Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Thank you!

Thank you for so many messages following the loss of Fluffy. I was overwhelmed! I have never received so many comments. It has really helped, really it has. Thank you all so much!

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Mum is OK. She had a little cry but, thankfully, it hasn't hit her badly like I feared it would. Here is the Christmas card I made for her. Actually it's the second one as she lost the first (!!!)

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 Here is a photo taken on Fluffy's last evening.... Scooter is taking a drink and Fluff is by the fire... if you look closely you'll see that she didn't have the strength to rest her head on top of her paws in that Sphinx pose that cats love- her head is resting to one side of her toes....
 Luvbug took this photo of us on her last morning.....
I have cried buckets this week and my arms ache to cuddle and hold her.

I keep thinking I can hear her in the house. I don't know if this is the auditory hallucinations that I get under stress with the Bi-polar, or if it's just normal grief. I think probably the latter, so I shan't worry...
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This morning a special parcel arrived from Ginger Jasper! Look at the gorgeous card- GJ in his Christmas finery!

He send me a beautifully soft bear, and some things for making momentoes of Fluffy.....
 ...a little album, and an empty bauble- you put a photo in it and hang it on the tree.

I think it would be a lovely tribute to Fluffy, especially as she always loved Christmas sparkly things. She used to lie underneath the tree belly-up and daze up through the branches at all the twinkling lights. She also used to attack tinsel and go worra worra worra........

Thanks, GJ! I was very moved to receive these things. It is very kind of you. Look- your photo is now overlooking our crib!

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 Here is Scooter by our tree...

We bought ourselves a little 3ft one! It has fibre-optic tips that change colour slowly and it's quite relaxing to sit and gaze at it! Scooter really enjoyed himself like a kitten when I got the decorations out.

Here is our mantelpiece lit up.
We bought little LED strings of lights that work by battery. I put a bunch in a couple of vases, which are the big glows in the picture. These are good lights as they don't get hot.

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I am trying to keep my chin up and have a good Christmas- I have wrapped all my presents and all the shopping is done. It's difficult when others say how miserable they are though! Mum told me straight she can't wait for Christmas to be over, and Luvbug has been down over lack of work- the schools just haven't been calling in supply staff these last few weeks. I do see their point of view and I do sympathise, but mood is contagious, isn't it? So it is hard to keep plodding on at the moment. I am managing ok, but feel like I'm using my emergency tank, know what I mean?!


mrsnesbitt said...

H - hugs to you hun!
I have lost your address - my laptop has been re-formatted so when you have a minute hun drop me the details.
Thinking og you hun - Dxxxx

Di said...

Hi Helena

This was such a bitter sweet posting - thanks for sharing the last photos of Fluffy with us. Your home looks very festive and I hope the mood lightens - you have enough on your plate without having to run on your spare tank.

It's natural to still hear Fluffy - time will help, but of course we never forget our beloved pets - it just hurts less. Hang on in there honey! Hugs, Di x

Lynda (Granny K) said...

Dear Helena, Take each day as it comes and cuddle up with your luvbug in the warm. Sometimes you just have to make the best of things and it sounds as though you are doing just that.
Love and hugs to you all xxxx

Ginger Jasper said...

So glad it got to ok and that it helped a little. Love all your chistmas things, your mantlepiece looks gorgeous. Hang in there and if you need to use your reserve tank do so because it can be refilled in happier times. Take care Hugs GJ x

Stardust said...

Hugs darling.. I can't look at the picture you cuddled Fluffy. I know you're trying hard to feel like anyone else for this Christmas. I guess people are right about there's a season for everything, and I hope you'll cherish the present moment to the fullest than lending time to what's past. Fluffy's got her bestest time with you.

So, hope that you'll tap no more from the emergency tank soon. Blessed Christmas.

Feronia said...

Helena, that is such a beautiful photo of you with Fluffy - Stardust is right, it's so touching I almost can't bear to look at it. Just take it one day at a time and make of Christmas what you can. I know all about emergency tanks! :)
E x

Found art blog said...

Marp. Well, I hope you manage to have a semblance of a good Christmas this year..... and I really REALLY hope that Luvbugs employment picks up! All fingers crossed my end for you! (and thanks for the prezzie!!)

Chrissy said...

Your mantle looks lovely, I love the lights, it looks so pretty.
I was so sad to hear about Fluffy and I am sorry that I didn't leave a comment at the time. Life has been a little hectic, my Mum goes downhill in the winter and has not been very good at all.
I remember hearing my Blackie for several weeks after we lost him ~ isn't that strange?
I know that there is nothing i can say so am sending you big hugs ~ ChrissyX

Angel and Kirby said...

THat is a very sweet and touching photo of Fluffy. I am glad your Mom did not fall apart when you gave her the news. Grief takes time, and is harder at holidays. Find something to smile about. Enjoy that lovely tree