotel, isn't it? I know it. Near Star Hill. In Rochester. That's right." She has told me this bit herself many times, but today she remarks,
"Is it? A hotel? Well I never!"
We sipped our tea, sitting outside a little cafe, people watching.
Then she asked -and this was the moment-
"But.... if it's a hotel now, where does Pat live?"
Neither of them have lived there since the early 1960s, but in that moment, mum lost 50 years.

I've been given a name for it now, this thing. It's vascular dementia. I've found an online forum full of people going through it either themselves, or caring for someone who is. I haven't browsed it very much, it's too upsetting for now as everyone seems to be in advanced stages. It's like looking into our future and it's so scary. She will go downhill in large steps, in sudden deteriorations. I lie awake worrying and crying about when? and how much deterioration comes next? and how long do we have? how long before she's just a ghost of my mum?

I posted a question about whether I should tell her what it is. The "D" word.
As I had suspected, they advised not to, not if it would cause more upset.
So for mum it is "memory problems", a side effect of the TIA and the resulting epilepsy.
After all, the time I saw her crying over this was the time she asked me, "I'm not losing my mind, am I? I'm not, am I?"

No mum, don't worry. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. I'm determined that she'll think she's fine.

The cost of going out

Luvbug and I had a meal in London Friday night; his parents had stopped over en route from Ireland to Switzerland for a holiday.

We left mum around 5.30. I 'phoned her at 7.45. I tried to call again at 9, during our meal, but no answer. A few more tries, no answer. When we drove home we came via Mum's, to check she was ok.

I found her in bed, with two duvets wrapped round her. Remembering that a high temperature can bring on a fever, I gently pulled one away. She woke up. She was still half dressed under there. She was talking about birdies, or baddies, I couldn't quite make it out.

I'm not going into details more than that, but there was evidence in her home of confusion, including with her pills, despite the special container for them, which is divided into days and times of day. She couldn't remember if she had gone to bed early, or what she had done in the evening, but said that she had lost track of the time and the day. We stayed for a while to check she was going to be ok, but of course we couldn't really know. We just had to hope for the best, when we left her settled down again, and sneaked out at nearly 1am.

We had a disturbed, worried night, then I headed to her place in the morning, where she was tired and vague all day. I bought a thermometer recently so I can check her temperature if ever she is out of sorts, and this was ok.

She's continued to improve as the week has gone on, but we are left reeling, half stunned, that our first evening to ourselves since October caused, or at least resulted in, confusion and panic and upset on her part. It has left us with heavy hearts, I can't deny it.

:)

*** *** ***

Mum finally moved up to Colchester on 10th April. She is staying with us for a little while till the bungalow is straight- lots of boxes to unpack and a leak in the kitchen to fix.

Thought things were going smoothly, then she had another attack last Thursday, during which she fell over.....

She is upset, quite low, asking if she will ever be OK again, saying how she was OK this time last year....

I am trying to keep her "up" and just "being there" for her, helping.... then after she's gone to bed, I let it out through crying and take my back-up pills. My head feels full of dark fog. It might well be my head that is causing that smoggy cloud that's stopping the planes flying right now. I suspect it seeps out of my ears while I'm asleep.....yep. It isn't that volcano at all.

Cats taking it in their stride. Though I still have the bruises and scratches from the trip getting them here. Fluffy is fine. Scooter has developed a new meow, like the yap of a small dog. He sits at the window and chortles and yaps. He makes a grumpy noise like "Merph...pt." This is all because I won't let him out! Then the pair have a mad burst of energy, like the other night, about 3am, chasing each other round and round the coffee table.

They keep me awake much of the night and then sleep the day away. I have been tempted to go and poke them awake and say, "AHA! SEE? Not nice to be woken up, is it?" but of course I don't. Tempted though. Ha!

I am sleeping downstairs with them, trying to calm them, reassure them and keep them from waking mum up upstairs!!!! During the day, while off work, Luvbug has sat with mum while I've taken a nap for an hour or two.

