Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Farewell, our sweet "gentle lad"...

23rd March 1993 
- 17th September 2012

Here is how it happened.
I write it for my own record,
and also for those strong enough.
But don't feel you have to read it.
It isn't horrible, just sad.

He went to join his sister about 3.40pm.
It was time. Only just. 
The night before, he had trotted in, and climbed up onto the windowsill behind  the sofa in just two clear leaps.
He slept there all night and I stayed with him.
He hugged my hands, and enjoyed 'chinny rubs'.
He stayed there till the afternoon, napping in sunshine.
Whilst there I still offered food, but it repelled him. I left water next to him but he didn't touch it. I put some water into his mouth with a little syringe; I knew dehydration would make him feel bad. I gave him enough to wet his mouth, I think, but he didn't want more. A teaspoon or two. 

(N.B. I remembered the vet saying some time ago, that if a pet is going to be put to sleep, it is best if their tummy is empty for a little while before, or else there is a chance the injection will make them sick and the process becomes difficult for them and longer drawn out. I wanted to mention this in case any one thinks I should have forced him to eat.)

He climbed halfway down, meowed, so I helped him down the last bit, about 2.30pm.
His back legs almost gave way entirely, he couldn't walk far.
He settled in the shade on the floor.
We offered a bed, a blanket, and mum offered her gilet, but he just wanted to lie down and be let be. He didn't want cuddles now, they made him feel worse. He wanted quiet and stillness. We talked gently to him now and then but tried not to disturb him. Disturbing him caused him to try to move, and he found it difficult now.

The vet came. He spoke gently and kindly to him. 
He gathered him up and examined his tummy and back legs, all the while telling him what a good, brave boy he was.

His conclusion; there was no constipation, no blockage that he could detect, and he didn't think a tumour was in the way. Nothing to explain why he wouldn't, couldn't eat or poo. He said that he thought that, finally, things were giving up inside. He had so much to fight-
hyperthyroidism, FIV, hypoglycaemia (prob. caused by pancreatic tumour), and then the bacterial infection on his face that wouldn't clear. He seemed to have no pain as the vet examined him, as he squeezed and examined his tummy, hips, etc. No yelps, no signs of discomfort. There was weakness, and he probably felt sick, but no pain.

I asked the vet to give him a sedative first, as I was worried that he wouldn't be able to find a vein for THE injection, thinking that Scooter would be dehydrated. He agreed.

So, I held Scooby in my arms, his head on my shoulder, talked to him and stroked him, while the vet gave him a jab in the scruff of his neck. He jumped, as this one would have stung. (I forgot it would.) He wiggled so I lay him back down on the floor and stroked him and held his toes. I suddenly remebered Flat Mouse, and asked mum to get him. She found him just in time. I tucked Flat Mouse next to his toes, and talked to him, told him look, here he is, here's Flat Mouse. Now, you go bub-byes, it's ok. You'll be ok, and so will we. He sniffed Flat Mouse, just managed to lift a paw onto him, then fell asleep.

Mum and I stroked him and talked to him. After about five minutes, the vet gave him the other injection. Before it was completely in him, he was gone.

I turned to talk to the vet and when I turned back, mum had tucked a little blanket around him and had one hand on his back, and talked quietly to him.

Luvbug was home in half an hour. We left Scooter where he was for when he got home.

We all sat on the floor near to him and drank tea (or I had water) and we shared some funny memories through tears.

Luvbug and I have dug a place next to his sister, Figs, in the garden. We will put in the box containing the ashes of his other sister, Fluffy, and we will of course put in his mousies.

I have left the place overnight empty.
I have placed Scooter in a pillow-slip, then wrapped in his favourite blankie, then placed on a pillow, then slid him into his big cave-box in the conservatory. I have draped another blankie across the front of it and left a candle lit. 

It's my plan to bury him at first light, in the garden he loved so much, while the birds are singing..................

My darling, gentle, funny friend, I miss you, and will always remember your sweet ways, your loyalty and love. I'm sorry for all the medicines, and I'm sorry I couldn't help you any more. I'm sorry you were scared, and I know you didn't really want to go. But you didn't deserve to hurt, or not be able to do the things you wanted to do any more. I hope that you are somewhere now, I hope that you are free and well. I hope that if you can see me, that you understand I didn't want you to go. I meant no harm, Scooby. I just couldn't help you any more....................

**** *** **** *** **** ***


Lynda (Granny K) said...

Shedding tears for you all. Scooter was so very lucky to have such a wonderful, caring family. No words can ease the pain of your sorrow though, I know. xxx

Angel and Kirby said...

