Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Shhhh....what was that??

Thank you all for the lovely birthday messages and Ecards !!  :)

In the end we stayed in and ordered a Thai takeaway. It was quite good and came with a free bottle of wine. It was nice treat.
Back on a diet now. My brother's wedding is on 10th December. I don't want to be the fattest relative in the photo ;)

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Haven't been taking my back-up pills for a few weeks now. Feeling I can cope fine without them, but I may need to take them for a while for another reason- I'm hearing stuff again.

What I'm hearing is fairly ordinary stuff. In a way this makes it more difficult- if you're hearing weirdy spooky voices and whispers or lions roaring under your bed, you can just tell yourself 'No way was that real!' and tell it to shut the F*** up. But it isn't that easy if what you're hearing is cats meowing- when Scooter is fast asleep; or Luvbug coming home from work in the middle of the day, like I heard him do today, except when I went to greet him he wasn't there.

Over the last week I have heard cats coming in and out of the catflap while Scoot is asleep next to me (we've checked; no strays coming in). I've heard a cat meowing downstairs while I've been upstairs in the bath, but Scooter is asleep down there and Luvbug is with him.  I've heard chairs being moved, dragged across the kitchen floor, yet they remain in their original spot. I've heard the oven on, then gone to investigate, thinking that I must have forgotten I was cooking something... but no, when I get there the noise of the fan stops. I've heard kitchen utensils moving and cupboards being closed, and invisible mail noisily comes through the letterbox.

It's all normal stuff so I have to go and investigate, make sure. If it were ghouls I could just tell them they don't exist, and so f*** outta here will ya, and all from the comfort of my chair or bed! Trust me to get the hallucinations that make 'sense'. Bleagh.

Getting on my nerves now, like a noisy neighbour. So, I took one of my back-up little blue pills tonight.

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Everything else is fine-
Scooter's great, Mum's doing better than in ages, and Luvbug may have work booked right up to the end of term :)   -funny how bad things come all at once, and then you seem to get a break everywhere at the same time too!

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I'm trying to design a lino cut to make my Christmas cards from this year. Coming up with the design is harder than I ever imagined it would be! If I have your address you'll be on the list to get one um, eventually! If you've moved since last Xmas let me know your new address!
-Are any of you out there getting organised card-wise?


Angel and Kirby said...

THe ordinary sounds you are hearing are worse than the extraordinary ones! I worked nights for 10 years and slept in the day when the kids were in school. I would wake up thinking some one was in the house, I heard doors open , that kind of things. I started hunting a daytime job quickly. Nightmares in broad daylight are more scary than at night! I wish I know how to make your sounds go away

mrsnesbitt said...

card wise - yes but very basic and simple. If all else fails I print up my snow scene pics from last year hun xxxx


Di said...

Scary Helena. You described it so well too. Don't panic over Christmas cards - go for something simple and if you can't make 'em don't feel it's a failure to buy some! Love, Di xx

Anonymous said...

Utility sink faucets can do more than what ordinary kitchen and when it comes to heavy-duty tasks which are usually made from high-grade steel, can withstand long hours of constant water temperature and water pressure variations.

Found art blog said...

I have some small lino cuts that I've done - snowflake, tree, King's Crown (hat)..... simple but they work. With a bit of glue and glitter, they could be jazzed up a bit too.
Or A Bear wearing a bow tie would be good.

Julie said...

Christams? What's Christmas? I definitely haven't started yet and any cards sent will be commercial ones. Terrible copout for an artist I know but I know I won't find the time to make my own.

I have ben known to see and hear things that aren't there when I'm under stress and you have definitely been under stress lately dear friend. I tend to see 'people' go past the window or behind me,'out of the corner of my eye' and misinterpret noises in the house, like the sounds of the boiler. It must be very distressing for you just now. Can the doctor help?

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

I think a good Crismoss card wud hav a nice snowy Bear on it.

Feronia said...

I'm with Julie - Christmas, what's Christmas? I haven't done a jot on it as yet! I agree too that perhaps stress can go part of the way to explaining your hearing things. I too 'have my antenna up' when I am very stressed and I am hyper-vigilant, hearing and sensing things that aren't there. It's very unsettling. Take it easy and take care, Helena x

Sandi McBride said...

Helena, you're going to do fine...in all aspects...and we all hear things from time to time that we know we should be able to explain but can't...try not to stress over them! As for cards, we'll just trust you on that one!

Lynda (Granny K) said...

Belated birthday greetings Helena! xx

Dragonstar said...

I missed your birthday :(

I do hope your blue pill worked. It would be so much easier for you if you heard ignorable sounds, but that's not the way stress works.

Christmas? Thanks to my fall it didn't happen last year. Do you think I can make it a habit? Lack of Christmas I mean, not the fall!