Hic !!!!

By far the very BEST thing about drinking just a little too much brandy is the warm toe effect. How much have I drunk? Em, let's just say I have exTREMEly warm toes.

:)

Hehehe....

well as I'm sitting here...er, sloping here... I thought I'd FINALLY load up pictures of some cards I produced in the summer. I was so busy I never got around to doing this...sorry!

Here is the card I made for Luvbug this year. His birthday was months ago but he still has this card on display!!!

Here is one I made for Jo, my friend from school. I love this stamped image; two wee girls killing time together, just like we used to!

Lastly, Luvbug's sister had a big birthday this year ( I shan't say how big) and this is the card we sent. Luvbug isn't a fan of decoupage. I find it soooo relaxing to do though, and so long as you fancy it up a wee bit it can still be artistic, IMHO. I did a crohet border on this one, which took a TINY crochet needle, so thin you could use it as a bookmark!!! Boy, I must have been feeling extra patient!:

Ah well Scooter has woken up for his midnight (ish) snack. I think I'll give him some of the pork we had left over from Sunday lunch. HE LOVES pork. But have you ever seen it as a flavour of cat food? -Never! This is quite worrying- first, it means they aren't providing a flavour that cats apparently love, and second, it may mean that the reason is cos they use EVERY part of the porker for US! Now THERE'S a sobering thought if ever I needed one!

Shhhh....what was that??

Thank you all for the lovely birthday messages and Ecards !!  :)

In the end we stayed in and ordered a Thai takeaway. It was quite good and came with a free bottle of wine. It was nice treat.
Back on a diet now. My brother's wedding is on 10th December. I don't want to be the fattest relative in the photo ;)

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Haven't been taking my back-up pills for a few weeks now. Feeling I can cope fine without them, but I may need to take them for a while for another reason- I'm hearing stuff again.

What I'm hearing is fairly ordinary stuff. In a way this makes it more difficult- if you're hearing weirdy spooky voices and whispers or lions roaring under your bed, you can just tell yourself 'No way was that real!' and tell it to shut the F*** up. But it isn't that easy if what you're hearing is cats meowing- when Scooter is fast asleep; or Luvbug coming home from work in the middle of the day, like I heard him do today, except when I went to greet him he wasn't there.

Over the last week I have heard cats coming in and out of the catflap while Scoot is asleep next to me (we've checked; no strays coming in). I've heard a cat meowing downstairs while I've been upstairs in the bath, but Scooter is asleep down there and Luvbug is with him.  I've heard chairs being moved, dragged across the kitchen floor, yet they remain in their original spot. I've heard the oven on, then gone to investigate, thinking that I must have forgotten I was cooking something... but no, when I get there the noise of the fan stops. I've heard kitchen utensils moving and cupboards being closed, and invisible mail noisily comes through the letterbox.

It's all normal stuff so I have to go and investigate, make sure. If it were ghouls I could just tell them they don't exist, and so f*** outta here will ya, and all from the comfort of my chair or bed! Trust me to get the hallucinations that make 'sense'. Bleagh.

Getting on my nerves now, like a noisy neighbour. So, I took one of my back-up little blue pills tonight.

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Everything else is fine-
Scooter's great, Mum's doing better than in ages, and Luvbug may have work booked right up to the end of term :)   -funny how bad things come all at once, and then you seem to get a break everywhere at the same time too!

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I'm trying to design a lino cut to make my Christmas cards from this year. Coming up with the design is harder than I ever imagined it would be! If I have your address you'll be on the list to get one um, eventually! If you've moved since last Xmas let me know your new address!

-Are any of you out there getting organised card-wise?

Birthday

It's extrememly hard to have a happy birthday when those around you are so intent on being bloody miserable and bad tempered.

Sod them!

I had a lovely E-card from Feronia that really cheered me!
I had a nice 'birthday lunch' with Caroline, an old school friend, in September.
Then I met up last month with Andrea and Beanie in London. We had a nice 'birthday lunch'  and went shopping at a great art shop.
My little nephews have sent me a funny card, which made me smile.....

