Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Monday, 13 December 2010

Farewell, sweet Fluff

 Fluffy, in the foreground, with her brother in the garden in July.


We took our princess to the vet this morning and she was put to sleep at 9.15.

Last night I lay by her box. Pretty soon her brother, Scooter, came and lay beside me. Whenever Fluffy stirred I stroked her to let her know we were there.

Early morning, she struggled to her feet. Her back legs were very weak and she could no longer manage more than 2 steps at a time. Her head hung down.

I lay down and lifted her onto my chest, where we had a final wee snuggle. She purred as I held her there and she snuggled her nose down into my jumper.

I took her to the vet in her blanket with her hot water bottle. The vet was very kind and gentle and I was allowed to hold her, talk to her, and her final moments were with me rubbing her eyebrows which was her favourite scrunch.

We will collect her ashes in a week or so. I'll keep them for a while, then, in the spring, when it's warm, I'll put them in with where her sister is buried, under some carnations at the end of the garden.

It is so hard.... I am 43, and Fluffy has been with me since I was 25. It isn't the years, it's the milestones. Young adulthood to the first steps of middle age. Boyfriends, jobs, even homes come and gone. She was there through it all. That's what makes it hard to let go. My poor, cheesy-footed baby. I miss her meow already.

Thank you all for all your kind support and loving good wishes....


54 comments:

Found art blog said...

Mega hugs and squeaks.

Kimbo said...

Sending hugs form Millie and me. xx

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Oh Helena you have given your precious Fluffy the final gift of devoted love...how I wish I could hold you tight and let you cry on my shoulder. I am scritching Miss Peach as I type. She is laying on the sofa back behind my head and I can lean back and have her bump me and purr into my ears. She will be 18 in January...she told me to tell you that you are a brave mommy and that it is OK to cry ...we are doing it too.
All our love from the cozy cottage to you and Luvbug

mrsnesbitt said...

Oh Helena - this has brought tears to my eyes and I am sending you HUGS ovetr the miles. To stay by Fluffy as she went to sleep takes incredible love . xxxx

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Helena I have made a post dedicated to Fluffy today...
soft hugs sweet girl...

Bodecea said...

Hugs...

Admiral Hestorb said...

I am sending love and hugs as well..and I know this exquisite pain as do most of us here.

xox

Kea said...

(((Helena)))

There aren't any words of comfort, as I know only too well, but please know you did what was best for her, she's free now, at peace.

Sending you Light for healing of your heart, and wishing you universal Blessings and Peace.

-Mom Kim and the Fuzzy Tales crew

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We're so very sorry. All of us pet bloggers know how hard it was to say good-bye to such an old and dear friend. Hugs, purrs and tail wags to help through this time.

freebird said...

Awww, I feel so sad for you. It's so hard. You've had one bad year haven't you? I sure hope the next one is better. Hug Scooter and have another good cry. (I'm sure you've already had at least one).

Charlemagne and Tamar said...

We're so very sorry to hear that Fluffy has gone to the Bridge.

Sendng purrs and gentle headbutts to help comfort you,

Charlemagne, Tamar and little brother Mal

Angel and Kirby said...

Helena, No words can give you the comfort you need at a time like this. Fluffy was a sweet companion for many years and it will take time to heal. Share her memories with every one to help ease your grief. How is your Mom handling this. I know fluffy was yours but she was also your Mom's special friend. WE will keep you in our thoughts

ML said...

We are sending purrs and lots of hugs.
So sorry to hear about sweet Fluffy.
KC made a memorial graphic and has posted it on the Cat Blogosphere...
Angel & Kirby let us all know about Fluffy in a comment there.
Love & Soft Purrs,
KC
Missy Blue Eyes
Faith Boomerang
Sol
Smokey
Brutus Jr.
Mommy ML

Forty Paws said...

It is so hard to say "Goody-bye" to a baby. We just recently lost Gatsbi, and we still feel the pain. Hugs and many purrs and purrayers to you and your other babies.

Luf, Us and Maw

AttieCattie said...

so verreh sorreh to hear about Fluffy. leaky eyes here from reading this.

Karen said...

