Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Friday, 18 January 2008


Sometimes you scribble down a poem, and it feels just right.
Then you lose it. Forget about it. You don't find it for years, and then, when you do, you think, "What on earth was that about?" Laugh, with embarrassment. Then throw it away.

Other times, when you come back to it, you think how it still applies, and therefore, perhaps, how little things, or the world, or you have changed.

I scribbled this one down in 1994.
I'm quite frightened to have noticed lately, that the overall sentiment is once again true.
Also angry, as I had been well for a few months, dammit........
I'm still fighting.



The things that brought me joy last week
today are just a chore.
I've mislaid their fascination
and am too tired to seek.
And I know that I am falling.

The love I felt not long ago
has been left out too long;
like butter in a room too warm,
there's not much left to show.
And I know that I am falling.

The things I used to dream about
are nowhere in my memory,
I cannot call for help for them;
no energy to shout.
And I know that I am falling.

I know too well what lies ahead,
I know this sepid pool;
the heaviness of my emptiness
will pin me to my bed-
Oh God, I am falling......


Chalkhills Collective said...

If I was closer I'd come over and give you a big hug. A virtual one isn't quite the same, but I'm sending one, here it is! Thinking of you.


Helena said...

Caught it!


Lynda (Granny K) said...

January is the pits and so is this weather! Hang in there, hun.
Big hug from Lynda (waiting impatiently for the spring and some warm sunshine)

Lynda (Granny K) said...

Forgot to say, it's 2 in the morning and i'm freezing in my dressing gown, with head wrapped in shawl to keep from shivering, glasses on end of nose, good job not got webcam on, look like 3rd witch in Macbeth.

Helena said...

THanks, Lynda, for making me smile, as always!

I'm cold too- no central heating! And I have a towel 'turbanned' on my head cos I just washed it.

Du du duuu du du du duuu du (Twilight Zone music).

self taught artist said...

wow your blog has totally changed...great pictures and good writing! good for you. i will have to visit more.
thanks for stopping by :)

Patrice said...

Fabulous poem. Absolutely throbs with the reality of depression.