Not coping

Lots of stress signs: bursting into tears, sleeping heavily and intermittently with mad dreams, snapping at everybody, stomping about in a bad temper. Heart rate is high. Feel fat fat fat and miserable. Tumbling thoughts and HEARING THINGS. Want to switch off.

I just can't cope with mum any more. Little of what she says makes sense. Even when I am not with her she calls, calls, calls. She can't work the tv any more. She can't follow a diagram or written notes either, we tried that. She says she has been hallucinating for 4-5 weeks, seeing people who are not there, faint people with white outlines.

I have seen her every day since 5th March. There is no help; social services say that as she can go to the lavatory herself with no need of help, she doesn't get a carer, and I get no help. That's it. Oh, they did offer grab rails for the bath, which she already has, or meals-on-wheels at £3.50 a day for lunch, which she tried, and we cancelled after a few weeks because she called them "foul" and refused to eat them.

So that's it then.

I told my GP, in tears, that I wasn't coping. She told me, oh well, you'll have to put her into a home then.

I asked the neurologist 2 weeks ago, and she told me to ask the churches.

I am almost giving up. Except I can't, can I? Because who else is there? I think I shall end up going to the wall. I'll reach the point where I can no longer see that I can't, and I'll take every pill I can find, altogether, at once. And then the authorities and relatives who SHOULD help will HAVE to come and pick up the pieces, won't they? There doesn't seem to be any other way out of this relentless situation.

Hanging on by my fingernails for Luvbug and Scooter ;)

Thank you for all the support out there. Some of you have even given your phone numbers- I am very moved that you would do so as that very generous of you. I do have an emergency number to ring if I get to 'that' stage. I might be up ringing it in the middle of the night quite soon.

Sorry to post such misery near Christmas. Even our little tree gave up the ghost! We will try to return it to the shop tomorrow....



CARFTERING has been updated too, if you can bear it!!!