Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Scooter said hello.....

Cried my eyes out today: found three black whiskers. Haven't bawled like that for a while now. 

3 precious whiskers....

Spoke to an "Animal Communicator" a while back. (Confused, don't know what to believe any more, etc.) She said some things that she could have picked up from this blog (not accusing her, it's just my head needs all loopholes closed) but she also told me stuff "from Scooter" that I hadn't told anyone. Or things that only I and Luvbug knew, and things Scoot and I did together, things I called him (loads of nicknames!) and then a few predictions.... finding black whiskers was one. 

-A BLACK one, even though they had gone grey, "because he really didn't like it when they started to go grey" she said, and "you'll find them when you're not looking for them". I HAVE looked for them. But I wasn't looking for them today, and there they were, next to the sofa.... he passed in September; how many times have I vacuumed since then.... 

Then after I'd been crying for ages, I made tea and put the tv on. I got a new box of tissues out of the cupboard, and found the outer sheaf of one of his claws.  
outer sheaf of a claw
 
So sharp! She said he had been very proud of his long, sharp claws. A black cat with long, clean white claws, you see. I loved to watch him clean them. I've put it in the little box I keep snips of his hair in, a print of his paw, and now the whiskers..... 

paw print that I took the day he passed... 
I rested his paw onto an inkpad

 

Now... this one really blows my mind... I stared and stared and stared-

Last week I came across little patches of moist muddy prints, so fresh they still had water around them. This was at 5am, in a high traffic area (door to kitchen), at least 5 hours after Luvbug had gone to bed, and after I'd been half watching tv, snoozing on the sofa for ages. No other cats in the house: catflap is covered over. I stared, got right down on the floor next to them.... in the end I took a photo:

 wet, muddy pawprints


I wasn't wearing shoes, I was wearing big fluffy socks.... I really wracked my brain, and looked all round for an explanation. I couldn't find one...


I just took the photo's, thanked Scooter and smiled, then went to bed. After I settled down, I heard a few bumps in the kitchen, but I just smiled and went to sleep...

Precious boy. I love him so much, and I miss him so badly, like part of me has been ripped away.

I'm glad for these *tangible* parts of his presence. When I'm low, or when I get that aching lump in my chest that his photo often brings, I'll know that it isn't just my crazy head that says he's still around, because I have things to hold and look at. Hallucinations can't be photographed.

At the risk of people telling me I've totally lost it, I'm posting this here, hoping that it helps anyone else who's grieving at the moment.

animal communicator: Clare Metcalf; her website: Free Spirit Animal care

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Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

13 comments:

Emily said...

I think it's lovely, Helena - Scooter is still around, he's maintaining contact. He's saying "It's ok, Mum. I'm never going to be far away." I have no doubt that people and animals can communicate with us from beyond the grave. He loves you and he loves his home - so he's sticking around.
Love & Hugs,
Em xx

Helena said...

I hope he knows how much I loved and love him, and I hope I showed it.

Angel and Kirby said...

He is trying to help you by giving you sweet memories

Emily said...

I'm positive he knows how much you love/d him, Helena - why else would he be sticking around?
E x

Di said...

Yep, I do believe that Scooter is still around too. He's letting you know how much he loves you, and you him.

Take care my sweet girl, hugs, Di xx

Shrinky said...

Oh my goodness, wow!

I am so, so sorry to hear about Scooter, Helena, as you know I've not been around for a bit. (hugs) These events are simply jaw-dropping - AND you can back them up with solid, documented proof, too! Absolutely amazing, and I can only imagine the comfort it must be bringing to you. Chin up, dear lady - looks like Scooter is still looking out for you, eh?

fatmonica said...

How great to know Scooter's still around to comfort you when you need it.They do say cats pick up on these things.Sounds like a fabulous cat.

Mitch and Molly said...

We are so happy that Scooter is sending hello messages to you, Helena! That's VERY special!

Love ya lots,
Mitch and Molly

Roz said...

Helena... Both me and Justin heard our cat make her funny noise, her appreciative cross between a purr and a meow noise at feeding time she used to make, a couple of days after she died. It was nice. We both looked at the place on the floor the sound came from and looked at each other. I like to think she was just saying hello and telling us she knew what the time was and she was ok xx

Roz said...

Helena... Both me and Justin heard our cat make her funny noise, her appreciative cross between a purr and a meow noise at feeding time she used to make, a couple of days after she died. It was nice. We both looked at the place on the floor the sound came from and looked at each other. I like to think she was just saying hello and telling us she knew what the time was and she was ok xx

Helena said...

Thank you all for commenting, and for your continued support and understanding. Been feeling very alone and it's lovely to read your messages, your interpretations and own experiences.

xx

ABBY said...

Helena
I recently saw a medium on television here in the States use a necklace of a lost loved one(something they wore) and if the love one is nearby you can use it to ask them yes and no questions. yes would be signaled by the necklace making a big circle and No would be just swinging back and forth in a straight line. The TV show this was on showed it happening and how it was useful for this family to find documents they needed to close the estate. Just thought I would mention this to you because I do believe Scooter is right beside you each and every day.

Stardust said...

Oh you poor thing. Tender hugs..

It must be so hard for you all this while. I just read about your latest nightmare and thinking that it must be you missing Scooter too much and leaving you blue.

I can't talk you out of it I know. In a weird way, I am glad for you to have loved that way and mourn this much, it's all due to the joy and love he's given you. Scooter remains that special one in your heart and it's all that matters now.

It must have been Scooter's way of coming back and to tell you he knows how much he's been loved. And he cares to do that. :)

I'm so sorry about 'disappearing' and not being able to come as often as I want, mostly because of you know why, I can't really keep my blog decent anymore. That doesn't mean I like to miss out on anyone or just forget anybody. Been missing my friends a lot..

Anyway, I'll be back and hoping by when spring cheers things up and little and you'll find new joys, that's all I hope. Really, just to know you're smiling again. Be thinking of you.

Hugs again.