Thank you, Karla, (Miss Peach's momma) for this lovely tribute. I love to think of him free and happy like this.
********************************Everyone says I did a kind thing, but I am raw inside from the thought that he was a little scared at the last, and that maybe he thought, why are you doing this, mum? what did I do wrong?
Again now I am in tears,.
Only time will stop the raging thoughts that I let him down.
It might never take away the loss, the space left or the missing him, but I hope at least in time I can feel assured that he didn't think I was hurting him or wanting him to go.
I miss him so, so much. I have slept downstairs to be near him in case he needed me these last 5 months and still can't sleep upstairs till at least 5am..... I hear things and wonder if it is him, or am I just hallucinating, as I do when I am stressed....
Figs, Fluffy and Scooter lie side by side in the garden now, and I have bought windproof candle holders for them, and so each night there are 3 lights in my garden, one for each cat.... the brother and 2 sisters..... I cannot bear to think of him in such cold, cold soil. Kevin says, he isn't there, it isn't him.... but it won't go in. It's in my head, but not my heart. Only fear of descending into complete and utter madness stops me from tearing away at the soil to reach him...........I used to talk to him about everything...........now all I can say to my beloved Scooby is to ask him to forgive me...... I feel he is lost and confused somewhere..