Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Sunday, 1 August 2010

Familiar but strange...


The depression is strange. It seems to know that I just don't have room for it right now. It sits curled up, deep down, and only reaches to the outside rarely, mostly in bursts of tears that last hours, before all returns to normal. I'm grateful, as it means mum doesn't get to see me at my worst, or anything like it.

She isn't daft. She can tell when I'm tired or when something is irritating me, when I feel annoyed about something. But I haven't been depressed around her. I'm glad it keeps to its own compartment for now.

Looking at previous patterns, I know that there is only a matter of time before the lid of the compartment blows and the beast escapes.

What I don't know is how long I have left before that happens. So I have to contact outside help this week.

I've been advised to start with Age UK*, as apparently they can advise on help with care, meals-on-wheels, etc. I also need to get a back up plan in place in case I just can't organise things like her medication and going out. A regular break would help so much. One day, or one afternoon, even, a week, or fortnightly; time on my own or with Luvbug, but time when I can relax and not think that she is worrying where I am or getting confused and scared, which is what happens if I keep my appointment with Art Therapy every Tuesday. I've had to skip it twice recently, as I just couldn't get away.

As ever, thank you all so much for your supportive comments and emails. I'm sorry I don't reply to them individually.



*age UK is the name of the newly combined charities Age Concern and Help The Aged.

8 comments:

Angel and Kirby said...

All care givers need to have an backup plan and an escape. A day off, a movie, a craft fair, anything to get you out and away.

Feronia said...

It sounds like you are approaching the situation very constructively, Helena, and that's great. Put in place whatever measures you can and definitely try to get that free afternoon or day for yourself on to the schedule. I am having my own battles with depression at the moment, so if you feel like chatting, I'm only as far away as the email :)

Stardust said...

You're probably keeping it under for your mom's sake, let's hope that the 'beast' doesn't get loose.

Hope that Age UK is offering effective help. and that you can have some quality time for yourself. =) For the time being, take one thing at a time.

Julie said...

Good to hear that you are going to get come help with your Mum Helena. It's the healthy thing to do for yourself and your Mum.

I'm glad you mentioned Age UK as I have a friend who is not coping well and they could probably help her with meals which seems to be her main worry as she can't see well enough to prepare them.

Take care my dear xxxx

mrsnesbitt said...

The pictures sounds a good idea - you have no control over what is going on - just an escape for a couple of hours. Toy Story 3 is just out...any good? Also I use audio tapes from the mobile library - Radio 4 play for the day (2.15) is excellent!

Lynda (Granny K) said...

You are doing great, I think. Hope Age UK are able to help asap.

Helena said...

Thank you all, not just for these helpful comments, but for the helpful and supportive emails you've sent.

Found art blog said...

Oh well done!!! Not everyone is able to ask for help, so it's brilliant to read that you ARE!! Keep asking...... you need to look after you as well!!