I was going out for a meal with Luvbug tonight but I've told him not to bother booking anything. What's the point?

To be happy when all around you is misery and grump and criticism is very tiring. Stuff it. I'll have a long hot bath full of bubbles, a good book, and a sip of brandy. Then a nap on my own. And later, some time with Scooter. I didn't think he would still me with me today, I really didn't think he'd make it. He is my best birthday present of all and I love him.

Here he is this morning, helping me open some presents. He loves the sound of sitting on wrapping paper!

Horray for poo!

Scooter did a normal poo! Horrayyy!!!!!!!!!! Well done, Scoob! (lol)

Phew! OK to fight another day

Phew! Well the vet wasn't too panicked by Scooter's bloody poo. She said that it could be quite common for dogs and cats to have this if they have had a bad tummy upset, and he is really in the 'looks like coloured water' category lately, so that's a BIG upset. It might be that after so many kinds of medicine lately, he might have some ulceration inside :(

ALSO discovered that I might not have helped- as getting his tablets down him has been so difficult, I've been grinding them up and hiding them altogether in a bit of mushy food, then syringing this into his mouth. I just asked the vet if it was ok to give them altogether like this, and she said that there was one that I SHOULDN'T BE GRINDING UP at all. The one he has for his thyroid has a protective coating and needs to be digested slowly...... oh dear. I'm sorry, Scoob! He hadn't taken it for days and I was desperate to get it inside him. It's from that day that he's had the runny poos.

BAD MUMMY!!!

Yesterday we had another day of him not eating much. But he did enjoy more time in the sun. Me and Luvbug sneaked out to a charity book fair, where, after a few hours, we amassed 3 carrier bags' full of books. When we got back, Scooter was on a garden chair and when Luvbug went out to say hello, Scooter stepped up and put his front paws on the table and stretched up to greet him. Awww he really does love his lapdaddy!

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This weekend Mum has gone to my brother's. Insert cheer here. It was touch and go as he said he might not make it cos his car was in the garage again. He did have a hired car, so I didn't really get why he couldn't commit. Hmmm. Mum was disappointed and said, "It's a break for me, you see." I had to bite my tongue and try not to laugh- a break for HER?!!! LOL! Well at least I'm glad she sees it this way. I'd hate for her to think she's being dumped somewhere against her will and then sitting there missing us.

 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

More fish is on the hob for Scoob. He has had a nibble at his dry food today for the first time in over a week and a half. That's a good sign (touch wood now!)

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

This time last week I was on my way to London to meet Andrea of Found Art fame. I should have blogged about this sooner! I forgot my camera :(
We went to a huge art shop, where I bought some stuff to do lino cutting. I'd like my Xmas card this year to be a lino print. Then we had a lovely lunch and a ride on the top of a London bus, seeing lots of the famous places. Andrea gave me an early birthday present. She had gone all the way to Harrods to find them- genuine little macarroons from Paris. WOW! Thanks again for these, and for a great day, Andrea!

Ooo yum. Sorry the photo doesn't show them all, but as Mama Bear can testify, some choccies move faster than the speed of camera.

You can read more about our day at Beanie's blog here.

Thank you all, again, for your kind messages of support and care.

Crossing fingers...

Here I am again with another update on my furball.


He had a great day yesterday! He ate well, took his meds, and the snorting and cataarh seems to have almost gone completely- he has his normal purr back and even his normal sounding meow has returned.


We had to nip out in the afternoon to take Mum for a check up. I gave him a hot water bottle and left him dozing, but we all forgot that it would get dark by the time we were back, and forgot to leave a light on for him. Well, when we came in he sat up on his desk and meowed us a good telling off!


In the evening he jumped up to sit next to Luvbug lots of times, like he used to a while ago.


Last night I went to bed calm and happy for the first time in ages! I didn't feel it necessary to stay up with him or try to sleep on the sofa.