It's hard. And the effect is building up. I am running out of steam.

Whether her attack last week was to do with the epilepsy or was another TIA, I don't know. Personally I think it looked exactly like the small TIA she had at the end of November, but now that epilepsy is on her file, I think anything like this will be written down to epilepsy. This is what the doc did last week. Yet is it? How do we know? I feel I am the only one asking the question. I wish someone else would take over fighting for her. I wonder if this is the sort of thing an Advocate from Age Concern does... because I can feel myself starting to wane.

NO!!! I simply won't allow it!

Mum had an appointment with at the hospital Monday, this time to do with her osteoporosis. She had an MRI in October and this was the first opportunity to review the results. We already knew there were fractures, but this was to see if surgery could help.....

Well I'm GLAD that mum is hard of hearing and forgets to switch her hearing aid to a different setting indoors. I'm GLAD that we waited over an hour and she was really tired when we got in there. And I'm GLAD that we only got 8 minutes given to us once we were in ....

WHY? Because the dumbass doctor talked about cancer, that's why. And there's no point hedging it, saying things like, "Don't lose any sleep over it." and, "My gut feeling is that it isn't, but..." because just MENTIONING the Big C to mum right now would set her into a tail spin.

What if she had gone alone? She'd have been escorted out of the room afterwards -with no counselling, no niceties, not so much as a leaflet.

So. What do we do now?

She is having anther MRI tomorrow. This one is to compare with the one she had in October. Doc wants to see if the wedge fracture has healed or "done more".

In the 6 month old scan, one vertebrae has squashed down flat, and squished out whatever it is that is normally inside. This stuff has only narrowly missed the spinal cord. 1mm over and she'd have lost the use of her legs. O M G!!!!!!!

Then, the doctor told me to make an appointment with him on the way out of the hospital for 2 weeks' time, for a follow-up consultation. I went to book it and was told he was booked up till June. Shouldn't he know this???

Hey ho. We have a moving date. April 1st! I'm not sure of the auspices of that ;) Good news, huh?!!!

So I told them about the move and they got all huffy like we were being sooooo inconvenient. After there was no chance of a follow-up appointment, the receptionist said she may as well cancel the MRI, too. OH NO I DON'T THINK SO!!! You leave that delete button alone, missy. If mum has the scan, at least all she'll be waiting for at the new place is the follow-up! I'm not letting something like an MRI get lost in the transfer!

As for the Big C...... not saying ANYTHING to mum. No, no no. NO.

I've played my best smiley, positive, optimist all week.
No need to say the rest.
Specially as I'm not even sure this guy knows what he's talking about. -When we walked in his room together, he asked which of us the appointment was for. Hmm, so you're really familiar with the file, then, doc? -Nope, not even enough to know which of us was the 68 year old underweight, unwell woman...

Luvbug rang and I poured out all.
"How are coping with it?" he asked :)
(I love Luvbug.)
"I'm not letting it in." I said, "It's in the outer level. -There's my brain in my head, and there is a waiting area outside of it." [a lot of my school maths got stuck there, never made it in.] "I'm not letting it in. It's too full in here. "

Not just my head, either. I'm simply not allowing cancer. She can't take that one. She CANNOT have it. No. She isn't strong enough. Not for that. No cancer here, move along, move along. You're not coming in. I won't let you. Sod off.

I simply will not entertain the idea, let alone the worry.

Mum's memory...

Mum is stronger. But still gets bad memory gaps.

We went into her neighbour's house the other day and, as we sat on the sofa waiting for tea(!) mum looked around admiringly and said, "Ooo. I don't think I've ever been in here before."

Um, but she has. Karen gave her a spare key and frequently calls mum if she is going to be late getting back, asking her to pop in her house and switch on the heating/lights/feed dog/let dog out. Oops.

