Splitting in two

After a quiet Christmas with mum, we headed back home on Monday evening.

On Tuesday morning, I couldn't get her on the phone. So I rang her neighbour, Karen.

Karen found her dazed, with an enormous, bruised lump on her forehead. She couldn't remember how she got it. Still can't. She had similar symptoms to the mini-strokes; couldn't name people she should know, couldn't speak properly.... Luvbug and I swapped a few clean things into our still unpacked bags and headed back down to Kent....

We had planned to be home for just 3 days, then head back down for New Year. We're starting to feel tired out.

I didn't call an ambulance this time. I'm not sure if that was right, but my thinking was simply that, last time, all the hospital did was keep her overnight and keep her rested- which didn't exactly work as their noise kept her awake all night. I thought that so long as we got her in to see her doctor that same day, she would be as well off at home, resting, and not worrying about being in hospital again.

We did manage to get her to the doctor, who said that we'd probably done OK by her, but that if it happened again overnight to call an ambulance.

Once at the doc's I just caught a glimpse of a bruise on her tongue.... so I got the doctor to examine this. Good job it was spotted; he thinks she has had a seizure of some kind, and that maybe this caused her to fall or bump into something, hence the bruising on her head. He has upped her anti-seizure meds but they will take a week to take effect.

Today she is back to normal- no wrong words, so slurring. VERY fed up with having to up her meds.

We went shopping and took her for a drive. She is catching my cold, which is unfortunate as it is a rotten throaty one.

Luvbug returns to work next week and needs to do some preparation for the new job before he gets there. It seems then, that he'll be headed home by Saturday and I'm here for the long haul.

We are really worried that mum can't be left on her own now. She is getting upset too.

Mentally, it is starting to drain me. It's nearly two months now. I have renewed awe and respect and sympathy for full time, long term carers everywhere. How do they keep giving? My initial adrenaline-fuelled activity and brightness is being replaced by a strange inertia, a slowing down inside, a gasping for breath.

I was pleased yesterday when my elder brother actually came to visit. He has barely called to ask after her since the first attack- same can be said for my other two siblings. But whilst here I noticed he barely spoke to her really, talking across her instead.
When he did talk to her it was to talk about all his news, which she wasn't well enough to take on board, and not to ask about her, her worries, her plans, how was her Christmas, etc., or even just to sit quietly with her. I watched and felt, oh I don't know, annoyed? No, annoyed is too energetic. I was unsurprised and barely disappointed.

I want to be enthusiastic, happy, optimistic, able to love and help mum whilst not leaving Luvbug out. Instead I have been a wee bit snappy. The wrong time of the month arrived at the worst possible time, leaving me battling cold symptoms, stomach pain, sleep deprivation, impatience and worry all at the same time.

How do people do this? What if you have a child who's ill, a job to keep going to, your own stuff to worry about? How do you keep going without splitting yourself down the middle?

Made it!

We are back at mum's!

We put the journey off till yesterday because of road problems in Kent. We thought we wouldn't be able to get through. Then when we were ready to go, we found that the car battery was completely dead. D'oh!

Luvbug found a local guy online who came out within half an hour with a new one, installed it and got the car going- all for less money than a new battery from Halfords- and without us walking to Halfords in the snow and lugging it back. Brilliant!

We had a few hold-ups and diversions because of crashes on the road ahead of us. Good job we hadn't set out earlier after all or we may have been nearer the pile up!

Mum is sounding good.
We got the tree up and decorated it last night. Already there are lots of presents underneath (some from blogger friends- thank you so much!!)

We plan to do the food shopping late at night at the 24 hour supermarket. Hopefully not too many people will have the same idea and we will miss the crowds :)
Mum is all excited, bless her, as she has never been late night shopping before!

This mobile internet connection is really unreliable- sort of OK right now, impossible to connect last night- so I don't know if I'll be able to log on much. So I better say it here-

Hope you all have a lovely, peaceful Christmas, full of smiles and comfort. I hope you all make some good memories.
Love and hugs, tea and cake, everyone!!!!

Ice, snow and doves....

My back garden.......

Erm, do you think I should have put the clothes line away???? :)

Oops! :)

Poor cold birds....but the collared doves have never looked cuter....

Ice...ice...ice....Ahhh blue sky, sunshine... but not warm enough to melt it!It started snowing Thursday, then through the night, again yesterday....

