Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Friday, 7 May 2010

What day is it, again?

- it's something my mum asks quite a bit but I'm starting to lose track, myself, lately. NOW, when she asks me, I have to think back to a day when I DID know what day it was, and then count forward, hoping that by the time I've got there she hasn't yet moved on to the next question. If so, never mind; tuck it in somewhere easily retrievable for when when she next asks...

Mum has been spending nights alone at the bungalow for almost a week now. (Please, quick! Touch something wooden!)

I have been pleased and stunned, really impressed at how forward she has been in speaking to her new neighbours, and joining in with things like coffee mornings down there. But still early days, and for that reason, she spends most of her time with me. We go shopping. I draw maps to show her the layout of the main streets here. We go to tea shops for lunch, and hunt all over for shoes to fit my madly shaped feet or trousers to fit her 4ft 8inch frame (no luck, on either account.)

Meanwhile Fluffy has so far cost Luvbug £240 in vet bills due to a bladder infection which the vet thinks is down to stress. And no wonder. Scooter is frustrated at not being able to go outside and spends his spare energy running to and fro all over the house, chortling, and if Fluffy happens to "be in the way" in mid run, well too bad, he thinks. Just makes the inevitable crash more interesting.

I am back in my own bed at last but never for long; Fluffy being deaf, has no idea how loud her night-time calling is. She starts around 2am, calling upstairs. This one is just for a cuddle, but she won't settle on the bed, I have to come down to her. Fooled into thinking she is settled: by the purring, toes in the air, all smiles, I sneak back up to bed.
The second call will be about 3.15. This is a hungry one, where she can't remember where her dish is. I come downstairs and point it out to her. Stay for a cuddle. All settled. Off to bed I sneak, again
5am. This is the killer one. SOOOOO loud. This is the "Where am I? Where's mum? Am I still alive? What's happening?" one. I come downstairs, pick her up, cuddle her and snuggle down on the sofa together till she gets fed up and goes back to bed ok again. I remain on the sofa till Scooter dives on my head for breakfast.

Except today.
I took one of my emergency-crisis-only Lorazepam last night. I can take one to help me sleep. Ha. I took two in the end. It is 4pm now and I am still sleepily relaxed. The mogs are fed, the carpet hoovered, sort of, the washing is on the line (in the rain) and mum is getting a lift from Luvbug up to our place later. If I had sounded alive when she called this morning I think she'd be here now, or I'd have gone to her.... but no, couldn't keep the sleepiness out of my voice. This was My Head Is Collapsing Inwards Day. I've had banana sandwiches and tea. I wore pyjamas till an hour ago. I only woke up at all earlier when Scooter clawed my eye open in a desperate "Anyone in there?"

So. Luvbug and mum here by 5.15 ish. I guess they will want feeding. Or something. I've no idea what. I am so tired. Can I go home now? Oh no, wait, I AM home.

9 comments:

Angel and Kirby said...

Helena. it does a body good to just take two and rest. Even if you go feel sleepy and fuzzy headed the next day! I am glad your Mom is settling in, the kitties, too!

i beati said...

wonderful maybe she ha a new lease on life and has left the bad behind..cats like??

Feronia said...

Angel and Kirby are right, Helena. Sometimes it is good to just zone out and rest. So glad it sounds like your Mum is settling in.

Amy said...

All I can say is *hugs*, dear.

Stardust said...

Honey, there's so much details in your single day, even when you should be asleep. Here's my admiration, I'm touched by the enormous care that you give to every single entity. And still want to remind you again, that you'll find rest as possible as you can.

I sent something over like 2 weeks ago, not sure if it reached you. Well if it didn't, I'll go scratch the post office guy. Nothing much , I just hope that the parcel managed to put a smile on your face anyway. Hugs...

Getting my nails prepared.

Stardust said...

Got your message honey,thanks! and I'm glad - The post office guy is too good looking to get clawed on.;)

Angel and Kirby said...

Thank you so much for your words of comfort in our time of loss. It means a lot to have friends like you! Nan

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Oh sweet Helena...I feel like you do with Misses Peach yelling her fool kitty head off at all hours of the night! I think she has the C-Nile virus...poor old girl. She does seem to forget things and be rather demanding about being reminded where things are...
I am worried about Lorianna because she has been MIA for many weeks now...I love my special friends and worry so for them when their lives are in turmoil.
It pleases me to no end to know your momis finally close to you and getting along better each day in her new cozy cottage.
Please know that we always think about you with the sweetest thoughts...love Karla

i beati said...

Thrilled that she is relating to others...I keep forgetting to send..Grrr. sandy