Up to a point, once her memory is nudged, the original memories come flooding back. It's amazing to witness, actually. She goes from completely blank to "OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and you can almost hear a filing cabinet opening in her head and all these old photo's come tumbling out. She smiles and her eyes get bigger and suddenly, all the information is just there.

Other things, though, haven't come back. Yet. I hope "yet". As of today, no memory of going in Karen's house before. Hey ho.

As Jane suggested, I am not pushing memories or forcing them, and I'm certainly not saying things like, "Don't you remember?" or "You know!". And I've adopted a rule of only answering what mum asks. Don't add anything. If you do, she'll think she can't remember that either, and that will add stress.

Mouse for Mouse Swap

OK, here he is!!!!
Can you think of a name?
I think he might be an Alfie or an Albert.
How about Monty?
What do you think? :)

I didn't follow a pattern or anything, I just made him up as I went along. Originally, I was going to do him with long dangly legs. But I got tired of the needle-felting so did stumps instead. LOL!

Here are some more views:

HAD to give him a belly button!!!-

Toes!!!!-

I'll send him on to my partner in the Swap on Monday, as Mum wants to see him first.

*** *** *** *** ***

I'm back to mum's tomorrow.
Luvbug is staying there for the weekend too, but then he has work next week so we'll be apart again :(
-it is hard to be torn between two loved ones like this.

This evening we went to have another look around the bungalow that mum's buying. She can't quite picture the layout or size, so I took some photo's and filmed a walk through the rooms. The Estate Agent seems confident that things are moving along OK.

I do worry how mum will settle, in a new home, in a new area, new town, with only us known to her. She does have a few friends where she is now. I'm worrying about the uprooting, whether it will be too much, make her go downhill. Then, at other times, I feel a flood of confidence about it all and see nothing but blue skies ahead.

I need to find a middle ground, I think. I think the middle ground just takes a lot more work, a lot more energy, perhaps, which is why we all seem to fall into one extreme or the other......

*** *** *** *** ***

ANYWAY.... I am pleased with my mousie, which turned out so much better than I'd hoped. This is only my second needle-felted creature, the first being a blue Bear I made for someone in August 2008. I don't even know if I'm doing it right! Maybe you're meant to needle it more, make it stiffer, eliminate the fluffy bits? No idea! LOL! If you're an expert, do let me know! Meanwhile, I quite like this result...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Couldn't get hold of mum on the phone for over an hour. PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!
Action stations!

• Bag packed -check!
• Crafty stuff packed- not leaving it behind this time! -check!
• Email to family written and ready to send -check!
• Text message to Luvbug at work -check!
• OK one more try to get hold of her...

brrring brring.... brring brring....
"Hello?"
"MUM?????" -relief so heavy I nearly fall over.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her hearing aid battery had fallen out!
She hadn't heard the phone!!

Oh! My nerves! My nerves!
Arrrghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK off to start on a needle-felted mousie now.
My shaking will come in handy with the technique.

LOL!

Home and ok....touch wood!

Got home last night. Rang mum before she went to bed; ok.
Asked mum to ring me each morning once she's up; this morning, ok.
Rang her again lunchtime; ok, just going for a walk with a neighbour.

(Can you tell I'm not relaxing yet?)

Plan is to stay here these 5 days, then back to mum's for the weekend + week + following weekend, then back here... so 5 days here, 9 there, 5 here, 9 there, and so on.

If "anything happens" this time, we're going to take it as she can't be left on her own yet. What we do then, move her in or move me in there, well, we'll cross that bridge when and if we have to. Please keep things crossed for her. For us.

Now.... what was it I used to do around here??? :)

Another update, a snowy one!

Just a wee note as I've heard from people who are worried by my silence!
Fear not, as this has been caused by BT BEING A USELESS INTERNET PROVIDER....grrrrrrrr and not by any of us dropping off the planet or being snowed into it.

I am still at my mum's: she still can't remember falling or hitting anything.
I may be going home for next week, then doing one week there, one week here, etc. We'll see how it goes....