We had some more snow overnight and a little more this afternoon. Not much. But what's there already doesn't seem to be melting away at all! It was sunny today, big blue skies- and freeeeeezing cold!

We don't know when we will be able to get back to mum's. We think we should pack for staying over Christmas and go whenever we can- and presume there's a big chance of getting stuck!!!
Blankets, munchies, spade and blanket in the back of the car, I think!

Things aren't too bad here, but it's been heavier in Kent. At one point the roads to the Isle of Sheppey were closed. Now the motorway from Medway to London -about 30 odd miles- is one-lane only each way, the other lanes being completely ice and snow-bound. Eek!

I finished my Xmas shopping on Thursday, amid the first flurries. Everything wrapped up and bagged now. Luvbug did some shopping yesterday. I've had a hunt around but can't find my pressie :) I know he hasn't wrapped anything yet though!

If only the snow had waited a week, eh?

Cards are winging their way... slowly!

Grumpy woman in the post office today, when I presented lots of cards and packages for abroad, said,

"You DO KNOW that you've MISSED all the last postage dates, I take it?"
-like some dreadful headmistress!!!!

Good grief! What was the point of telling me that? I felt like saying, "OK don't worry then, I'll go home and trash the lot instead." ????????????
SHEEESH!!!!! I know she must be tired, but still! I'd been in the queue for 15 minutes and my back was starting up, but I still managed a smile so why couldn't she? She was sitting down and had a cup of tea next to her! Grrrrrrr..........

Anyway- so my cards and pressies are in the post.
If I have your address you'll most probably be getting one- unless I've lost it since last year or you moved! But it seems that if you're outside the UK you might not get yours till the new year. Oh well! It'll be a wee post-Xmas extra for you! Hope you like them- eventually!

I'm home!

Goodness! Last night was the first time I've slept in my own bed since 1st November! It felt very odd!

Today I am forgetting how to use the phone and the tv remote control, as they are different from the ones at mum's house :) d'oh!

Mum is ok..... I hope she stays ok.... we are ringing each other a few times a day and I got a spare key cut for her neighbour- and left mum with strict instructions DO NOT LEAVE THE KEY IN THE LOCK!!!! -this was why we had to get the police to force entry when she was ill the first time.

Luvbug and I will be heading back to mum's at the end of this week. Maybe Thursday, maybe the weekend. Not sure yet. See how she does. It's the first time she's been alone since all this started.

Please keep everything crossed for her.

Last night I was in tears and Luvbug just held me tight while I blubbed. It all had to come out some time I suppose. All that stress and worry, all backed up for weeks ;)

I feel a little disorientated today. Now what was it I used to do with my day?.....

So far I have napped by the fire with a cup of tea, watched some tv that recorded in my absence, eaten porridge (smothered in cinnamon yum!) and done some laundry. Oh! And opened 11 doors on our Advent calendar. -Luvbug forgot about it after 3 days! LOL!

Now I'm off to call mum..... see how SHE'S doing on her own! I wonder if she feels as lost as me!

Still plodding on.....

OK here's another one for the list.... a lorry swiped Luvbug's car on Saturday!

I'm not joking! All is ok; the bumper just did its job, basically! Huge rip and it's hanging on by one side. Lots of scratches and a hole. We're trying to remember what used to be in the hole. Haha.Maybe it was a little 'Fiat' badge or something. Have to sneak up on another Fiat Punto and find out what little circular thing they have on their bumper.

Meanwhile, mum is doing ok. I've nipped in to the library to log on for a wee while and she is up the shops. We're meeting up in a mo for tea and a mince pie in a cafe. I'm not really into mince pies but I'm trying to fatten her up a bit and she won't eat unless I do, so.... :)

I am getting almost unbelievably fat. No bike here so my new excercise regime has gone to pot and all the extra food. I usually have a snack of a breakfast and then a meal with Luvbug in the evening. But I'm trying to get mum into Breakfat, Lunch, Snack, Dinner routine ( as per her dietician, whom she'll be seeing this Friday) and as she won't eat unless I eat, and won't cook unless I cook.... it means I am eating more than ever! I am looking forward to the new year, to mum being fit and well and living nearer us, and also to getting myself fit, too!

Luvbug brought some of my craft stuff down at the weekend, and I bought some basics at a shop here, so I managed to make a few Christmas cards last night. It was nice and relaxing. I refrained from glitter though. Best not get it into the carpets with mum selling up an' all....!

