Pretty low yesterday evening. Then I got myself all wound up by going over and over something horrible that someone had said. Why do I give them the head-space?
Anyway, I went to bed around 9pm. Not been sleeping much lately so needed to catch up. Plus, I had given up on the day.
I pretty much slept through to 6 this morning, other than a stir when Luvbug brought me my meds. But in the night I had an awful nightmare.
-I was calling out apparently, so Luvbug shook me awake and said "It's ok, it's ok..." In my dream he and I were sitting in the living room in the evening and he had put something on to cook for dinner. I thought I smelled something burning, so I asked him if the food was ok. "No it's fine," he said, "I'm timing it, it's ok."
But I heard crackling, too, so went out to the kitchen to check.
There, by the oven, was Luvbug, stirring the food. I thought, "HOW the??" and looked back into the living room, where he was still seated.
Convinced this must be a hallucination I called Luvbug out and he came and stood next to me. I pointed to the man by the oven and said, "Do you see him? Do you see him?" Then I remembered that the way to make a hallucination disappear is to prove to your own brain that it isn't there- by touching it. So I tried this. I held Luvbug's hand, and then reached out to the 'other Luvbug' by the oven. He leant towards me and took my hand! I started crying, panicking and screaming, "How do I know which is real which is unreal? I can touch both of you! How can I tell which of you is real??" and this is what I was shouting when Luvbug woke me.
I told Luvbug the dream and he hugged me and said it's ok...
As I settled down to sleep again, I heard a few steps on the stairs, then a little meow. I said, "That's Scooter. He's checking I'm ok..."
We both went "Awww.." and got back to sleep.