Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Monday, 31 May 2010

Seizing your memories....

As always, thanks for all your messages of support :)

Mum is still in hospital but could be home tomorrow. They added lamotrigine to her anti-seizure meds and kept her in to make sure she had no bad reaction to it.

As to what happened, that's still a mystery. She had a temperature, and that caused a seizure in her sleep so that she didn't wake up. What caused the temperature, we don't know. An infection, they thought, but couldn't find one anywhere. They treated her with anti-biotics till the temperature came down. They chased the last hospital for their MRI results but they never sent them (she had an MRI on 25th March and we've never had the results). So they did a CT Scan which proved normal....

I found her Monday morning. She wasn't conscious for 24 hours after that, going in and out of sleep and delirium. She was all over the place or completely out of it. Nothing in between. Except for one moment, just one, when her eyes managed to fix on mine and she whispered, "I can't take this any more." I tried to talk to her, but she was gone again, unable to reach any more words, jabbering again, reeling again. It was heartbreaking. We left the hospital at midnight that day, the first day.


She has been coming back bit by bit again, but as with the other times, there are big memory gaps. She has no memory of her house move. I took her a photo of her bungalow, and this is starting to come back to her, but the move has gone. So too have all the names of her neighbours, the bus routes, the walks we took, the shops we explored. We have to start again as though she just moved here.......

The hospital is much better than the one she was in in Kent. Finally, she will be under a neurologist. I hope the follow-ups are good. We need to get this under control, as each time I lose a little bit more of her...... her cognitive skills are suffering.... every day, the same questions, no memory of their answers....

13 comments:

Angel and Kirby said...

Helena, I know this is so disheartening. It takes a lot out of you , too, every time she has a spell! I hope this hospital and new doctors will be able to get this under control. It breaks you heart to hear your Mom give up and be so tired, and ill! We are here for you and her.

CherryPie said...

It is so difficult to watch loved ones suffer my thoughts are with you. Sending you some love and *hugs* xx

Feronia said...

It is good news that you've found a better hospital, Helena. My thoughts are with you. Sending love, hugs and good vibes x

Stardust said...

It must be frustrating and weary going through everything without knowing why or how they happened. I'm just thankful that your mom's condition is stabilizing and the new hospital sounds hopeful. It's so easy to feel crushed by the difficulties, please be reminded that you've done the best you can.

And again, do take care of yourself too when giving your all to others. Tight hugs.

Julie said...

At last a hospital that is going to help you. I hope they can soon make sure your Mum is well. Sending you lots of love xxxxx

Chrissy said...

I am glad that the hospital experience is a better one but saddened at the traumatic experiences for all of you ~ Hugs Chrissy

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Dearest Helena...I think about you so much. I know the pain and sorrow of tending to an ill mother all too well. Take courage and soldier on...you must.
A sea of red poppies...I can imagine it. This evening Dennis and I watched "The Battle of Britian" We know the suffering London endured before the USA entered the war in 1941...we will never forget. Nov 11 is Armistice Day and Veterans Day...it is good to remember.
Remember we love and care about you...Karla & Misses Peach

Ginger Jasper said...

I am keeping you in my thoughts. Reading your blog brought back memories of my mum and nursing her. I can relate so much to how you are feeling. Keep strong, take a little comfort from knowing there are lots of people keeping you in their thoughts and prayers.. Hugs Carol and GJ xx

Dragonstar said...

Oh Helena, you must be hurting so much seeing your mother suffering. I'm glad this is a better hospital - maybe this time they'll be able to pin the problem down and help her to recover.
Hugs for you XX

i beati said...

Is she generally loving her new place or still confused?

Bodecea said...

So sorry for you, Helena. I send you a big portion of strength from here. Try to find some time for yourself. Running through woods is a good medicine!

Best
Bodecea

Lynda (Granny K) said...

So sorry you and your mum are having a bad time. You are in my thoughts and hoping for a good recovery. Take good care of yourself sweetheart.
Love, GrannyK

Found art blog said...

Oh crikey. Hope you're hanging in there and remembering to look after yourself as well. Big hugs.