Hope to be in a position to visit your blogs soon. Please bear with me! The laptop worked on the internet last time I was at mum's, but this time it just doesn't want to play, so I am limited to a little time in the library instead. Et voila. I am surrounded by noisy Polish guys in here. I remembered enough Polish to ask them to be quiet. They replied with something I suspect I'd rather not translate even if I could.... Grrr.........

Better be off now. Have a mother to seek out and find, and fill with tea and mince pies :)

Just a quickie update... in case you were wonderin'!

Hullo!!

Well, did I speak too soon??? !!!!!!!

I was to be going home Sunday but mum had a set back, so I'm in Kent still. Another mini-stroke. Not as bad as the last time- thank goodness we were there, and that it didn't happen after we'd gone home. Only one night in hospital this time. Boy, were we scared. We just couldn't believe it...

They have tweaked her med's. As well as things to thin the blood a little to prevent clots, she is now on sodium valproate in case these are actually seizures- this is an anti-epilepsy drug. It's also used as a mood stabilizer- I have been offerred it in the past re my bi-polar- so I am hoping it will also help her apparent depression and the bad anxiety she seems to get from time to time.

She is low from time to time, especially over the number of med's she is on. I told her, don't be depressed about having to take all these- the time to be down is if you have to take all these but you also have to pay for them, and find you can't, and then you have to decide which ones to leave out...

Luvbug put an offer in on the bungalow the other day, and as far as I know it's been accepted.... good news... perhaps nbow she can see in her mind where she is moving to, she can relax a little??? She says she doesn't like to look forward to it in case it doesn't happen.

I'm in a library using their computer at the mo, and Luvbug is bringing the laptop down tomorrow so I'll be able to get online again.

I haven't been able to send any cards or presents out- all at home in Colchester!!! so, my friends, and especially those abroad, you'll probably get your card from me in the new year at this rate :)

At last... progress (dare I say it?)

Mum is looking better. She had seemed drawn, with hollowing cheeks, but she has what seems to be the beginnings of a spark back now. The hollows are going, she is getting her cheeks back =) and she says that the strange "almost-numbness" that had remained on the side of her face that "drooped" during the stroke has now nearly gone.

The other day we walked to see a bungalow that's for sale, and then went to the park and fed squirrels, then walked into town for some shopping.
I felt so guilty!- I have been cycling into town on my new bike for months and had completely forgotten how far it is on foot! Poor mum! I kept finding benches for us to rest on. I was apologising for the rest of the day! Never mind. She didn't get any bad effects and loved meeting the squirrels. She does do a lot of walking at home, but there are no hills there..... She sure slept long and well that night!

The cats seemed to take it all in their stride in the end. Amazingly, neither of them are climbing the walls to get out! We put two litter trays in the conservatory and they have been fine with that. Scooter is reluctant to use them ("I'm a big boy I don't need a potty" type of thing, I think...) but gets round to it in the end =)

Scooter has even been playing! Yes, real playing- football, with rolled up pieces of shiny paper. I haven't seen him do that in years! He runs along, patting it from one front paw to the other, then he stops, wags his head from side to side, jumps up and pounces on it. You MUSTN'T laugh. If he sees you giggling he stops. I've joined in, "serving" him the ball though.

Fluffy is much, much more vocal than usual- and that' really saying something. But she is quite deaf so I think she just needs lots of reassurance sometimes.

Anyway... it has been decided that for now, the cats will return to Sheerness tomorrow with Mum....

She will miss them so much, and says that they help her "get through the day". We have been to and fro with talking about it, but then I realised, look, the whole idea was to make it easier for mum, and if it makes it harder then we don't do it. And if it upsets her and is one big change she can't have right now, then that's that. I had been mostly thinking of the physical side- getting up early for them, giving them their meds, etc. I hadn't given enough weight to the benefit of the routine that their demands deliver.

But now she's seen that the cats are fine, that they will be ok here, she has stopped worrying about uprooting them, and so the move is definitely on.

She loved the bungalow. It's in an "over 55's" complex. NOT "sheltered housing", just individual properties with a "warden" on site. Each property is linked up to an emergency system- if she is ill or has a fall, etc., she just presses a buzzer and help comes. We're only a mile or so up the road, but if we're away and she needs help, this will stop us -and her- worrying.

It's a lovely little place. Really suits her!