Meanwhile we've had tons of snow!

Scooter and Fluffy are spending most of their time indoors by the fire or on my bed, and the "stray" from up the road hangs out in the shed: in a large box of old clothes with a Winnie-The-Pooh hot water bottle refilled periodically :) he also gets food and water, of course. What he really wants is to come indoors and be a lapcat, but Fluffy goes bonkers when she sees him, and Scooter "bravely" hides behind something bigger than himself and makes a high pitch wailing sound.

Fluffy is so reluctant to go out, we caught her peeing on the carpet upstairs. I just caught her after the event. "WHAT the????" was answered with a chirrup as she ran top speed back downstairs, flicking her tail up at me.

Well, I've tried soap, hot water, sodium bicarb (reputed to remove any pong) and now I'm on to lavender scented dettol. Hopefully I can get rid of the ambient evidence before mum's buyer [of her house] next wants to pop in.

Maybe Fluff caught wind of the move plans and wants to mark her territory....

I don't want to get them used to a litter tray indoors as, if I go back home, this leaves more work for mum. So, whenever Fluffy has seemed reluctant to go out since and do what cats do, I've picked her up and carried her out to her pee-patch, snow or no snow. You wouldn't think a 16 yr old cat with arthritis could run very fast, would you? But after leaving a little patch of rising steam in the snow, Fluffy runs so fast up the path, one time she slipped and fell over.

I shall miss them when I do get home. I'm becoming accustomed to Fluffy cuddles on the sofa in the evening and Scooter smooches on my bed at night. (Their version: warming cold paws and backs and getting something soft to sit on.) Mum tells me I spoil them, but I think in reality they are spoiling me.

Take care! Hope to be able to visit your blogs soon- no time here in the library!

ps.........
mum's birthday tomorrow-
oh goody, more cake!!!

A wee update

Thanks for the messages of support :)

Mum is doing ok but the bruise on her face has got worse- she now has a black eye and the other eye is black all round the nose. The lump on her forehead is shrinking though. She still can't remember how she did this, but whilst in the kitchen, I noticed that when she opened a cupboard door it lined up exactly with the marks and lumps- so maybe she opened it then tripped into it? Could be...

I fell asleep this afternoon till early evening and when I woke up I discovered that she had cooked herself an omelette and remembered to have her pills :) this is a good sign. She has been so down as to be almost inert.

Her neighbour slipped on the ice the other day and has broken her wrist. She had an operation on it today but is staying at her mum's in Rochester. This may mean I need to stay longer as she is one who was keeping half an eye on mum!

More snow today, but it didn't settle much. It looks like tiny white marbles on the grass verges.

We filmed some starlings, swooping in to roost, the other day. I hope I can get it online for you to see.

It seems ages since I did any crafting! I am taking part in a mouse swap this month so I am starting to think about how to make a wee mousie. Being restricted, away from my craft supplies, might actually be helpful as I have to be more inventive. I'll take photo's as I go along, of course!

Bye for now,

Splitting in two

After a quiet Christmas with mum, we headed back home on Monday evening.

On Tuesday morning, I couldn't get her on the phone. So I rang her neighbour, Karen.

Karen found her dazed, with an enormous, bruised lump on her forehead. She couldn't remember how she got it. Still can't. She had similar symptoms to the mini-strokes; couldn't name people she should know, couldn't speak properly.... Luvbug and I swapped a few clean things into our still unpacked bags and headed back down to Kent....

We had planned to be home for just 3 days, then head back down for New Year. We're starting to feel tired out.

I didn't call an ambulance this time. I'm not sure if that was right, but my thinking was simply that, last time, all the hospital did was keep her overnight and keep her rested- which didn't exactly work as their noise kept her awake all night. I thought that so long as we got her in to see her doctor that same day, she would be as well off at home, resting, and not worrying about being in hospital again.

We did manage to get her to the doctor, who said that we'd probably done OK by her, but that if it happened again overnight to call an ambulance.