So sorry to hear about Fluffy, I know only too well the heartache you are feeling right now and nothing I can say will make it better. Just remember she is in a better place for her, gamboling around at Rainbow Bridge, along with my Bertie and all the other fur babies waiting for us. Sleep tight Fluffy!

Punapippuri said...

My heart is breaking for you. The love you shared cannot be lost

karin

Cheysuli and gemini said...

We are very sorry to hear about Fluffy. We came over from Misses Peach's lovely tribute to her.

Hannah and Lucy said...

We are so sorry to hear about Fluffy - you gave her the best gift you could which was to be young and fit again at Rainbow Bridge. She will be watching over you and sending little whiskery kisses which you may feel on your cheek in the still of the night.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

The Island Cats said...

We are so very sorry to hear about Fluffy. We share your tears....

Wally, Ernie, Zoey and mom Sue

Kat's Kats said...

May the memories of love outweigh the grief of loss.

Purrs & Prayers
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde & their Feeders

Junior and Orion said...

We are so very sorry for your loss. Fluffy isnow all healed and having a great time over hte bridge. We are sending purrs nad gentle headbutts to comfort you.

Old Kitty said...

Me and my cat Charlie are so so so so so sorry to hear of sweet Fluffy's passing. We are sending you lots of purrs and hugs! We are truly sorry. Please take care
x

Dragonstar said...

Helena, I'm crying for you - and Fluffy, although I know she's at peace now, with no more pain. You were together so many years and shared eachothers' lives. You'll miss her so much, but you know she'd have wanted you to let her go. Loads of hugs for you.

betweencatsblog said...

I haven't visited your blog before but I heard about Fluffy over at the Cat Blogosphere. I am so sorry that she has had to leave you - she looks like a beautiful girl and 18 years is a long time to be together. We lost our 15 year old floofy ginger boy Eric in August and his story was a little bit similar to Fluffy's - he had been happily managing a long term health condition for ages (diabetes in his case), then suddenly went downhill in his last few weeks with kidney troubles, wobbly legs, etc (our vet was also unsure of diagnosis but it turned out to be sudden aggressive kidney cancer).
Fluffy had a wonderful life with you and she knew you were there for her right to the end. You did all you could for her.
Sending good wishes to you at this sad time, and purrs from Dora (hyperactive tortie kitten)
Kate

Butchy, Katie, Ruby, Sylvester, Scuby, Hootie, Zeek said...

We are so sorry Fluffy left you for the bridge. But now she is pain free. Our Angel Snickers is probably there with her. She loved cats. Sending purrz & hugs.
Wirey Hugs, Purrz & Licks,
Butchy, Katie, Ruby, Sylvester, Scuby, Hootie & Zeek

Tia said...

Ah, Helena, I am so sorry, truly I am. Lots of love coming from both me and Tia.

SuziQCat said...

So sorry to hear about Fluffy...sending hugs and purrs your way today. She will never be forgotten.

Julie said...

You have been very brave Helena and Fluffy would have been very comforted by all the love you gave her. Sending you lots of love and hugs from me and Mr Julie xxxxxxx

Roberta said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Helena. My heart aches along with yours. Your sweet Fluffy is now a real angel.

ABBY said...

Our deepest purrs for the loss of your sweet Fluffy.

xoxoxo
Abby,Boo,Ping,Jinx,Gracie & Mom Debra

Parker said...

It is the milestones, and she was there for you - just as you were there for her doing the kindest act a person can do for their friend.
Please know that you are in our thoughts at this sad and difficult time.
(((hugs)))

Laila and Minchie said...

So sorry and sad for all of you. (((HUGS)))

meowmeowmans said...

Oh, Helena, we are so very sorry for your loss. We can see how much you love Fluffy, and we are sad that there is nothing we can possibly say to make things better. Please know you are in our thoughts, purrs and prayers.

Ginger Jasper said...

So so sorry to hear that your sweet darling Fluffy is gone. You are in our thoughts. LOve Carol and GJ x

Feronia said...

Oh Helena, I am so sad for you. There are tears in my eyes as I write this. You were with dear Fluffy right to the end, and that would have been such a comfort to her.
Big hugs,
E xx

Furkidsmom said...