So the plan is falling into place....
she has a buyer for her place already, now we seem to have found the right place for her. The plan with the cats is to move them to our place about a month before the move. Once here, she'll be popping up to see them anyway!

This coming Tuesday it will be 4 weeks since the mini-stroke. I think back to that mad dash to her home, not knowing why she wasn't answering the phone, and to me sitting next to her tiny dozing body on the trolley-bed in A & E at 5am, her not knowing who I was. The memory of it frightens me more than the actual event did at the time. The wonder of adrenaline, I suppose. I haven't had time to draw breath yet. Monday will be my first day back in my "normal life". It will be strange.

Strange for her too, which is an understatement. -First time alone in 4 weeks. I offered to stay with her another week but she wants to see if she can go it alone. We've told her to call us if she feels she can't manage, or needs to rest, and I'll come over and stay again. All things well, she'll be fine on her own from Monday - Friday, and we'll be there again next weekend. Please keep all things crossed!

What on earth's going on?!!!

Luvbug and I have a sneaky feeling that someone somewhere may have a photo of us and is sticking pins in it, because when comes to tough luck, if it isn't happening to us, it's happening to someone near us!

How about this for a running tally, since October:

• Central heating wouldn't come on again. We got estimates to get it fixed and decided to go ahead at about £2,000.
  
• Mum had an MRI revealing 3 fractured vertebrae and osteoporosis.
• The following week- Mum had a mini-stroke.
• Heating job rose to nearly £3,000 as pipes were found to be almost completely blocked.
• Luvbug got date for long-awaited operation on a hernia- they've given him Christmas Eve!
• My younger brother rings from Mexico where he went to work and live with the love of his life in March... erm.... they've split up.
• Elder brother rings to say he has to have a test for bowel cancer. WTF??????
  
• We bring mum and cats to Colchester- very stressful journey. Fluffy and Scooter meowed all the way. HATED new carriers. OK once here, but boy oh boy! First few days were stress stress stress. Very little sleep all round.
• Same evening we all get home- we shut the front door and the handle and lock all fall away in Luvbug's hand. I call locksmith the morning. New lock fitted = £130.
  
• Mum's first day in our place and I show her round the garden where she slips on leaves and falls flat over- luckily nothing broken but very winded.
• Luvbug has job interview. Goes to cupboard for ironing board for suit trousers.... finds ironing board is soaked through. The only thing above that cupboard is the upstairs loo.... we flush it to find out what the connection is.... water pours through a new hole in the cupboard's ceiling! Now we have to get a plumber to investigate, a new loo, new flooring....

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!
LOL!

Good grief! What is this??? Well thank goodness I am laughing. I don't know HOW I am, stress usually has such a bad affect on me. Maybe it's adrenaline. I don't know. But c'mon! Isn't it someone else's turn yet??? AND TODAY MY BLOODY TIME OF THE MONTH STARTED!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRGHHHHH!

NOT the best day to be wandering through M & S when they have a "Buy one, get one free" offer on 1lb boxes of chocolate biscuits... =)



ps.................. he got the job!!!! Now we have to check how long after the op' he has to refrain from driving. We suspect they will say more than a week, in which case he'll have to cancel the operation because having it will mean he can't start the new job.....

We're all set.

Thanks for all your comments and emails re my last quandary! It's been helpful; it isn't just the advice itself it's also the knowledge that people care enough to pass it on =)

We've come to compromise. A wee bit of one, at least.

If mum is coming to stay with us next week then we need to move the cats for next week anyway. So we're taking them with us and if they just can't take it at my place we'll return them with mum in a week's time. Mum says she'll be ok without them so long as they are ok and settle.

As she pointed out, if she's selling her place and moving up to be near us (something that's been in progress for a while now- a buyer has been found for her house, but now that buyer has to find a buyer for his before things can move....) this means that the cats will have to move to a new territory at some stage anyway.

I've bought two new carriers for them, slightly larger than the old one but still small enough to be cosy and "safe". They are also designed to be used with a seatbelt in a car, so we'll all be going in the car together rather than booking a pet taxi.

The new space-age carrier.... a pink one for Fluffy, orange for Scooter =)
So far they are unimpressed.

The carriers arrived dismantled and it took a wee while to put them together. Both cats sat in front of me looking utterly bemused, then refused the newly built prisons and duly set up home in the packaging.

Hmmmm.... good job I bought the "Large" size.....