Helena, I cannot see the screen for the tears . Do not worry that you made the wrong decision. It was time, he was ready. You did all you could to make his last days comfortable and full of love.

He was a beautiful boy. We will miss hearing about him.

As Lynda said, there are no words to ease your pain. Remember we are here for you.

MorningAJ said...

Ther's nothing I can say that will make things any better. Just know that I'm thinking of you.
He was a lovely boy.

Kimbo said...

Goodnight Scooter x

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Welcome to my world dear Scooter...
You have been a good cat...
Beloved and known by many who will miss you...
You will never hurt again nor want for anything...
Come with me and we will watch the world below from my cloud...
See our humans cry because they love and miss us so...
We are lucky cats to have had such a life...
All will be well in time as it is a tonic...
{as told to Scooter by Miss Peach September 17, 2012}

Brian said...

I am so, so sorry to hear about sweet Scooter. We send you our best hugs and purrs.

Everycat said...

I know there's nothing we can say that will make things better right now, but know that we are thinking of you and sending love to you all.

Scooter will be with his sisters and will have many new friends now, he'll watch over you, his love will never die.

Farewell handsome boy Scooter, you were a very special cat

Oliver, Gerry, Mungo & The Ape xx

Di said...

I cried earlier too when I read this. More composed now so have hopped back to say that Scooter will be sadly missed but he's pain free and playing at Rainbow Bridge now.

RIP sweet little man.

Love and hugs, Di xxx

Eileen said...

Through my tears I send you all many hugs and much love. Scooter was so happy to share his life with you, and the love remains.

Hannah and Lucy said...

We are so sorry about Scooter but you gave him the wonderful gift of a peaceful passing surrounded by your love.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

Found art blog said...

Big squeaks and hugs.

Stardust said...

I'm so sad to read this when I finally manage to find time to look friends up. Totally sorry for your loss, Helena.. Nothing I say ease your pain but we join you missing Scooter.

Things are hard I know but please remember, he has been loved, and it's all that matters. You've made him happy like how he's brought you much joy. Thinking of you...

Beedeebabee said...

Oh Helena, I'm so very sorry. Reading this was so heartbreaking. Nothing I can write will bring you any comfort, I know, but remember that you, Luv Bug and your mom, were the best family he ever could have had. You gave him so much love and did everything you could have possibly done. You helped him pass only when he could no longer go on. I'm so, so sorry. Sending you a big hug and kisses up to heaven for Scooter as well. You need to rest a bit now, and try to settle yourself, as you've been through so much these past months...If I may, I'd like to send you something. When you can, email me your snail mail address. I'm snotfrog13@aol.com xoxo Paulette

The Island Cats said...

We are so sorry to hear about Scooter...we send you comforting purrs, headbutts and hugs to help ease the sadness you are feeling.

RIP, Scooter...you will be missed.

Wally, Ernie, Zoey and mom Sue

The Lee County Clowder said...

Gentle headbutttss to you all.

Sleep well, Scooter.

Dragonstar said...

Sleep well Scooter. You know you were loved, and now you've no more pain. Sunshine and rainbows for you, dear Scooter.

The Tower Hill Mob said...

We mourn with you. Try not to cry- your beloved boy is no longer in pain. He is with his friends and we who remain will cherish his memory.
Kate and Cupcake

SuziQCat said...

RIP sweet Scooter...you will never be forgotten.

Ikaika said...

Helena, I am so very sorry and send you warm, healing light to ease the pain of your loss. 'Kaika and the rest of the kitties send gentle purrs and headbumps.

Run free at the Bridge, lovely Scooter ...

'Kaika's mom

ABBY said...

I read your kind comment on my blog last night before I went to bed near midnight my time. I came and read your post and I just wept. You are in my prayers and I wish I could give you a hug.
Scooter was a brave sweet gentle fella and he will be greatly missed. You gave him such a wonderful life and filled it with love and compassion. He gave as much in return to you. His soul is still with you and I believe will watch over you.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan." ~Irving Townsend.


3 kats and a kwiltr said...

Sending purrs and snuggles at this difficult time. We all hope that your memories will help soften the edges of that Scooter-shaped hole in your heart.
Kitty kisses,
Taz, Runt, Charles and mommy, Anna, in Illinois

Tillie and Georgia said...

We are sending comforting purrs and gentle headbutts on this sad daywhen you say goodbye to your beloved Scooter.

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
and pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this--the last battle--can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer, so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me til the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close--we two--these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
~Author Unknown~

Purrs Tillie and Georgia,
Tiger,Treasure,JJ and Julie

Madi and Mom said...

