Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Friday, 10 October 2008

Knock, knock...... or, please tell me this is valuable.

Latest creation, with a new stamp, from Whiff Of Joy. I made it Wednesday night for my brother's partner. Her birthday is tomorrow. I plan to buy her a gift card from Boots. So I made this little folder to put it in, too:-front view

-back view

inside- I'll put the gift card in the pocket on the right.

Not sure if I will use it. Tempted to just chuck it in the bin!

Also made this modern Xmas card. It's a take on the "3 Wise Men" do you see?!

I'm feeling pretty low and ratty but fear not, I checked the calendar at my first Grrrrrrrr and ah, yes, it appears I am hormonal. I'll be feeling better in a few days, I hope!

I think some of this is sleep deprivation, too, as my back has been keeping me awake. Hey ho. Only another TEN DAYS to my X-ray.

I don't feel like doing any more cards, and I hope this feeling passes.

*My partner did make a comment that the cards are nice an' all, but not as good a thing to be doing with my talents as the pictures and paintings I've done in the past*.

Me, I've been seeing them as just another form of craft, another expression of an arty streak. There is no better or worse, no less or more worthy. What's more, it takes a lot out of you to do a painting or even a drawing. People think you're just sitting and drawing, so what could possibly be tiring about that? But it is, it drains you. All that concentration. All that head work. All that eye work, precision, decisions, focus, perspective. It exhausts you. I haven't had that in me for a while, and this papercraft stuff is a great way to be getting my creativity out of me in another way.

I know he didn't mean anything bad, it's the way it came out. The trouble with me is, once it's in my head, there it is. So, deep down I know he didn't mean to belittle the enormous pile of cards I now have- I've made about 50 since the end of July- but that's in my head. In my heart I feel I've been knocked right down. I look at my cards, and the huge stash of materials I've acquired, and I feel, "What's the point?" I feel I've been judged in my own home, *and in my own space*.

I did ask in an Art Cafe last Friday if they would take some of my cards to sell. She was enthusiastic. Gave me her email. Asked me to email about 6 samples to her. I still haven't......

16 comments:

linda said...

Helena, we who do art, know why we do and those who don't, don't always get it, you know? I doubt your partner meant to hurt you but didn't choose his words with sensitivity either and he needs to know it hurt so he doesn't do it again unknowingly, don't you think? I hear your hurt over his comment and perhaps, when you are feeling strong, you could bring up your feelings about it. You might feel too challenged physically and/or emotionally right now but eventually the time will be right. Otherwise, you could move on from it all and choose to do what moves you and brings you joy, despite what anybody thinks OR says...either way, I think you will know what is best for you.

Karen said...

Thanks so much for the comment on my blog (re the 8 yr old!) as it has enabled me to find yours: I love your humour and how you manange to show real personality through your posts. I love your cards too and card-making is pretty much the only kind of art - whatever that word means - that I do. However it has enabled me to create a business out of selling them which gives me a bit of pocket money while living in France. So send that email!!! When I am telling myself nothing is good enough I repeat my husband's advice: "The worst they can say is no" and actually, if they do, it's not so bad as what you do to yourself by not asking. And when they say yes...What a buzz!
And most of my cards get made in the 1 week when the hormones are 'up'! Seize the day!

Macpurp said...

thank you for leaving a comment and visiting my blog, i will try fish oil with my dog, i used to use it with my older dog for her joints.

I know where you are coming from with self doubt and after my breakdown I struggle with self doubt a lot of the time.

this is a beautiful card. and i love the gift folder, makes the gift card more personal. xx

thread-bare said...

Thank you for leaving the comment on my blog. Men, what would they know!!! Your cards are gorgeous, don't you dare throw that folder in the bin, its great. Hope you are feeling better soon, & email those samples xx

Dragonstar said...

Helena, men never say things the way they mean them, it always seems to come out wrong!

Your cards are lovely. Don't throw away that wee folder. DO send those samples off. And grit your teeth and wait for the damned hormones to shut up!

You are talented and creative. Enjoy your creating.

Lynda (Granny K) said...

Helena, Please send the samples off. I understand your self-doubts - i'm the world's worst in that department.
I could go on at great length about 'creativity', but here isn't the place to get my soapbox out. Suffice to say that creative people are my favourites by a mile, and you are one of the most creative people I know!

One the subject of hormones - I once saw a car-bumper sticker which said "I'm hormonal and i've got a gun" - it made me laugh!

carolann said...

Stunning work hun I hope your feeling better sending you (hugs) hun xxxxx

Helena said...

