Juggling life through a bi-polar lens. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Mostly trying to tread water in the middle. Creating a likeness to a normal life. Whatever "normal" is...

Thursday, 19 April 2012


Like echoes bouncing back from distant cliffs, questions return to me.
During steady rain and rebellious sun,
I looked out and felt the lift.
Giggling like girls, 
mum and I followed their climb with wonder.
I, with busy camera,
She,with clapping hands.
And then she asked me,
"Where do they come from? do they come out of the earth?"
I stopped.
Everything inside me,
She didn't notice my intake of breath,
my sudden remembering of her diagnosis.
Too busy admiring, still smiling,
excited at this miracle.
I tried to explain, simply,
about sunlight and water.
She didn't care by then,
not much.

Today, after dinner,
she asked me why spoons made your face look up-side-down.            


Blue said...

Oh Helena, know where you are coming from. And even more sadly, know where you're heading.
My mother was showing the early signs of dementia before her cancer struck, it, then acceletated big time.
She became my child, not hers.

I will be here for you, I had no one then and know a supportive friend would have helped us both.

Blue xxx

Helena said...

))thanks Blue((

Eileen said...

Helena, I was a live-in carer for my Mum before she died. It is difficult for me to talk about. But please know that I understand, even if only in part, and, if it means anything, my deepest and warmest thoughts are with you.

Blue is not so very far away from you, and I know she can be a good friend to you in this, as can your many other friends.

Many hugs,
Eileen x

Sandy Kessler said...

This touched me in a very special place

Angel and Kirby said...

As hard as it is, sometimes it is easier to just agree that rainbows come from the ground. If she remembers, you can just say you were joking. I will listen any time, but I am across the ocean from you.

Di said...

Oh Helena - this really touched my heart. I'm not far away either remember.

Big hug, Di xx

Feronia said...

That is truly beautiful, Helena. Thinking of you x

Timaree said...

You've written a lovely poem here Helena. It's hard to deal with your mum losing her grip on reality but in this case between the rainbow and the spoon you got to go back and resee the wonder in things long taken for granted. I hope you can pick these jewels out of the sad times.

Tammie Lee said...

so tender
a moment or two
of awe, innocence
my heart is leaning towards you and your mum

mrsnesbitt said...

Amazingly enough my family have not shown any mental health issues.......yet! Mum was 1 of 5 - all smoked. Uncle Stan didn't and he is still alive. I have never smoked...but it just makes you think!