I can't believe that I've been away from home for nearly 3 weeks now. I wonder how it will feel to be home. Warmer, certainly, as the central heating guys were in fixing the system when all this happened. I want to get back and see what it all looks -and feels- like!

Mum is looking forward to next week. She said, "It will be like a holiday for me."

Geesh I hope Luvbug has done some cleaning.

Bit of an update... & what would you do???

I'm still down in Kent, staying with mum. She definitely seems more like herself now, not low like last week, which is great. Luvbug came down for the weekend and we all went for a drive on Sunday, seeking out country lanes to show mum the last of the autumn colours. Then we stopped at a craft centre for a roast lunch and enormous desserts. I think it did her good!

This Sunday I'll be going back home- and we're bringing mum to stay with us in Essex for the week. Also, we're moving the cats up to our place. Mum will miss them, but they are so much work now they are 16 and needing daily meds.

All the time I've been here (Lor! This is my 3rd week here! Where did that go??!) I've been doing their morning feeds and pills as there was no way I was going to have her getting up early for them after what she's been through!!!! Besides, they're really my cats so why should she have to? (Although she usually does when we down for a weekend visit... I feel so bad about that now...)
In case you're wondering, when we first moved to Essex in 2003, we rented a flat for 6 months so I asked mum if she could foster the cats. Then when we got our own place and a garden I asked to take them back and she said "NO! Oh no! Not take them!"
"Um, okayyy... but as they are still technically mine I'll still get the food, vet, insurance, cos you shouldn't have to do that....." ..... so this is how she came to have my cats!

Anyway....
On the day she was coming home from the hospital I went out and bought her a memory-foam mattress topper and a new, big thick duvet for her bed (thank goodness for pre-Christmas sales!), so that she would be warm and cosy and sleep better. I didn't want the mogs to spoil that, so I told her, don't get up early! I'll take care of it!

The mog-med run starts about 6.30am, with Fluffy singing a song so loud that even though she can't bring herself to actually MOVE and come and get us, just sitting in the middle of the living room and yowing full belt has the same effect. And no amount of "Ssh, Fluffy, it's ok, I'll be there in a minute..." will have any effect whatsoever as she is so deaf she won't hear you. I doubt she even hears herself, which is why she keeps on and on and only uses the same two notes. But ahhh, bless her cheesy toes =)

We've only got one pet carrier and it's quite small. It's OK for quick drives to the vet and back, but not for 170+ miles. So I'm hiring a 'pet taxi'. There are two firms I'm looking at. One will charge £62 and the other £150. Am I mad???
Well, the £150 one will ensure they have large cages with access to food, water, bed and litter tray. The other firm can only offer water and I've had to email them to find out just how big their carriers are, as I suspect they might be rather small. I want to make the move as less frightening as possible for them, poor things. Also, if they arrive at our house after a smooth journey, they will settle down more quickly. A big worry though.

It's a lot of money for a 2 hour journey for moggies, but the cheapest I've seen large carriers for is £24, and I would need 2.... so the cheaper taxi is only £14 more. And we can't fit me, Luvbug, mum, 2 cat carriers, bags and my bike all in our little Fiat Punto..... Hmmm....

Mum will be with us till the following weekend. Really I want to keep an eye on her for as long as possible and continue trying to feed her up(!) and get her into a routine of eating. She did at first say, "No, I won't come up: I have to be able to do it on my own..." hmmm OK, but not yet! But instead of saying this I told her that her being there would help the cats settle and then she agreed =) but really I just want to be around her for as long as possible.
We went to her doc today to make sure he knew what had happened (no, the hospital hadn't been in touch) and he said that it could take weeks to get over a TIA. -So if she stays with us till the last weekend of the month that will be 4 weeks since the attack.....

I'm really not sure about the cat move at all. I feel sick thinking about it as they are old and are used to this territory of theirs. But I said to mum, if you can bear to part with them, maybe you should, as it is so much work for you and you need to look after yourself- concentrate on yourself for a while now.....once you've moved up near us you can see them all the time anyway, and if in six months time you haven't moved yet and you want them back, we can bring them back.... but for now, concentrate on yourself and stop having your sleep disturbed....

But then I remember all the stuff about pets being good for recovery and all that.... am I being cruel, blind and horrible???????

I have ummmed and errrd about it both ways so much today that I am now tied up in knots about it and really don't know what to do! AAAAARGH! What do you think??? Of course, I am currenty furiously and premenstrually hormonal and it's a miracle I can think at ALL let alone back and forth and all over again, so I may very possibly be fretting over absolutely nothing.