*****Thank you all for your kindness in leaving such long messages for my benefit :)*****



Lynda- I once saw a postcard that said "So many men, so few bullets."

LOL!

Lorianna said...

Oh Helena, don't you dare throw out your lovely work. Men can be rather thick headed. Mine is quite the bone head at times! ;) I'm sure yours didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Perhaps he is worried about how you are feeling with your back and all and doesn't know how to express it except to say you aren't doing what you did before you started hurting. My husband does that with me and my RA.
I'm hormonal this week too, so yay!
I think your cards are fabulous and yes you must e-mail your samples.
I will have to e-mail you as I have yet to get my details about the card exchange. I did get your address though and your birthdate, you little Scorpio you! (I hope the card I made you isn't too dorky.) ;)
I'm watching Martha Stewart craft on tv. She is so weird...
My fluffy girl Billie has been sick, so I haven't been able to do much visiting. I hope your kitty is okay.
take care sweetie,
Lorianna

leslie said...

Oh gosh, send her the samples - you never know! I keep trying to encourage my daughter to do more of her beautiful jewelry designs, but she doesn't have enough oomph or $ for it.

BumbleVee said...

Men and women are just wired differently.... remember that old book Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus? It's pretty much true.

Each of us usually has no clue what the other is even talking about...and I'm sure your sweetie didn't mean it to come across as anything mean or hurtful. He was probably just trying to encourage you to do more paintings because he really thinks they are special. I did too...I really loved the robin painting. Our robins will be leaving to fly south in a few days..I will miss them so much.. until spring...sigh.....

Hormones... dammit, they mess with our heads and our hearts for sure... along with the rest of our poor bodies. In a week or so..I bet you will be able to re-play this situation in your head and see it differently too... don't be too hard on yourself or your special guy right now. I think he is a keeper from what we have heard about him in the past...

BIG hug.....

Veronica

Jill said...

aww Helena, please don't feel so down on yourself your cards and creations are all gorgeous you are so talented, I love them all and what a great idea for the 3 wise men very clever, thanks for taking the time to leave me a comment on my card , keep creating Hugs Jill x

Helena said...

***THANKS, everyone :)

Yep, he is definitely a goodie and "one to keep"! I know he didn't mean it to come out the way it did, I don't think he did, anyway. But it still hangs over me, like, these cards are just playing, when am I going to get to the serious stuff? Gee thanks, d'oh!

***

Bumblevee, I didn't know your robins flew south-???? Ours stay here and sing throughout the winter :) that's why you get so many on UK Christmas Cards!

Kristin Bueter said...

Helena~

I can definitely sympathize with your feelings of being let down. I too, started "bigger" if you will (or as your partner put it) by drawing and painting. It was envigorating and exhausting at the same time. The end result was so rewarding...but the toll it took getting there, was draining...just like you mentioned. I agree that cards are an easy way to exert your creativity, with more instant results.

Everyone has their passion, or hobby...my husband too. He doesn't understand my craft or the mass of supplies I have acquired...but I can't say that I understand the hobbies he enjoys (like working on his truck...all day :O). I'm sure he didn't mean anything by what he said, but if you have the same Scorpio traits that I do, you hold onto things. Especially adverse emotions. The good thing about committing to a partner is that we eventually let go of the adverse emotion (when we might not be so forgiving with others). I may be way off, but you strike me as having many of the same traits I do (through our conversations).

I take things a lot more personally when my hormone level is up also :O) Oh, and I've already read your most recent post, and GOOD FOR YOU dropping off those gorgeous cards at the Art Cafe! I'm happy you took the leap whether they choose to sell them or not. I found a company online today where you can sell your creations for free also...let me know if you want the site. I'll have to find it again :O)

Helena said...

Kristin, that's right, once it's in there it's in there to stay! Even if I KNOW something wasn't meant the way it was said, the memory of it being said stays.

I even remember stuff from 30 years ago at school! LOL!

He has since put it another way- he says it is the difference between having my name on the front of my work or on the back. I get that. But I still don't look down on the cards and papercrafting. See? LOL! See what I did there? I accepted what he said but then went back again! LOL!

Yes please, I would love to know what website you are talking about!

Helena

Kristin Bueter said...

LOL :O) We have soooo much in common! Ha ha...I can't stop laughing. I do the same thing you did in that post...accept his position, yet, contradict your acceptance in the same sentence :O) I too recall things that happened in school...and people who I still hold a grudge against that I haven't seen in 20 years. That's just silly! They probably don't even remember my name, much less what they did to "cross" me! ...still laughing :O)

I posted the link to the store in the post with your cards. Here it is again just in case you read this first: http://www.shophandmade.com/home

Good luck!