A review of things, and a beary cook

Starting this blog was, I thought, a way to monitor how the ups and downs of bi-polar affect my creativity. And vice versa. If I am low, can I still draw? And if I can, do I draw better or worse when low or high?

I think the answer might be similar for both highs and lows- it is definitely more of an effort because, whether high or low, it is more difficult to concentrate. The outcome is different though- when high I need to pull back, create a bit less, as indulging in every whim my hyper brain wants to do just pushes me higher and higher. And 'high' does not mean happy, giggly, without-a-care, dance around and sing. 'High' can also mean shakes, racing thought, paranoia, hallucinations, palpitations and chronic fear. Not good!

When low, however, though it is an enormous effort to get the pencils out, it does help me if I can do it. It lifts me.

I suppose this means I have confirmed what I had wondered- that arty stuff lifts mood. It isn't always a good thing though!

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I have been low lately, which I think is quite a hormonal thing at the moment. But also, I seem to have a lot of worries at once; my mother's health, my cats' welfare, helping to get mum moved up to Essex so that we can all keep an eye on her.... the actual work of finding a place for her, and getting her old place fixed up so she can sell it, well it's just starting to hit home how much hard work this is. On paper it's all a great idea and exciting. In reality it's phone calls, planning, worry. Mum's memory isn't great these days, despite that she is only 67. So most evenings I am on the phone explaining stuff that I've explained 6 times before, whether it is to do with the cats' food, or how to write a cheque.

To turn to doodling seems an unimportant, frivilous pastime under the circumstances. But I steered myself into my craft room on the grounds that it is good for me. Must try to stop the downward spiral. Blogging is good too, as it is a way of keeping in touch with people 'out there'. I have to tell you, I feel so lonely sometimes. I was up last night in tears again. The slightest thing upsets me at the moment. Like I said- hormones! I wept at finding a dead woodmouse in the garden this morning. So tiny and helpless and perfect he seemed. The world seems cruel and horrible.

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Father's day is coming up, so I turned my attention to that.
My Dad was a Head Chef in the Royal Navy, so I thought a Beary cook would make him smile. The background 'cupcake' paper was free in a magazine. I wrote the greeting in the same fake snow stuff that I had used on Christmas cards last year. Still had a drop left. I wanted it to look like icing. I like the way it looks on the spoon, too! I coloured the Bear and all his accessories in water colour paint. I wrote Dad's initials on the apron.

Yeah, I reckon he will really like this one!