This morning, though, he suddenly looked very thin. He has always been a big fella. I remember one vet saying, as Scoot got out of his basket years ago, "Gosh, he's a big brute, isn't he?!" It is strange to see his tummy tuck well in behind his hips, to feel his spine and even a hint of rib when I stroke him. How can you lose weight so quickly?


He was haunched up for a while, and I guessed it was tummy ache- he has had runny poos since Sunday ::(   I have been checking them to make sure there is no blood in them, and today for the first time there was.


So, it's to the vet again at 3.20 today.....


The passing of blood like this is associated with liver damage. It would be cruelly ironic if the meds have started to work but at the expense of his liver.


On the other hand, after nearly a week of runny poos maybe he could have something like piles! Not sure what they'll do today, maybe a blood test? I even scooped a little of the poo into a plastic box for the vet. OMG there is poo in my fridge!!!!


Well since that, he has eaten again. He has had steamed white fish and water. He and I sat on a blanket in the sun for a while, too. He loves the sunshine so much. His black fur gets warm so quickly!


I'm trying to think pragmatically, and tell myself that he had a good day yesterday and a sunbathe today, and both these things are unexpected blessings, and I'm so glad he has had these.


He is back on his chair, sleeping off his fish, curled up with the occasional little snore ;)


Please keep things crossed for us all................ and thanks so much for all your lovely messages, which are so helpful..........

Updates

We've been so worried for Scooter as he hasn't been eating or drinking. Then yesterday he drank again, and took just a mouthful of food.


Today, he has had some special smelly mush from the vet (Hill's A/D)- about a quarter of the tin with his medicine hidden inside, and then Luvbug made him a fishy soup from tuna and warm water, which he lapped up. Scoot is now on 'his' chair, on top of a fluffy sheet and hot water bottle, sleeping it all off. He's quiet, no snorting, just the occasional snore :)


I took this just now-

I took these last night. He loves the fire but hasn't stretched out in front of it like this in a while;

 When he got too warm he came and lay near to me and let me just rest my hand on him:

Despite the weight he's lost, he's still a lovely big bear cub of a cat, isn't he?

So what did the vet say?


Basically we have two options-

1) send him to an animal hospital near Cambridge, about a 90 minute drive away.
There, they will be able to use MRI scans as well as xrays to see if he has anything untoward in the skull or neck, like a tumour or polyps. Whereas my own vet would be able to do xrays here in Colchester, he wouldn't be able to do any surgery like this; hence the long journey.


2)continue to treat the symptoms with anti-biotics, decongestant and painkillers, monitor things regularly and if it all gets too waring for Scooter, that is, if it seems to be wearing him out and making him depressed, we let him go...

If Scoot were 10 years younger I think I'd take him to the hospital and do whatever I could. But at 18 1/2, and having had 2 seizures that I know of, there is a risk he won't come out of the anaesthetic.


I could say goodbye, then hand him over for the trip to the hospital and hope that it isn't really goodbye. But then he gets to be stressed and scared, driven away with strangers, handled by strangers in strange rooms. If he doesn't come out of that alive, it's a horrible last few hours to have. Luvbug says Scooter looks for me if I'm out or even upstairs too long. And when I'm alone with him he looks for Luvbug and his Granny. So he might feel abandoned, scared and confused.


So, sadly, though I think it will be accepting an earlier end, we have opted for (2). I still get bouts of guity tears, thinking I'm not doing all I can though...


Now, every day is borrowed, and a blessing. We've all shed tears.
Just have to try not to think ahead. Just give him what he needs for now, this moment. Does his hot water bottle need refilling? Would he like a scrunch under the chin? Must try to think no further than this, and we'll get through the next week or two, more if we are very lucky.....


Thank all again for your messages here, emails and texts. It all helps me when I'm tying myself up in knots over things..........

Off to the vet's later..... doesn't look good....

Yesterday, Scooter was so sociable! He was going tap-tap-tap with his paw like he used to, tapping for attention or to tell us where exactly he'd like to be scrunched and tickled. When I hung out the washing, he had his head in the peg bag, investigating. Then he was pawing the washing and lying across my feet.