Or not.

Mum home.... but little thanks to the doctors!!!

I was able to bring mum home on Monday night. Sorry for the lack of update but it's all been so busy...

I had a call on Monday morning from a nurse who said,
"The doctor has been round, and says that you can take your mum home today! He says that the confusion was probably all just the urinary tract infection, and that's clear now, so she can go."
-WHAT????????

I had to bite my tongue, and just about managed to speak without shouting and snapping someone's head off! "Confusion"?????

She put me through to the doctor's assistant.

I explained that mum had NOT been admitted with "confusion" but with
(1)a droop to one side of her face,
(2)fluent aphasia, babbling, using all the wrong words, slurring,
(3)weakness in her right arm,
(4)inability to recognise anyone known to her, plus the fact that
(5)it seems she had been unconscious for 24 hours....
the paramedics, everyone in A & E and the doctor who saw her in the assessment ward ALL thought it was a TIA ("mini stroke"). The assistant I spoke to now said that she had had no idea of any of this, and that no notes of any of it were there!!!!! So none of the paperwork from the previous departments had been passed on! All they had recorded for her was what symptoms she had presented when she came to *that* ward- 3 days after it had all happened. By this time, confusion was probably the only symptom left, and the only one written down anywhere.

I stressed that everyone had suggested a TIA and then I was told that it was ok, the brain scan had been clear. So I asked them to carry out an ultra-sound on her carotid arteries (on the NHS's own website under strokes and TIA info, they list 4 tests for the condition- brain scan, various blood tests, an ECG and ultra-sound of the heart and/or carotid arteries- they hadn't done this last one...). They said that they would speak to the doctor and, if he thought it necessary(!!!!!!!!!), they would do one. But I could still come to collect her that afternoon

Well, I arrived at 3.15 and she was just being taken for the ultrasound scan! And on her discharge papers it now lists all her symptoms and says "Very Probably TIA". At last! They have it on her records!!!

The ultrasound didn't show any further clots but she has a follow-up appointment in 6 -8 weeks.

The doctor that had wanted to say it was all a urinary tract infection was hanging around but wouldn't talk to me. Grrrrrrrrr............. and if I hadn't intervened she would have been sent home with no clot-prevention medicine. I've read that after a mini-stroke there is a huge risk of having another one in one month, and a full-blown stroke in one year, UNLESS preventative medicine is given. I can't believe how close she came to having the whole thing dismissed as a urine infection! A mini-stroke is meant to be a warning, yet it almost got written off.

I asked if they had actually tested a "sample" that day to see the the infection had gone- answer was no. Had they actually done a sample when she came in to hospital? No. So how did they determine that she ever had an infection? Well, they bear that in mind because confusion can be caused by that. Okkaayyyy.... so the doctor put the symptoms of a TIA down to a urine infection that he had no proof of, then released her when he assumed it had gone, though he had no proof of that either. "Yes, well she's been on anti-biotics for it." ?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel a letter coming on.

-Especially as I have recently realised something else, far worse!

-They did the brain scan on Friday but didn't check it till Monday (because the doctors don't do rounds on weekends!) -and yet they started her on daily blood-clot prevention injections on Friday. -Not because of a suspected TIA, but because they didn't have time to see that patients were kept mobile. All the patients on that ward got it, to prevent thrombosis while being in bed for days. But this means that if the TIA had been caused by a bleed on the brain, they would have made it worse, as the injections worked by 'thinning' the blood- she would have bled even more.

All this at a time when the hospital was working to normal capacity- no rush on for flu outbreaks or anything like that. My God!!!

Anyway.............. I've tried to shield her from these details of course!

I'm relieved she is back home. But she is so down. She says she is angry at herself for getting ill, and annoyed and upset with herself. She is so quiet. Not chatting as usual. I'm more worried about this than anything else, now. I know she is tired, of course, and maybe in a few more days she'll be feeling a little more "up". But it is very disturbing to see her just sitting and looking into space. Early days, I guess.

At the hospital.....

Just a wee update... Mum improving all the time, but I am having to keep pushing the staff at the hospital for the right care....

Mum was finally moved to a normal ward on Friday afternoon.
I got there for the afternoon visiting hour and they were just about to weigh her. She weighed 6 stone 5lb, even less than I had feared.
I raised the worry of her weight loss over the last year with the nurse, and she is going to refer her to a dietician. I've asked if she can have a blood test to check for any vitamin deficiencies etc., and I think this will be done. I will stay on their case to get it done!!!