Once at the doc's I just caught a glimpse of a bruise on her tongue.... so I got the doctor to examine this. Good job it was spotted; he thinks she has had a seizure of some kind, and that maybe this caused her to fall or bump into something, hence the bruising on her head. He has upped her anti-seizure meds but they will take a week to take effect.

Today she is back to normal- no wrong words, so slurring. VERY fed up with having to up her meds.

We went shopping and took her for a drive. She is catching my cold, which is unfortunate as it is a rotten throaty one.

Luvbug returns to work next week and needs to do some preparation for the new job before he gets there. It seems then, that he'll be headed home by Saturday and I'm here for the long haul.

We are really worried that mum can't be left on her own now. She is getting upset too.

Mentally, it is starting to drain me. It's nearly two months now. I have renewed awe and respect and sympathy for full time, long term carers everywhere. How do they keep giving? My initial adrenaline-fuelled activity and brightness is being replaced by a strange inertia, a slowing down inside, a gasping for breath.

I was pleased yesterday when my elder brother actually came to visit. He has barely called to ask after her since the first attack- same can be said for my other two siblings. But whilst here I noticed he barely spoke to her really, talking across her instead.
When he did talk to her it was to talk about all his news, which she wasn't well enough to take on board, and not to ask about her, her worries, her plans, how was her Christmas, etc., or even just to sit quietly with her. I watched and felt, oh I don't know, annoyed? No, annoyed is too energetic. I was unsurprised and barely disappointed.

I want to be enthusiastic, happy, optimistic, able to love and help mum whilst not leaving Luvbug out. Instead I have been a wee bit snappy. The wrong time of the month arrived at the worst possible time, leaving me battling cold symptoms, stomach pain, sleep deprivation, impatience and worry all at the same time.

How do people do this? What if you have a child who's ill, a job to keep going to, your own stuff to worry about? How do you keep going without splitting yourself down the middle?

I'm home!

Goodness! Last night was the first time I've slept in my own bed since 1st November! It felt very odd!

Today I am forgetting how to use the phone and the tv remote control, as they are different from the ones at mum's house :) d'oh!

Mum is ok..... I hope she stays ok.... we are ringing each other a few times a day and I got a spare key cut for her neighbour- and left mum with strict instructions DO NOT LEAVE THE KEY IN THE LOCK!!!! -this was why we had to get the police to force entry when she was ill the first time.

Luvbug and I will be heading back to mum's at the end of this week. Maybe Thursday, maybe the weekend. Not sure yet. See how she does. It's the first time she's been alone since all this started.

Please keep everything crossed for her.

Last night I was in tears and Luvbug just held me tight while I blubbed. It all had to come out some time I suppose. All that stress and worry, all backed up for weeks ;)

I feel a little disorientated today. Now what was it I used to do with my day?.....

So far I have napped by the fire with a cup of tea, watched some tv that recorded in my absence, eaten porridge (smothered in cinnamon yum!) and done some laundry. Oh! And opened 11 doors on our Advent calendar. -Luvbug forgot about it after 3 days! LOL!

Now I'm off to call mum..... see how SHE'S doing on her own! I wonder if she feels as lost as me!

Still plodding on.....

OK here's another one for the list.... a lorry swiped Luvbug's car on Saturday!

I'm not joking! All is ok; the bumper just did its job, basically! Huge rip and it's hanging on by one side. Lots of scratches and a hole. We're trying to remember what used to be in the hole. Haha.Maybe it was a little 'Fiat' badge or something. Have to sneak up on another Fiat Punto and find out what little circular thing they have on their bumper.

