I knew they weren't listening!

My Art Therapy came to an end this time last week, as my therapist is no longer going to travel in from Ipswich to work at the Colchester hospital. Blast. This is the one continual contact within the mental health system that I have had over the last 6 years.

The psychiatric service has been a joke. You get one half hour appointment every three months. You NEVER see your consultant, only one of his/her team of trainees and very rarely the same one twice. Most of the time they haven't had time to read your file, so much of the appointment id taken up with basic questions about your background and family situation. Then they'll say, so what can we do for you today? DUH.



But, useless as it mostly is, I need contact with this service as they are the ones who monitor my meds, change them, introduce new prescriptions, and, the thing I thought most important, note whether I am having the weird hallucinations that accompany the bipolar when I'm under any extra stress.

When my Art Therapy stopped last week, I asked my therapist if could enquire when my next p-doc appointment was, as I hadn't had one since the autumn. He did. He called me after I'd left and said, 'I'm very sorry, I had no idea, but they discharged you.' They hadn't even had the professional courtesy to tell him, let alone say anything to me.

Soon as I got home I rattled off an angry letter to the consultant about this, why was this done, why was it done so unprofessionally, and who was I to go to about meds and hallucinations if they had left me out here on my own?

Appointment with my GP this morning.
She didn't knew anything about it. Had a look back through my files. Oh yeah, she says, we got a letter in June saying they were going to discharge you because you hadn't attended a few appointments [for non attendance, read rebooked them, as they constantly gave me times I couldn't attend].

I then had one more appointment with them after this, during which they said to increase one med and come off another. Nothing was said to me about closing the file.

So here I am, with bi-polar II,
permanently on anti-depressants,
for the last 18 months on anti-anxiety pills,
and regulary taking anti-psychotics for the creepy, Hellish things I hear and experience when under stress,
the main carer of an elderly parent with vascular dementia,
no local support network, 
and my only regular help, art therapy has stopped,
and that's it, I'm discharged.

The GP showed me their letter about it. It even says I was suicidal in my last appointment. But hey, it notes that I dressed ok, was polite, made sense and seemed to have no personal hygiene problems, so I guess that means I'm ok. Maybe you need to be a smelly, drugged up alcoholic to get help.

REALLY glad I wrote that angry letter now.

No reply so far, which is no surprise. PALS is my next step, the Patient Advice & Liaison service. Big, big complaint coming their way.

Just as well I'm not suicidal any more, isn't it? Do you think, if my health problem was heart disease, I would have been discharged still with problems?

Snipe? Woodcock?

 photo from RSPB

These wading birds like to shuffle around in the undergrowth of slightly marshy land. It was therefore a bit of a shock to see one wandering across the road this evening, just round the corner from us, i.e. surrounded by houses and just yards from one of the main roads out of Colchester. WHAT the??? 

Luvbug had been driving back from dropping mum off home when he spotted it.
He came in and asked if we had a bigger box, somehting for a snipe. A SNIPE? What?

We do keep a box lined with shredded paper in the boot, for any injured wildlife we come across. In the past this has consisted mostly of confused hedgehogs. But he was right, it wasn't big enough for a snipe, so I dug out a bigger one and grabbed a towel, while he grabbed two torches and off we went....

We drove round the corner and looked up a few driveways. Luvbug couldn't quite remember which one he'd seen it heading towards. He'd been more concerned with shooing away a black cat who'd also come over to investigate this weird visitor to our neighbourhood. Luvbug spotted the bird crouching in some shrubs, so I rang the door bell to ask the residents if it was ok to fetch it out of their garden.

The man who lived there was surprised, and as I picked up the bird, he retreated into the house to get a torch. As I was folding the towel into the box, and getting ready to snuggle the bird into it, he came down the driveway for a look. He and Luvbug had a chat, and he was quite happy to hear that such a rare bird had chosen his garden to sneak into.

Tucked under the towel, we took said snipe to the emergency vet. They will take in any injured or sick wildlife overnight; they look after them till the day team come in, and then they call in someone from a rescue sanctuary to take over.