Helena we came from Abby, Manx Mews, to offer our purrs and hugs at the passing of Scooter...he was a most handsome house panther.
Hugs Madi and Mom

Alexander Mackenzie Bear said...

Sending you fisti-paws around fingers and tummy puf-pufs...

Jerry and Ben said...

Sorry to hear about Scooter! We're sending you all extra big bear hugs!

Cheysuli and gemini said...

We are very sorry to hear about Scooter.

Katie Isabella said...

It breaks my heart in two. I know this exquisite pain. I send hugs and my sincere condolences.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

It is never easy to say good-bye. We are teary-eyed for your loss and your pain. {{{hugs}}}, purrs and pawhugs.

Noir the Texas Tabby said...

Helena: My eyes leak, as I look at my human Tommy. Her eyes are flooded. Beautiful words for a beautiful boy. Scooter knows how much you love him--and you're right, he didn't want to go--yet, he knew. Just think, one night, when the house so so still--there will be a familiar purr. Scooter will tell you he is fine.

Psalms 50:15

Meg & Quill said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Purrs to you.

Sweet Purrfections said...

We are so sorry that it was Scooter's time to cross over the Bridge. He has joined many famous kitties at the bridge, including our dear Sweet Praline.

Mom Paula: my thoughts are with you. Reading your words brought back memories of that year ago when I helped Sweet Praline cross over.

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

came by again to leave you all a basket of love at this sad time...I know that things and places all over the house that should be filled seem so empty right now. They are not really because his tiny brave spirit is still with you and you will catch a glimpse of black in the dark shadows that moves along in a familiar way...then you will stop wondering and just know he is watching over you. I still see tufts of red out of the corner of my eye and have to stop and rub them...no I ma not dreaming.
Love you so much sweet girlfriend...

meowmeowmans said...

We are so sorry to hear about your sweet Scooter going to the Bridge. Thank you for loving him so very much. Purrs, prayers and hugs to you at this difficult and sad time.

Oui Oui said...

We are so sorry you had to let Scooter go, but we hope you are comforted by knowing he had the best present anyone could have given him - your love. So many animals never know what that it. We are purring for Scooter's loved ones left behind.

George The Duck and the HotMBC Kittehs said...

We're so sad to hear Scooter had to go. Farewell Scooter. We're sending your lots of purrs and ducky hugs for your sads.

Helena said...

♥♥♥Just wanted to nip in and say "THANK YOU" everyone.... I AM reading and re-reading these, as is Luvbug, and we are warmed and so grateful for your kindness....♥♥♥

Old Kitty said...

Oh Scooter! :-( We are so so sorry to read this - but we know he was loved and had a great life and is now running free with all his angel friends at the Bridge. Take care

mrsnesbitt said...

Oh Helena - sending you HUGS right now - though feeling so inadequate. Scooter asleep ans in no more pain xxxx

Cheri said...

It is so hard to let them go but he is with you now always in your heart and as your guardian angel. Sweet dreams Scooter.

cats of wildcat woods

Hammie Hamster said...

Bye bye,
Very big hug,

From us

For you...

Hammie, G.

CATachresis said...

I came over from Abby’s blog as she told us of the loss of your sweet boy Scooter! There are no words, just heartfelt sorrow for you!

hugs and purrs
Caro and Austin from CATachresis xox

Tina T-P said...

We have all been in your shoes - please know that you did the best by your little fellow and kept him safe his whole long life. I'm sorry for your loss. Tina (friend of Miss Peach)

~*Connie*~ said...

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.

Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie said...

We are so very sorry to read that Scooter has made the journey to the Rainbow Bridge.
We send you gentle Terrier licks and will look for Scooter's special star in the sky.

Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie

Samantha, Clementine and Maverick said...

Lots of purrrs and prayers for the loss of Scooter!!
Your TX furiends,

Feronia said...

Dear Helena, I am so sad to hear of Scooter's passing. This is such a beautiful post you've written here - you cared so well and so deeply for that sweet furry boy. I'm sure he knew so well how much he was loved. He is in a lovely place now, racing about, stopping for a snooze in the sunshine - and keeping an eye on his Mum. Big love and hugs to you xx

Diamond said...

It was right to go then.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry to hear about Scooter leaving for the Bridge. You wrote beautifully about his passing and I am glad he went surrounded by love. (I still regret not being able to be with my Fat Eric when he died). Scooter was such a handsome cat and so lucky to have had a wonderful long life and to be cherished.

Ginger Jasper said...

I somehow lost you from my blogroll. I didnt know cooter had gone to the bridge. I am so sorry and send hugs, purrs and love.. Carol and GJ xx