Meanwhile, mum is doing ok. I've nipped in to the library to log on for a wee while and she is up the shops. We're meeting up in a mo for tea and a mince pie in a cafe. I'm not really into mince pies but I'm trying to fatten her up a bit and she won't eat unless I do, so.... :)

I am getting almost unbelievably fat. No bike here so my new excercise regime has gone to pot and all the extra food. I usually have a snack of a breakfast and then a meal with Luvbug in the evening. But I'm trying to get mum into Breakfat, Lunch, Snack, Dinner routine ( as per her dietician, whom she'll be seeing this Friday) and as she won't eat unless I eat, and won't cook unless I cook.... it means I am eating more than ever! I am looking forward to the new year, to mum being fit and well and living nearer us, and also to getting myself fit, too!

Luvbug brought some of my craft stuff down at the weekend, and I bought some basics at a shop here, so I managed to make a few Christmas cards last night. It was nice and relaxing. I refrained from glitter though. Best not get it into the carpets with mum selling up an' all....!

Hope to be in a position to visit your blogs soon. Please bear with me! The laptop worked on the internet last time I was at mum's, but this time it just doesn't want to play, so I am limited to a little time in the library instead. Et voila. I am surrounded by noisy Polish guys in here. I remembered enough Polish to ask them to be quiet. They replied with something I suspect I'd rather not translate even if I could.... Grrr.........

Better be off now. Have a mother to seek out and find, and fill with tea and mince pies :)

At last... progress (dare I say it?)

Mum is looking better. She had seemed drawn, with hollowing cheeks, but she has what seems to be the beginnings of a spark back now. The hollows are going, she is getting her cheeks back =) and she says that the strange "almost-numbness" that had remained on the side of her face that "drooped" during the stroke has now nearly gone.

The other day we walked to see a bungalow that's for sale, and then went to the park and fed squirrels, then walked into town for some shopping.
I felt so guilty!- I have been cycling into town on my new bike for months and had completely forgotten how far it is on foot! Poor mum! I kept finding benches for us to rest on. I was apologising for the rest of the day! Never mind. She didn't get any bad effects and loved meeting the squirrels. She does do a lot of walking at home, but there are no hills there..... She sure slept long and well that night!

The cats seemed to take it all in their stride in the end. Amazingly, neither of them are climbing the walls to get out! We put two litter trays in the conservatory and they have been fine with that. Scooter is reluctant to use them ("I'm a big boy I don't need a potty" type of thing, I think...) but gets round to it in the end =)

Scooter has even been playing! Yes, real playing- football, with rolled up pieces of shiny paper. I haven't seen him do that in years! He runs along, patting it from one front paw to the other, then he stops, wags his head from side to side, jumps up and pounces on it. You MUSTN'T laugh. If he sees you giggling he stops. I've joined in, "serving" him the ball though.

Fluffy is much, much more vocal than usual- and that' really saying something. But she is quite deaf so I think she just needs lots of reassurance sometimes.

Anyway... it has been decided that for now, the cats will return to Sheerness tomorrow with Mum....

She will miss them so much, and says that they help her "get through the day". We have been to and fro with talking about it, but then I realised, look, the whole idea was to make it easier for mum, and if it makes it harder then we don't do it. And if it upsets her and is one big change she can't have right now, then that's that. I had been mostly thinking of the physical side- getting up early for them, giving them their meds, etc. I hadn't given enough weight to the benefit of the routine that their demands deliver.

But now she's seen that the cats are fine, that they will be ok here, she has stopped worrying about uprooting them, and so the move is definitely on.

She loved the bungalow. It's in an "over 55's" complex. NOT "sheltered housing", just individual properties with a "warden" on site. Each property is linked up to an emergency system- if she is ill or has a fall, etc., she just presses a buzzer and help comes. We're only a mile or so up the road, but if we're away and she needs help, this will stop us -and her- worrying.

It's a lovely little place. Really suits her!

So the plan is falling into place....
she has a buyer for her place already, now we seem to have found the right place for her. The plan with the cats is to move them to our place about a month before the move. Once here, she'll be popping up to see them anyway!