Well, from my very basic exam', and Luvbug's descriptions of how it was stumbling, we had thought that its left leg was injured. But the vet told us that it seemed to be neurological, as he was a bit weak all down that side. A stroke? He didn't think it was shock. We wondered if he'd flown into something and was concussed. The vet wasn't sure, so said he'd give it anti-biotics and keep it warm, but that if nothing improved he would have to put it to sleep. And we left him there...

Awwww after having held this bird and seen him up close, such a cute face, such soft feathers, and such a majestic beak, I was quite sad to hear that his prognosis wasn't good. But at least it meant he wouldn't die in the cold in that garden, or be attacked by a predator.

When we got home we looked up snipe in our bird books. And discovered that it had actually been a woodcock after all. It seemed somehow sadder to have left him mislabelled. Never mind. If he reached the rescue centre, I'm sure they'll know what he is :)

 photo from BTO site

The woodcock, despite it being legal still to hunt and eat in some places, has been placed on the 'amber' alert list by the RSPB. You can read about them on their RSPB page here, they also have a recording of the noise it makes there :)

BTW, here's the RSPB site's picture of a snipe. Can you see how we mixed them up?!

The clue is this- the stripes on a snipe's head go down vertically towards its back, and the stripes on a woodcock's head go horizontally across his head. AHA!

 

Misheard

Last night on News24 they said that our PM, Mr Cameron, was "currently at the White House, enjoying a State Dinner."

Ok.... so..wassup with that?
Well, I heard it as a steak dinner. LOL!

Now, this is what happens when I mishear something- my brain doesn't interrupt and say "Whoah! Wait! That doesn't make sense! Check again?" instead, it comes up with all sorts of pictures, thoughts and scenarios to make COMPLETE sense of whatever I've misheard.

So I was thinking, "Oh. They said what's on the menu. That's unusual." and "A 'steak dinner'? How very 'Fools and Horses'!" and eventually, "Why steak, anyway? Can't they afford lobster or something?"
This went on and on till the headlines came round again. THIS time they clearly ennuciated the word 'State'.
"Oh! STATE dinner! Oh right!"


 

52/4

These Wednesdays seem to come round awfully quickly.

GOODBYE TO ALL THAT

Robert Graves

I once caught one of them in the bathroom, scratching up a pair of hearts conjoined, with Dick's initials and mine above them. I pushed him into hte bath and turned the taps on.

I first read this about 20 years ages ago. I've read it several times, it's a great book. What has struck me today, as I took it down off the shelf, is how small the print is. I CAN read print this small, but have often, in recent years, put books back on the shelf in bookshops because of it. Not comfortable, you see. Ha! I don't know, it is just funny to have in my hand proof of a time when such things didn't bother me.

Signs of spring

WEDNESDAY: spotted a frog on my back doorstep.

I had stepped outside to put some peelings in the compost bin. When I turned round, there he was, sitting on the frame of the sliding doors. I must have stepped right over him. He looked like he was thinking about coming in. But then, Luvbug and Mum came to see what I had YELPed at, and he hopped away, behind the pile of flower pots.

THURSDAY: spotted a ladybird in Mum's front garden.

SATURDAY: Drove into town. We took a slightly longer route in order to find parking. Passed verges, roundabouts and slopes covered with daffodils.

SUNDAY MORNING: Spotted a Great Spotted Woodpecker in the laburnum in our front garden. Only ever seen one before at RSPB Minsmere reserve, Suffolk! He didn't stay long. I just happened to be looking out at the right moment.

Had to 'borrow' this photo as he didn't pose long enough :) but this is the type I mean-

 - spotted whilst making a fuss of Scooter, also birdwatching, stretched out on the windowsill. This photo is from a week or so ago, but you get the idea...

 
A little later, we saw two goldfinches in the same tree. Photo is from some time ago but these are the ones we get ;)

SUNDAY AFTERNOON: sat on a bench in the garden, in sun, with Scooter and kindle. Scooter grabbed most attention. Kindles are great, but don't purr. Mum and Luvbug indoors, watching rugby on TV. Dinner in oven. Ahhh. Quality time in the warm sun with my cat. Nothing like it!

