Preparing for Goodbye***UPDATED***

***Please scroll to the end for update***

Although Scooter has beaten the odds in so many ways, living with Feline Aids and Hyperthyroidism for years, and still today his liver and kidneys work ok, and his coat is shiny.... yet he is losing the battle this time.


He had another seizure on Sunday, and a bad one yesterday morning. Yesterday's was different- for the first time his back legs thrashed out and he cried out. I had always hoped that he wasn't aware of things during a seizure, but his crying told me that he did, and he was afraid.


He had mini seizures, tics and twitching throughout most of the day, and episodes of strange behaviour.


I rang and spoke to a vet, not my normal one. He offered to come to the house. I was SO grateful. I have become so used to vets not doing this I wasn't even going to ask.


Scooter's seizure had begun at 5.30am but the vet couldn't get to us till the afternoon. By that time Scooter was sound asleep. 


Scoot was so good, he put his head out of the box to see who it was and when the vet gave him injections he was fine with it. He was far more interested in watching him, and trying to investigate what was in his bag.


The vet said that the other vet was probably right in thinking that the lump on Scooter's face (between the side of the nose and the eye) was a growth of some kind. BUT, he said, maybe it's an infection that's got blocked, unable to drain away? So he gave Scooter a three-day steroid jab to take down the swelling, and a long term anti biotic.


Today, the seizures have stopped. Not a twitch- so far.


BUT.........


his back legs are so, so weak. He can't climb onto his favourite cushion, or step into the litter tray, or manage the little step into the next room. He walks only slowly, thoughtfully, with haunches down.


I put newspapers on the floor and put the litter on that, but he still has his pride. Rather than use it he walked, painfully slowly, to his poo patch at the end of the garden, for a wee. When he got back he flacked out and slept for a little while. 
(If you're saying "Cruel woman! Why didn't you carry him?", don't! He hates being picked up and previously I've found it can even bring on a seizure to be carried.)


He cries  :(
He doesn't understand why his back legs aren't following his front ones. 
Then out of the blue he hauled himself up onto a chair! I think he was showing me that he could. But he couldn't get down, as the back steering didn't work, so I had to gently lift his rear end down.


He also hasn't had a poo- maybe muscle weakness 'below the waist' is the reason for this too. Poor thing may be bursting, but can't push?


His legs weren't like this yesterday.
Last evening he was slow, but managed to walk ok. He walked round the garden with me and Luvbug.


We've all been upset and not sure when to 'call time'.
I told myself this this morning-  is he better than he was 24 hours ago? I suppose so. He isn't fitting and thrashing, and he is eating and drinking ok.


I have seen video's of cats after a stroke and they are weak and wobbly in the back legs. I wonder if it comes back ok.


I think we need to see if it's a case of aftershock from the last few days, and see if his legs come back.


If he stays the same as he is now, or gets worse, then I think it might be kinder to let him go now. 


I hope I'm not saying that because I'm so tired. Maybe I just want it to be over? Surely not. I keep asking myself, when? When will I know when? I was thinking this and Scooter put both front paws on my hand.

This morning at 5am he and I were in the garden and I 'saw' his sister Figs, the big black and white cat with soft fur and chortly purrs. She died in 2005. Just for a couple of seconds she sat on the decking at looked at us. Either she has come to help him, or to collect him. Or else I am just far more sleep deprived than even I think I am.

Luvbug has been in tears. He has never had a cat before.

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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT, AND FOR SENDING YOUR-

• PRAYERS
• PURRRAYERS
• GOOD VIBES
• LOVING THOUGHTS

I THINK THEY HAVE HELPED.


He is sleeping curled up, whereas he had been sleeping flat out, straight, like a stiff board.
He is walking more confidently, though still VERY slowly and methodically- he isn't on his wrists and haunches *quite so much*.
He managed a poo!!!
He is eating and drinking fine.
He is purring and enjoying a scrunch round the neck.
He is able to get on his cushion.
He walked to his patch in the garden and back.

however-
he is still sticking to his box,
sleeping most of the time,
been out of his box just once today......... but then, he has been through so much this week....poor wee thing, it has drained him....


I am too scared to draw breath, as deep down I know this is borrowed time and when we wake up tomorrow he could be near The Bridge again, and I know he can have a seizure without warning any time, and I know that after all the bad ones he had this week, he will be getting 'ripples', aftershocks from them....
BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE RETURN, HOWEVER TEMPORARY, OF PURR-FILLED, LUCID TIME WITH HIM :) HE REALLY IS A MIRACLE CAT, AND THE BRAVEST OF ALL............

Please keep things crossed for him, I have a gut feeling this is a gift, not long term, and I daren't look ahead...............will keep this updated........

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Love, tea & cake,  
Helena