Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Sunday, 3 March 2013

A Nightmare....

Pretty low yesterday evening. Then I got myself all wound up by going over and over something horrible that someone had said. Why do I give them the head-space?

 Anyway, I went to bed around 9pm. Not been sleeping much lately so needed to catch up. Plus, I had given up on the day.

I pretty much slept through to 6 this morning, other than a stir when Luvbug brought me my meds. But in the night I had an awful nightmare.

-I was calling out apparently, so Luvbug shook me awake and said "It's ok, it's ok..." In my dream he and I were sitting in the living room in the evening and he had put something on to cook for dinner. I thought I smelled something burning, so I asked him if the food was ok. "No it's fine," he said, "I'm timing it, it's ok."
But I heard crackling, too, so went out to the kitchen to check.
There, by the oven, was Luvbug, stirring the food. I thought, "HOW the??" and looked back into the living room, where he was still seated.
Convinced this must be a hallucination I called Luvbug out and he came and stood next to me. I pointed to the man by the oven and said, "Do you see him? Do you see him?" Then I remembered that the way to make a hallucination disappear is to prove to your own brain that it isn't there- by touching it. So I tried this. I held Luvbug's hand, and then reached out to the 'other Luvbug' by the oven. He leant towards me and took my hand! I started crying, panicking and screaming, "How do I know which is real which is unreal? I can touch both of you! How can I tell which of you is real??" and this is what I was shouting when Luvbug woke me.

I told Luvbug the dream and he hugged me and said it's ok...

As I settled down to sleep again, I heard a few steps on the stairs, then a little meow. I said, "That's Scooter. He's checking I'm ok..."
We both went "Awww.." and got back to sleep.

**** *** **** *** **** ***
Love, tea & cake,  
Helena

7 comments:

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Scooter and Fluffy will always be near you in the darkness...sorry about the nightmare...been having a few of my own of late...need more sleep and coffee and time wiht my new kitty Miss Hope...she is so adorable I want her near me all the time. Last night I let her sleep in my arms in bed for the first time...all went well...Bunny stayed at the foot of the bed and was quiet with her sleeping up with me...good girls!!!
Love you and I am so glad we are partners in AMCA this month!!! I covet your artwork girlfriend!

Di said...

Oh Helena, how frightening for you. Told you though, Scooter is still watching over you. Love and hugs, Di xx

Found art blog said...

Oh cripey...... glad Scooby came though.

Angel and Kirby said...

Nightmares or so frighting! I have had them all my life. When I worked night shift, I would dream that I had let some one in the house. I could see myself opening the front door, several times in the dream. I would wake up alone, but had to search the house to make sure it was just a dream!

CherryPie said...

These things happen to me all the time.

I have come to realise they are not something to be scared of. They are messages from loved ones.

Once I realised that, my strange dreams and occurances gave me comfort.

As I write this I am smiling at some of the memories :-)

Roz said...

I hate nightmares xx

You asked about the photo pockets on my blog. If you go on EBay and do a search for trading card pockets you'll find what you need. Ideal for atc storage x

Emily said...

That sounds really frightening, Helena. Like all dreams, it sounds to me like it's a subconscious expression of your fear of making sure reality and hallucination stay apart. Lovely that both Luvbug and Scooter were there to comfort you :)