It was a good day.

I declare that spring is springing!!!

NEXT.... Mother's Day next Sunday. What's the betting that my AWOL brother turns up, like he did on Mum's birthday? Fear not, my friends, for I have put in my request for a repeat prescription of diazepam.

And then, the following weekend............
THE CLOCKS GO FORWARD!!!!!!!!! HURRAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then......... two weeks from that... IT'S EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but whoahhhhhh there I'm getting carried away...

OMG this has to be the maddest book ever!

.... and yet... I want it! LOL!

Dies from Di! And tidying up at last....

My cry for die cut shapes has been generously met by Di, of Pixie's Crafty Workshop fame!
LOOK what arrived yesterday!!!
Oh wow!

(I am a little worried she may have hurt her wrist, die-cutting all these. I do hope not!!)

She also made me this lovely card, although Bob has now claimed it because it is all done in green, gold and white, the colours on his Irish nose. What with the friendly Bear and balloon, he says it clearly was made with him in mind:

THANKs SO MUCH, DI!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have popped something in the post to you! -Just a few odds and sods I found, whilst tidying up the craft room.

WHAT the?
Did she say TIDYING UP THE CRAFT ROOM???
No, I don't think Hell has frozen over. But we did see a meteor shoot by the other day :)

Well! Look what Luvbug bought me!

We went into The Range to look at lighting, and came out with this. HORRAY! It's wonderful. And it came all-in-one, too, no putting together and turning the air blue. It was £99 though, and that was half price.

I labelled each draw to help me be organised.

I used plain white tags, rubbed over with cut-and-foam dunked on ink pads. Then I added flowers made by stamping flower shapes onto newspaper print and tinting with promarkers and blenders to make fainter, and attached with assorted brads.

Now the rest of the room is coming along, too.....

This case houses some books and underneath, my stamps, acrylic in one box and wooden in the other...

desk isn't looking too bad....

Oh no! You had to pan right, didn't you! Here's the mess still to sort! LOL!

This little room runs alongside the kitchen. It's very narrow; if I stand in the middle and stretch my arms out, I can almost touch each wall with my fingertips. We wonder if the builder's intention was to make this a utility room. The people who lived here before us used it mostly for storage of the wine their company imported/exported. It hasn't been successful as a craft space before because it got so cold. But we have heating now, since November 2009!- and now I finally have some time to sort it out. It will be nice to nip in here for an hour in the morning or while the evening meal is cooking. I'll have to set the alarm though. I burnt the potatoes by absconding in here the other day.

The walls are plain and I want to display things on them, especially the art that other people send me. I thought of sticking cork tiles on the wall, although this would be quite ugly. Then I spotted these dense foam boards at Hobbycraft:

They are £3.99 each and are A1 size. But at the moment you can have 10 for £25. I think this offer is only for another week or so, if you're after some. So anyway, I've ordered them!!!! I shall too many for the wall, but they say they are easily cut for craftwork, so I'm looking forward to experimenting. 

:)

One of the most hated jobs...

Mum's off to Tai Chi this afternoon. They pick her up, drop her off afterwards. I used to go with her but she is OK on her own now, though she does ask me to come sometimes; I judge it by mood- if she's a bit low or wobbly I'll go with her. Otherwise I am FREEE till about 5ish.

So! What am I doing today, with my free pass? Shopping? Arting? Relaxing with a book? Nope. I am defrosting my frost-free freezer.

Yeah that's right, frost-free, you read it right there.

I think it should be the other way 'round- free frost. Or free-for-all frost. I have spatulas and fish slices at the ready, a towel on the floor, food packed up in cool-bags and, if desperation strikes, a hairdryer.

Whoever came up with the phrase 'frost free'? The same person, I bet, that is resposible for the phrases 'fun size chocolate' and 'pain free period'.

Strooooooooooooooof!! Well, it has to be done; we've been having trouble shutting the door!!

52/4

MOAB IS MY WASHPOT

by Stephen Fry

"I shan't tell you," said Mr Kett. "It's a secret. See? That's how good I am at keeping them."