Despite having all the appearances of a mini-stroke when we found her, she didn't get a brain scan done till Friday afternoon. At first we were told the results would take a few hours but in the end we have discovered we have to wait till Monday at the earliest because the doctors don't do ward rounds at weekends. Frustrating for us all, especially mum, who keeps asking to go home(!) but obviously can't, not till everything has been investigated.

We were told that on this ward they monitor what is eaten and what is left, which made us feel a little relieved to hear as she seems unable or unwilling to eat anything. But yesterday I arrived just after lunch and saw that mum had eaten hardly any of it, yet they wrote in her file that she had eaten it all. Ditto for Friday's food. I spoke to the nurse about it and she was reluctant to change it, but did in the end.

Then I noticed that in Mum's file it says that she was admitted with 'confusion' - nothing about being unconscious for the best part of 24 hours, or a marked droop on one side of her face, or the dysnomia (using random, wrong words).
I pointed this out to the nurse, and said that they had suspected a mini-stroke, but she said oh, we can't right in what it might be, just what needs to be investigated. WHAT the?????

This has riled me all night and I kept waking up going over it.
The doctors are unavailable to visitors so I'm not sure how to go about getting her symptoms properly listed.

It is SOOOO frustrating. I was with her through A&E and the assessment ward and now this ward too. I have given an account of what happened at every step of the way, to every shift change, the same questions, and each person wrote it down. But the info doesn't seem to get passed on.

Even the nurses now, at the weekend, are not the same who work in the week, they are agency nurses. I hope mum gets back the nurse she had Friday, she was so friendly and helpful. The nurses with her at the moment don't seem to talk to the patients at all.

She had expected to be coming home yesterday and no one had broken it to her that she wasn't. She was so disappointed.

She is OK otherwise, but bored!

There is no radio etc. but I took her a book of short stories and she finished it, so I took her a new book yesterday. Also a puzzle book, which she is working through. It's nice to see this as it means she can concentrate and write, etc.

When I was a child mum had Bell's Palsy and it left her unable to read and write and I helped her
to learn again- so I was so relieved to see she was OK with these skills now.

Today I will make a sandwich and take it in to her; maybe if it's her own bread etc. she might eat some of it. I told her, I'm bringing in cake today, and she better have a little of it because it's my birthday!!!

Mum in hospital- had a mini stroke

Strange! Even as I was writing my last post, this had already happened....

I last spoke to her Monday. I couldn't get hold of her all Tuesday so I rang her neighbour. She couldn't get an answer at the door and there were no lights on so we drove down...
couldn't get in as my key didn't work- hers was in the lock the other side- VERY scary...
In the end we had to get the police out to force the door.
Seems she had slept from Monday night all through Tuesday- no sign she had been up at all.
At first her face was droopy, her lip bitten, her tongue bruised.
She didn't know who we were. She didn't know me.
She used all the wrong words, trying to speak but the words were wrong.
e.g. "waterfall" for glass and "macs" for policemen.
The ambulance took her in, I went with her, Luvbug followed in car....
I stayed with her till 11am, by which time she had seen 2 doc's and was on a ward.
All blood tests OK, x-rays OK, limb movement and reflexes ok, but doing a brain scan today.

They think it was a mini stroke, a "T I A".
Not as bad as a "real" stroke.
Usually full recovery.

Last night when we visited she was clearer, knew our names. She didn't use any wrong words and her face was back to normal. She has a temperature but other physical stuff is ok.
We took her some photo's of my brother's sons- her grandsons in other words- and she recognised them straight away and was chatting about them.
She asked after the cats, were they OK, etc..

She remembers the ambulance being outside the house but doesn't remember anything else about what happened. She also doesn't remember last weekend as my brother and the boys had visited and they had all had a nice time, but she doesn't remember. She remembered her neighbour's name and asked after her, but when I said a friend from her church had called, she didn't know who she was. SO there are still some patches but things are clearing....

Going to see her again from 6-8.30 tonight. My brother is visiting this afternoon.

Will update when I can.

Please keep everything crossed for her.
I know you'll all be wishing her well- thanks in advance for all your kind thoughts =)

Mum

Mum, a couple of weeks ago, posing with her very first handmade card =)

Please keep things crossed for my mum. She had an MRI recently, to get to the bottom of her backache and general aches and pains. It revealed 3 "wedge fractures" in her spine.