We read about Fluffy on the Cat Blogosphere and wanted to come by and say how sorry we are that she has gone to the Bridge. (((Hugs)), purrs and prayers.

The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie

Brian said...

My sisters send you our purrs, our love and our hugs. We are so very sorry that sweet Fluffy had to leave you. The heart hurts so but will some day be filled with smiles of memories.

Father Tom said...

Julie says..Helena, I know so well what you mean about the milestones and how a pet can get so close to you as you go through them. I had a little girl kitty in college, to my first job, moving all over the country, she went with me and then I lost her. It's so hard, but do know that we have you in our hearts and prayers.

Julie & Tom

Father Tom said...

Julie says..Helena, I'm so sorry. I completely understand about the milestones. Hugs and prayers from all of us.

The Misadventures Of Me said...

Soar high sweet Fluffy! Your spirit stays wif yer mom always - we knows dis fer sure acuz TT's spirit is wif our mom all da time.

Purrs and headbutts to mom

(((hugs)))

Molly
Shadow
Trooder
Mooch
Mom Laure

The Lee County Clowder said...

We know it hurts like heck, but you gave Fluffy the only thing you had left to give her -- peace. Sending comforting purrrrrrssss and gentle headbuttss.

ppuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Stardust said...

I wish there are words good enough to ease the pain.. I'm sure nothing amounts to what Fluffy weighs in your life. Am so sorry for you, but glad that Fluffy is loved to her very last knowing second. She's a blessed kitty.

So sorry for your loss Helena, hugs.

Ikaika said...

You've said it so well, Helena ... it is the milestones and special times that make us miss them so after they leave us. We send you gentle purrs and comforting thoughts for the loss of your sweet girl.

Run free at the Bridge, beautiful Fluffy ...

'Kaika and his mom

Chesney Cats said...

We are so very sorry for your loss. You are in our thoughts & prayers.

Di said...

Hi Helena

I've emailed you but wanted to say on your blog how very hard you must find the loss of Fluffy but also to hold onto the fact that she was so well loved and cared for right up to the very end. My heart goes out to you - she is at peace now - RIP Fluffy. Di x

ZOOLATRY said...

Sending purrs and prayers to the loved ones left behind, sending love to keep you warm as you travel forward.

i beati said...

a marvelous life you gave sweet Fluff. That's the real message. I too lost my Evie - named for Christmas Evie when I walked into the humane society and said give me your eldest cat, 11 years ago 11 then. I shall miss her presence but not her suffering. We fought for 4 months was not to be..too weak..down down down. then is when we rejoice in their spirit.

Everycat said...

Helena we are so sorry. We hope that soon the memories of the life long friendship the pair of you had will warm your heart where now feels loss. Love.

Fluffy, beautiful cat fly.

Whicky

Helena said...

*
*
*
*
THANK YOU ALL
for all your kind messages, I am very touched that you take time to type something for me.
It is all very raw and I am crying lots. I can't put her box away. I have left it to be still for a while. Scooter has looked into it a few times and is sticking close to us for fuss and cuddles. I think he has noticed her absence but isn't sure what it means. Mum is ok so far. She is trying to be strong and gave me a hug and asked if I was ok.

I thought I heard Fluffy last night at the litter tray, and and went out to see she was ok.........

Helena

Lynda (Granny K) said...

I've just seen this and wanted you to know that I am so sorry.
Much love, Lynda x

Mickey,Georgia , Tillie said...

We are very sad to hear about dear Fluffy.It is hard when a friend has been with you so long. My Mickey is 17 and will be 18 in July.
Fluffy was a much loved kitty and you were there for her at the end.
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS))))))}}}

Team Tabby said...

We offer our words of sympathy in your loss of Fluffy. Eighteen years is a long journey together, we are sending our hugs and purrs to comfort you.

Mindy, Moe, BonBon, Cookie & Mike

Tina T-P said...

I read about your loss on Misses Peaches blog and wanted to let you know that I am so sorry. My Sinda is 21 1/2 years old and I know so much what you said about sharing the milestones of your life with your four footed friend. I hope that the love and purrs that all of the bloggers have left you will help ease your sorrow. Sincerely, T.