  **** **** **** **** *** ****

This is the first chunk of Stephen Fry's autobiography, leaving him at age 20. It's very funny, and very candid, too. 

I absolutely LOVE Stephen Fry. It's OK to say that without upsetting Luvbug for obvious reasons- first, Fry's glorious gayness, and second, Luvbug enjoys QI almost more than I do. He also knows how much Fry's documentary about Bi-Polar helped me, airing as it did for the first time just 2 weeks after my diagnosis. I'd thought I was BP for a long time, found patterns that weren't explained by 'straightforward' uni-polar depression. To have a psych-doc agree, and the art therapist, and to see it on my notes, well for some reason that hit me. For a long time afterwards, I thought -though it sounds corny- "If Stephen Fry can have this and manage, cope, LIVE, then so can I."

The title of the book confused me for a while. It's from the Psalms and is repeated in Psalms 60 and 108:

“Moab is My washbowl; Over Edom I shall throw My shoe; Shout loud, O Philistia, because of Me!”(Ps.60:8)

The psalm isn't quoted in the book so why the title?

Here's one interpretation, which I found on Yahoo! Answers, of all places!-

Old Testament Jews were extremely concerned with cleanliness. Wearing sandals in the hot and dusty environment, their feet would become filthy and upon entering a home, would be washed. In their cleansing and purification rituals they used poured water. They would not put their feet into the bowl, but instead hold their feet over the bowl and pour clean water over them, and the bowl would be used to catch the filthy water. The washpot was therefore a symbol of disgusting filthiness.

The phrase "Moab is my washpot" alludes to God's contempt for the enemies of Israel. The nation of Moab found displeasure with God because of "her overweening pride and conceit, her pride and arrogance and the haughtiness of her heart." God brought Moab low because of her futile insolence, yet He promised to "restore the fortunes of Moab in the days to come." So young Stephen Fry considered that he was a disgustingly filthy, proud, conceited and arrogant young man who, rather like God's promise to Moab, eventually amended his behaviour and excelled.

Wow. I wonder how many writers put that much thought into the title?!!

**** **** **** **** *** ****

BTW...

Equilibrium- The Bipolar Foundation  Stephen Fry is their Special Ambassador. There is a letter from him on the website about their work: here.

The best medicine

The Alzheimers Society website has a forum for carers, family members and suffers re. alzheimers and other forms of dementia. I go there when I can, now that I've remembered(!!) to bookmark the page.

This evening I had been low after One-Of-Those-Days.
Roll the day up and put it to bed and try again tomorrow.... then I read the following on the forum.

I thought it ok to publish here, as no names are mentioned. I wanted you to see how, although at times this caring thing can make you want to chew your own foot off, other times it makes you laugh till you wheeze :)

This is the conversation i had with mum yesterday morning....

ME...it was really foggy out on the roads this morning mum ('im a taxi driver on the school runs)
MUM...you should take some margarine for that
ME... eeerrrrmmmm margarine mum, what do i need that for ?
MUM...for your cough
ME...i don't have a cough mum and if i did i wouldn't take margarine for it anyway
MUM...you said you were really coughing in your taxi this morning and i said you should take some medicine for it, and don't be so stupid, you know margarine isnt for coughs.

Then today whilst we were driving home from shopping, the car in front of us threw up a stone and it hit my windscreen with a real sharp crack. Mum jumped out of her skin and said "What was that?" i said it was just a chipping that had come up off the car in front of us.

"Oh my god!" she said "its probably dead now after that"

"What's dead?" i said "it was only a chipping"

"Don't be so nasty" said she, "what if it was one of yours, you wouldn't say that"

A moment of silence followed while i tried to unravel this one, "Mum," i said, "it was only a chipping, you know, a small stone... "

"Oh bloody hell!!!" she shrieked "i thought you said it was a chicken that hit the window!!" we laughed so much she thought i was going to crash the car, ""stop it now!" she said, "if i laugh any more i'll pee myself and i havent got any clean slippers with me!"     .....like i said YOU'VE GOT TO LAUGH.

Brilliant!! LOL!