This Thursday she is having another scan, which they expect will confirm osteoporosis.
It has been a big shock to everyone...... I had assumed this was an 'elderly disease', though now that I have read up on it I am shocked to discover that even children can get it. All the same, it was a shock to read that it can even be fatal, especially if you get a hip fracture.

She has lost tons of weight this year. The pain has put her off eating a lot of the time. Till now the doc's have just prescribed things like codeine. If your patient had gone from 133lb to 98lb in less than a year, and from slightly cuddly to a stick, wouldn't you notice? Ask why? Run some ******* tests for ****'s sake????

I hope she can move closer to us so that I can help her with stuff, check she's eating ok, etc. At the moment we are 2 hours away from her. -Not very good if she has a fall.

Meanwhile she has found a buyer for her house, and we are bringing her up to Colchester this Friday to view a flat that might be suitable. She is very nervous about moving, though we do keep trying to reassure her it will all be well. She is a chronic worrier. I just want her to be ok.

Autumn colour

Red, pink, orange, gold, green....

leaves from our walk, scanned in.

There are some lovely colours around right now!
It doesn't happen every autumn, so if you can, get out and have a look before it all disappears!

It only goes this red in certain weather conditions; if the autumn days are sunny and mild but the nights are cold but not freezing, then we get bright colours that hang around a while before falling. Some years it seems to go from green to bare REALLY quickly, giving rise to conversations at our kitchen window that go something like this, year after year;
"Oh! When did that tree lose its leaves?"
"Erm.... not sure. It was green last time I looked!"
"Me too. Oh well."

Not so this year. Yesterday it was windy and rainy for the first time in AGES. We had to go out anyway, so we cut across the park on the way;

Spot the goosies!;

Luvbug took all these photo's. This is my favourite.
I like how the leaves look "spiky":

I collected some of the leaves and immersed them in a bowl of water when we got in. If you do this, they stay pliable and fresh till you're ready to do something with them. They were OK there overnight. Today, I dried them out by sitting them on some kitchen paper and then laid them across my scanner....I was just keen to get a record of them. They're so lovely. Such stunning colour. Like jewels..

I might try to make backgrounds from these scans, maybe for my blog or printed out and used on arty crafty stuff. Or I might just forget all about them. We'll see!

=)

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It's my birthday this Sunday!!

I shall be 42, which, as any Douglas Adams fans out there will know, is the answer to life, the universe and everything.
So that's nice, isn't it?
Now I just need to find the question.

Watch this space for some birthday "candy". I shall post about it just as soon as these heating engineers have finished pulling up floors and making dust.... ooooo central heating, soon, folks, soon! Horray!

Well guess what I've gone and forgotten THIS time?!!!!

Oh boy! You really are a great lot, you know. Thank you for so many comments after my last navel-gaze. OK that sounds like I am making light of it, but I'm not really. I really do appreciate your words and I hope I've taken some of it on board. There is a lot of wisdom out there! And a lot of kindness, too....

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So! What did I forget this time?
Well, I was off to my mum's from Saturday midday-ish till Monday evening.
I took with me-

• some craft stuff (she is getting interested.... slowly.... dipping her toe in.... just.... about..... I'll get her, you see if I don't!);
• extra clothes;
• washbag;
• book;
• camera;
• umbrella (the original one, not the one we bought when I thought I had lost this one -and then lost that one the other week. Ahem.)

Any guesses what I left behind?
Scroll down to see if you were right...

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if you said "THE BLASTED CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then congratulations, you're psychic.
And hence the gap above is not filled with pictures.

HURRUMPFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily, Luvbug has a camera so I'll take some photo's of some stuff I made and post those.
They won't be as good because my camera is better than his, but I bought his as a present and he bought me mine, so less said about quality difference the better. Ahem.

By the way, re some of the other things on the list-

• I didn't forget the umbrella because I forgot I had it and so left it safely in my overnight bag when we went out for a walk. In the rain.
• And I didn't forget my book because my mum mistook my showing it to her in a "hey I'm reading this, it's really good!" kind of way as a "would you like this book?" kind of way. Now SHE is reading it.
• And oh, actually yes, I left the crafty stuff behind as well. The camera was in the same bag. Oops.
  

I'm not getting any better, am I? =)