This coming Tuesday it will be 4 weeks since the mini-stroke. I think back to that mad dash to her home, not knowing why she wasn't answering the phone, and to me sitting next to her tiny dozing body on the trolley-bed in A & E at 5am, her not knowing who I was. The memory of it frightens me more than the actual event did at the time. The wonder of adrenaline, I suppose. I haven't had time to draw breath yet. Monday will be my first day back in my "normal life". It will be strange.

Strange for her too, which is an understatement. -First time alone in 4 weeks. I offered to stay with her another week but she wants to see if she can go it alone. We've told her to call us if she feels she can't manage, or needs to rest, and I'll come over and stay again. All things well, she'll be fine on her own from Monday - Friday, and we'll be there again next weekend. Please keep all things crossed!

Bit of an update... & what would you do???

I'm still down in Kent, staying with mum. She definitely seems more like herself now, not low like last week, which is great. Luvbug came down for the weekend and we all went for a drive on Sunday, seeking out country lanes to show mum the last of the autumn colours. Then we stopped at a craft centre for a roast lunch and enormous desserts. I think it did her good!

This Sunday I'll be going back home- and we're bringing mum to stay with us in Essex for the week. Also, we're moving the cats up to our place. Mum will miss them, but they are so much work now they are 16 and needing daily meds.

All the time I've been here (Lor! This is my 3rd week here! Where did that go??!) I've been doing their morning feeds and pills as there was no way I was going to have her getting up early for them after what she's been through!!!! Besides, they're really my cats so why should she have to? (Although she usually does when we down for a weekend visit... I feel so bad about that now...)
In case you're wondering, when we first moved to Essex in 2003, we rented a flat for 6 months so I asked mum if she could foster the cats. Then when we got our own place and a garden I asked to take them back and she said "NO! Oh no! Not take them!"
"Um, okayyy... but as they are still technically mine I'll still get the food, vet, insurance, cos you shouldn't have to do that....." ..... so this is how she came to have my cats!

Anyway....
On the day she was coming home from the hospital I went out and bought her a memory-foam mattress topper and a new, big thick duvet for her bed (thank goodness for pre-Christmas sales!), so that she would be warm and cosy and sleep better. I didn't want the mogs to spoil that, so I told her, don't get up early! I'll take care of it!

The mog-med run starts about 6.30am, with Fluffy singing a song so loud that even though she can't bring herself to actually MOVE and come and get us, just sitting in the middle of the living room and yowing full belt has the same effect. And no amount of "Ssh, Fluffy, it's ok, I'll be there in a minute..." will have any effect whatsoever as she is so deaf she won't hear you. I doubt she even hears herself, which is why she keeps on and on and only uses the same two notes. But ahhh, bless her cheesy toes =)

We've only got one pet carrier and it's quite small. It's OK for quick drives to the vet and back, but not for 170+ miles. So I'm hiring a 'pet taxi'. There are two firms I'm looking at. One will charge £62 and the other £150. Am I mad???
Well, the £150 one will ensure they have large cages with access to food, water, bed and litter tray. The other firm can only offer water and I've had to email them to find out just how big their carriers are, as I suspect they might be rather small. I want to make the move as less frightening as possible for them, poor things. Also, if they arrive at our house after a smooth journey, they will settle down more quickly. A big worry though.

It's a lot of money for a 2 hour journey for moggies, but the cheapest I've seen large carriers for is £24, and I would need 2.... so the cheaper taxi is only £14 more. And we can't fit me, Luvbug, mum, 2 cat carriers, bags and my bike all in our little Fiat Punto..... Hmmm....

Mum will be with us till the following weekend. Really I want to keep an eye on her for as long as possible and continue trying to feed her up(!) and get her into a routine of eating. She did at first say, "No, I won't come up: I have to be able to do it on my own..." hmmm OK, but not yet! But instead of saying this I told her that her being there would help the cats settle and then she agreed =) but really I just want to be around her for as long as possible.
We went to her doc today to make sure he knew what had happened (no, the hospital hadn't been in touch) and he said that it could take weeks to get over a TIA. -So if she stays with us till the last weekend of the month that will be 4 weeks since the attack.....

