Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Bit difficult, this...but does it matter?


Another writing assignment due in this Friday, and I am utterly stumped.

Truth is, I've been very low for a week, now.

I resisted for a long time, but in the end I've had to start taking my "supplementary pills". These are little blue ones I take on top of the antidepressants for "times of especial anxiety or disturbance". Not sure what they mean by "disturbance". Perhaps for when my neighbours put their noisy "music" on (God, I'm showing my age).

The reason I resisted is that they dumb your head down a bit. Push your thoughts into a lower gear. So that they stop spiralling, spinning, merging, bubbling. They don't exactly help you write.

Hey ho.

Found this in my email this morning. It's from a newsletter that tells me I can "unsubscribe" at any time. That's decent of them, since I've never heard of them. Think I get what it says though. Wonder if it will be helpful.........

BY THE BY: FORGET EASE
When something feels "difficult" or "hard," that is not a signal you should not proceed ... Instead of deciding a lack of ease is an indication of what you shouldn't do, next time you notice something feeling hard, stop. Tell yourself you don't know what this means. It may not mean anything more then you need to eat lunch or take a short break. Instead of interpretating, notice what "difficult" feels like as information at it's most basic level: perhaps you notice a sensation of heaviness or of sleepiness or even a vast rush of energy or an inability to sit still.

What if you simply noticed sensation without labeling anything--no feelings, no shoulds or shouldn'ts.

What if you stayed there, bringing your mind back to what you are experiencing without any filter.

What if?

5 comments:

Chewy said...

* Nose Hugs *

Helena said...

Thanks, Chewy. Think I'm in the downward bit of the zig-zag. Rats. Wonder how far before the climb goes up again....

Chalkhills Collective said...

Nose hugs from me too.

Victorya said...

((hugs)) Those zig-zags can kill. I got my little sleepy pill for 'difficult times'. Always worries me a bit to take one of them.

Hang in there!

Mousie/Paisible said...

since i've retired, get older and start blogging these little blue pills disapeared...time is a good healer, your time will come darling
much love from Mousie