Later, he meowed through the open door, demanding someone come out and pay him due attention. I took a blanket out and stretched it on the grass in the sun. There, for nearly an hour, I was making a fuss of him, and he was stretching out on his side, purring and rolling over onto the back of his head.

Then he lay on the garden table. I sat with him, and he decided he wanted to be IN my cardigan the same time as me. He tugged at the fabric and then patted it down so he could sit on it. I was stuck for quite some time till I managed to get my arms out, making a little tent for us, at which point Luvbug took this photo of us.

Indoors, he jumped up onto the sofa next to Luvbug, something he used to do, but hasn't for ages. And in the evening he sat with mum.


He ate steamed white fish, wolfing it down and licking his chops, and took his medicine.


Now, what a difference a day makes...


This morning he is purring quietly. That snorting that had been a problem for weeks has gone. But he doesn't seem able to close his mouth, or maybe it is that he is breathing through it. One side of his nose is very runny, with gluey, blood-stained mucus. He won't eat or drink. And he has taken to sleeping in his litter tray, which he doesn't usually use; I have a clean one there 'just in case' for him, but he always prefers to go out to his patch in the garden. So strange that he is suddenly asleep in his tray.....


Vet appointment is 4.40pm. I just keep thinking how Fluffy took to sleeping in her tray near the end. And I can't tempt him to eat or drink.... I've got his medicine down him by grinding it down, adding it to some creamy food and squirting it into his mouth. It took him by surprise but then he sat there lipping his lips. I think he liked it in the end. It has helped a wee bit, maybe. But him being asleep in the tray is like a 'this is it' sign to me...... any thoughts from the cat people out there??


Meanwhile I have to pull myself together as I have an appointment with an ENT consultant myself this afternoon, about my hearing loss. It has taken months to get the appointment, otherwise I'd cancel it and stay with Scoot.

October sun

Here is Scooter in the last of the summer sun. I sneaked this first photo through the kitchen window:  

 

A little later, snuggled back down on his desk and blankies in the conservatory:

A sudden shower with the sun still out led to this rainbow appearing over our garden:

I hope it isn't 'rainbow bridge'.


Back to the vet next week. I've been reading about nasopharyngeal polyps in cats.
The symptoms seem to fit quite well, especially the chronic sneezing at the beginning, which Scooter was doing a few months ago. The idea of some growth in his throat fits too- the noise he is almost constantly making is like he is trying to clear his throat of something. And he snores, too.


I'll mention this article to the vet when we see him. But with his age, and seizures, who knows if he would come through surgery? It's knocked me sideways, all this, simply cos I never thought of him as an old cat! He's so big! Just today it's hit me that I need to think of him as a little old man, not my cheeky little boy.


Please keep things crossed for him.

Holding on

Still here.
Thank you for your kind comments.


I stayed on the sofa last night. Managed to sleep a couple of hours. Made a fuss of Scooter, whose sinus problem was having a noisy stage. When Kevin got up for work I gave Scooter his morning meds in a piece of raw pork, then kissed K 'have a nice day' and headed for bed.


A little more sleep, check-in with mum on phone at 9am, then downstairs to check on Scooter who was........ sitting outside in the sun!


I kept an eye on him out there, and as the sun moved round so I put down blankies farther and farther down the garden to catch the warm rays. Eventually the roof of the house made it impossible to keep up. Eventually he retreated to indoors again.


Mum was up not long after 1. She has managed to get a bus here on her own for about 2 weeks now which is at once amazing and terrifying.


I cooked salmon for everyone. Scooter had a belly full.


I haven't eaten much this week, but I enjoyed my salmon pie and chips.


Still low. Cry when I think of Scooter not getting better.


Meeting up with Beanie on Sunday. Nervy but optimistic. Don't think I'm the best company at the mo.


I am saddest of all to see the summer go, especially when I see Scooter clinging to the last warm rays. He loves to lie in the sun. If only he were going into summer with this illness, not winter.


I can't think very much. I am worn out.