I'm really not sure about the cat move at all. I feel sick thinking about it as they are old and are used to this territory of theirs. But I said to mum, if you can bear to part with them, maybe you should, as it is so much work for you and you need to look after yourself- concentrate on yourself for a while now.....once you've moved up near us you can see them all the time anyway, and if in six months time you haven't moved yet and you want them back, we can bring them back.... but for now, concentrate on yourself and stop having your sleep disturbed....

But then I remember all the stuff about pets being good for recovery and all that.... am I being cruel, blind and horrible???????

I have ummmed and errrd about it both ways so much today that I am now tied up in knots about it and really don't know what to do! AAAAARGH! What do you think??? Of course, I am currenty furiously and premenstrually hormonal and it's a miracle I can think at ALL let alone back and forth and all over again, so I may very possibly be fretting over absolutely nothing.

Or not.

Mum in hospital- had a mini stroke

Strange! Even as I was writing my last post, this had already happened....

I last spoke to her Monday. I couldn't get hold of her all Tuesday so I rang her neighbour. She couldn't get an answer at the door and there were no lights on so we drove down...
couldn't get in as my key didn't work- hers was in the lock the other side- VERY scary...
In the end we had to get the police out to force the door.
Seems she had slept from Monday night all through Tuesday- no sign she had been up at all.
At first her face was droopy, her lip bitten, her tongue bruised.
She didn't know who we were. She didn't know me.
She used all the wrong words, trying to speak but the words were wrong.
e.g. "waterfall" for glass and "macs" for policemen.
The ambulance took her in, I went with her, Luvbug followed in car....
I stayed with her till 11am, by which time she had seen 2 doc's and was on a ward.
All blood tests OK, x-rays OK, limb movement and reflexes ok, but doing a brain scan today.

They think it was a mini stroke, a "T I A".
Not as bad as a "real" stroke.
Usually full recovery.

Last night when we visited she was clearer, knew our names. She didn't use any wrong words and her face was back to normal. She has a temperature but other physical stuff is ok.
We took her some photo's of my brother's sons- her grandsons in other words- and she recognised them straight away and was chatting about them.
She asked after the cats, were they OK, etc..

She remembers the ambulance being outside the house but doesn't remember anything else about what happened. She also doesn't remember last weekend as my brother and the boys had visited and they had all had a nice time, but she doesn't remember. She remembered her neighbour's name and asked after her, but when I said a friend from her church had called, she didn't know who she was. SO there are still some patches but things are clearing....

Going to see her again from 6-8.30 tonight. My brother is visiting this afternoon.

Will update when I can.

Please keep everything crossed for her.
I know you'll all be wishing her well- thanks in advance for all your kind thoughts =)

Mum

Mum, a couple of weeks ago, posing with her very first handmade card =)

Please keep things crossed for my mum. She had an MRI recently, to get to the bottom of her backache and general aches and pains. It revealed 3 "wedge fractures" in her spine.

This Thursday she is having another scan, which they expect will confirm osteoporosis.
It has been a big shock to everyone...... I had assumed this was an 'elderly disease', though now that I have read up on it I am shocked to discover that even children can get it. All the same, it was a shock to read that it can even be fatal, especially if you get a hip fracture.

She has lost tons of weight this year. The pain has put her off eating a lot of the time. Till now the doc's have just prescribed things like codeine. If your patient had gone from 133lb to 98lb in less than a year, and from slightly cuddly to a stick, wouldn't you notice? Ask why? Run some ******* tests for ****'s sake????

I hope she can move closer to us so that I can help her with stuff, check she's eating ok, etc. At the moment we are 2 hours away from her. -Not very good if she has a fall.

Meanwhile she has found a buyer for her house, and we are bringing her up to Colchester this Friday to view a flat that might be suitable. She is very nervous about moving, though we do keep trying to reassure her it will all be well. She is a chronic worrier. I just want her to be ok.